My Story

by XJW4EVR 86 Replies latest jw experiences


    My senior year in high school began with a total change in my life. I was asked by my English teacher to change my senior English class from basic to a college prep course that she taught. She believed that it would better serve me to be in a class with higher academic requirements. This was odd for me since I was never a college-bound student (being a good JW). This class did more for me than years of schooling. I learned how to analyze critically.

    I also took a drama class, and discovered that I had a natural talent for acting. It was also through this class that I was able to meet Mark Medoff, the writer of Children of a Lesser God. He had moved to Las Cruces, NM to take over the drama department at New Mexico State University. He thought I had a natural talent for acting. I was also able to be in the high school rendition of Under the Sycamore Tree. I loved acting, and I loved the fact that for 2 hours I was able to transport people from their problems into a realm of fantasy.

    It was my meeting with Medoff that made a great impact on my life. I had found the one thing that I trully enjoyed, acting. He really wanted me to go to NMSU, and I really wanted to go also. However, I knew that I would never be able to do it without some sort of support apart from my parents or family. During one of his visits to Taos, I sat with him for about 2 hours and attempted to explain the situation I was in with my family, and the difficult economic position I would be placed in if I went to college. It was like I was speaking Martian. He didn't understand that there were people in the world that did not want to educate themselves. I was also realistic, in that I knew that I had virtually no shot of ever making it big in movies or on Broadway, so I wanted to make show that I could teach. I have always loved to teach, and I teach adult education at the church I currently attend.

    I went through my senior year of high school with the goal of actually applying myself to what I was doing. I went from being a C- student to have an A average. But I still did my thing on the side, the drugs, booze, bookmaking & shoplifting. I worked, and I saved. I would somehow make it to NMSU, and get in and get through. Then my world fell apart. My self-descructive use of drugs & booze, and my book making bit me in the ass. My best friend, who at the time was dating a studying "worldy" girl all of a sudden had an attack of conscience after having sex with her, and ran to the elders and confessed. It was in his confession that every other teen in the Hall got hosed with everything that he knew that they did. There were JCs for about 3 months. Everything I did was brought up, including my plans for college. My dad was livid, and he threatened to through me out of the house, if I continued in my plans. I had one week to prepare for my JC, and I was a basket case. At work, my boss' wife (who was a teacher I had during my junior year) sensed that I was going through something, and pulled my into the office. She asked what was happening, and I broke. I blubbered like a baby telling her everything that I was going through. That I had no choice but to submit to the elders and give up my dream. Again it was like I spoke in a different language. She just didn't get it. I was lost, and with no place to turn I showed the proper forgiveness, and was publiclly reproved. I had to have a study with an elder who served at Bethel. I went through the motions demoralized and disengaged. I just showed up and did the absolute minimum. Two days after I graduated from high school I packed and moved to L.A.

    I moved in with my dad's friend and got a job working at The Broadway in the Glendale Galleria. I didn't go to meetings, I didn't talk to JWs. I sank into depression, drugs and drink. Yes, I drank. One of the first things I did when I had come out for the summer visit the previous year was get a fake California I.D. It's pretty sad to be an alcoholic at 19 years old, but I had sucha sense of dispair and self-loaathing for forgetting all my dreams so that I could stay comfortable. This went on until October 1, 1987, when the Whittier Narrows earthquake happened. It scared me to death. I had been living like the devil, and I thought that this was it. I was going to die. Forever eliminated from the human race. I made the worst decision of my life. I returned to the JWs.

  • Odrade

    aaaaaaagggghhhh!!! I HATE cliffhangers!

  • freedomlover

    waiting for the next installment......

  • towanda

    Oh, where are you XJW4EVR.... We need more story time....


    There is nothing like being woke-up with the floor and walls shaking that will scare the bejeezus out of you. While I am sure that earthquakes are terrifying for non-JWs, they are 100 times more terrifying for a JW that faded, but still held to the few that "Armaggedon was just around the corner." I remember praying that night that I would go back to the meetings, and do everything I was supposed to do, if Jehovah would just spare me. So I went back into the Borg. I cut my hair. I traded in the leather & spandex for suits & a briefcase. I began to average 15-20 hours a month in field service. This was accomplished mostly by early morning streetwork. This was due to most of the assigned territory for the Hall I was attending was Spanish speaking.

    I began attending meetings, and soon had "priveldges" restored." I soon met a lady, and we began to date. By June of 1988 we were engaged to be married that September. We got married, and then moved back to Taos. We started our own business, and things went swimmingly along. I was up for MS, and was a regularly buting in 20 hrs a month. I was placing mags left & right. I had a multitude of RVs and a couple of Bible studies. I did this until around March of 1990 when the CO (Ray Harriman) came to visit. It was during this time that the promotion was supposed to go through. My dad (PO) had recused himself from the discussion (a move that I respect him for) of my promotion. However, the Service Overseer, whose son was my best friend, and the person that ratted out on everyone was still limping along. He barely attended meetings, never went out in service, all over the fact that he married a girl that was studying, and attended meetings but had not yet been baptized. His father (the Service Overseer) felt that because of this I should be punished, and what better way to punish me than by keeping me from becoming a MS. It was at this point that I lost the last bit of respect for the Borg. I told my dad that I had a hard time understanding how I could be passed over just because my best friend was a slacker. It was at this point that I began my final fade from the Borg. I also ran across a number of Christian books, and in particular, Robert Bowman's Why You Should Believe in the Trinity book. This book did more to undermine my faith in WT doctrine than anything else I had read or watched.

    I resolved in my heart at this point to learn everything I could about the Borg, and how it worked. So I began researching. I used my dad's extensive library & the local Hall's even more extensive library (bound volumes that went back to the early 40s). I also sent away for information, and had it sent to a private PO box that I had rented. Then I ran across Crisis of Conscience, and I resolved that I would be an XJW4EVR.

    My wife and I decided to move back to LA after our business failed. This move allowed me to fade completely. THough she went to the meetings, she respected my fade. I had simply told her that I could no longer, in good conscience, go to meetings knowing what I knew. She however, would not listen. She did come out in 1997 after we both lost our job, and were in danger of losing our home. I went to the church I was attending and they gave us money for 3 months of rent & utilities. People from my church, also dropped by with groceries, and baby essentials. When my wife went to the elders, they said that they would not help because of my status. That tore it for my wife. She decided to leave the JWs.

    What has happened since that point is for the next chapter.

  • JAVA

    This has been one of the most interesting posts and life stories that I've read on the forum. Thank you for sharing, and I look forward to reading the next chapter.

  • jambon1

    Thank you sooooooo much for this story. We all want to hear more please.

    You have been very brave in your life.


  • bikerchic

    Welcome XJW4EVR!

    Excellent read I look forward to your next installment. I'm always amazed at people who can recall so much of their childhood, mine is pretty much a blank scan a few horrid memories. Anyway I think it's cool that you remember so much even teacher's names!

    Again welcome I'm glad you are here sharing with us.

    Oh and I was also living in Cali during the Whittier Narrows earthquake and many more.....

  • truckerann

    I have to agree with everyone....your story is truly amazing. please don't keep us waiting to long for more.

  • happyout

    Come on, man, we are waiting for our daily fix!! Tell us more, tell us more!

    What a great narrative, thank you so much for sharing.


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