My Story

by XJW4EVR 86 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Poodles

  Welcome sweetie!

  Paula
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  Frannie Banannie

  Do go on, XJW4EVER. That's quite a cliffhanger you've got going here.

  (squirming in chair, waiting for next chapter)
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  blsrose

  hey there!! I am new here, and have been reading xjw4evr's story, I know personally how devastating it is, and how it affects your life for a long, long time!! i've been gone from them for 4 yrs. now, my son and i both. he was so devastated by our experience that he had to quit school because he was so confused.... but I will tell our story some other time!! It's truely sad that there is a need for us recovering jw's, it says a lot!! But, I will say this, I feel God must love us a lot to help us out of that organization!! And, yes, there is sunshine out here...ain't it beautiful!!!

  looking forward to getting to know you all....and, it helps to talk about it, xjw4evr!!
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  MsMcDucket

  You should be proud! You've got me reading. I mean really r-e-a-d-i-n-g. I haven't been able to read anything long and without pictures for a long time.
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  Frannie Banannie

  looking forward to getting to know you all....

  Welcome to JWD, blsrose! Good to have you here, too. Have you posted your story yet? I'll be looking fwd to reading it, too, chere.

  Frannie
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  anewme

  Welcome XJW4EVER! Wow, I think you are setting the ground work for a great story! Seems like life was pretty good and your parents were loving and serious about the Truth.
  What could have happened to change all that?
  Im curious too about your chosen name XJW4EVER? Sounds like the decision you made to leave was a very serious one.
  
  Im home tonight just waiting for the rest of this very interesting story......
  
  Anewme
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  candidlynuts

  i appreciate you taking the time to tell us your story too..your very good at it and its bringing back a lot of memories!
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  XJW4EVR

  In Red Bluff, I learned the double life. After being bullied, and abused for my religion, I felt that the best course of action was to lay low. Seventh grade (1980) offered me some freedom, in that it was the first time that my dad didn't accompany me on the first day of school, and announce to the teacher that I was a JW, and therefore would not be participating in the flag salute, birthday parties, etc. I also got to see how the other kids form the Hall acted. THe double life seemed so much more fun. The problem was getting them to trust me. Most of them were kids of single parents or weak families. I was an EK (Elder's Kid). So I was viewed with suspicion by them. Soon they saw that I could be trusted, and I was invited into their clique.

  I became good friends with another EK. His dad and my dad shared a similar passion, golf. They played at least once a week. So Jerry (not his real name) and I got to be close. We did everything together. I remember after he had got his license (he is 3 years older then me) that we drove to Yuba City for a circuit assembly. We got going late, and I think we averaged 90 from Red Bluff to Yuba City. Not very hard since his first car was a souped up 1968 Duster. So here we are, two kids driving like bats out of hell in shirts & ties, and wondering why this family behind us was wagging its finger at us when we passed them like they were standing still. That got answered later at the assembly when the father (some self-righteous elder from Cottonwood) confronted us at the car, and scolded us for violating "Cesar's law." After he walked away the two of us had a good laugh, and moved on, but I digress, again.

  Around this time (1981) I was placed under intense pressure to get baptized. With everything going on in Brooklyn around this time there was pressure being brought by the Elders and my father to "make the Truth your own." There were all kinds of talks at the assemblies & conventions, and by the COs during their visits that were geared in ratcheting up the pressure on teens to "take a stand for Jehovah." The pressure on my was increased, since my dad was assigned the Baptismal talk at the Circuit Assembly that spring. Numerous times I had it mentioned that it would be a great honor to get baptized after the talk by my dad. The pressure was enormous, and I succombed to it. Looking back, I believe that the pressure placed on a fourteen year old to make a decision that would affect my entire life, even to this day, was tantamount to mental abuse.

  That summer was key for me. The pressure placed upon me, and the fact that Jerry had graduated left me with no outlet for me frustrations. I had no one that I could totally trust. You see though Jerry and I had numerous mischievious events, we never crossed that certain line into booze and drugs. It was at this time that my dad's cousin, in an attempt to escape an abusive husband moved to Red Bluff. She brought her kids, and they were the ones that introduced me to it all (pot, booze & porn). I found that getting loaded relieved some the pressure that I was feeling. I found the euphoric feling to be "enlightening" in that I didn't have to worry about anything. What I didn't do was be more judicious in who I told of my new found relief. I had more freedom at this time becasuse mom had left to go back to New Mexico to care for my grandmother. She had gotten gravely ill with an intestinal blockage. She came very close to dying. With my mom gone and my dad working nights, I had the freedom to do whatever I wanted to.

  It was also during this time that some kind of blow-up happened between two of the teens in the Cong. To this day I don't know what happened, but in their attempt to clear their consciences, or under pressure from the JC they ratted me out. The worst part was that one of the elders in their JC was my dad's partner. He came to the house one afternoon, and told that I had one day to tell my dad everything, or he would. It was the first and only time that someone actually treated me with respect, rather than running to my dad to tattle. I know this sounds odd, but it somehow made me feel responsible. So I told dad everything. I was thinking that he would understand the pressure I had been under, how I felt alone and without an outlet to vent. I thought that he would understand, and somehow help me out of the mess I had created, but no. Instead, being a "organization man" he threw me to the wolves on my JC. On that day I lost a lot of respect for him. To make a long story short, I confessed everything, and got Privately Reproved.

  It was about two months after this happened that my dad & mom decided to move back to Taos to help me grandparents out. This move back to New Mexico did more to motivate my leaving the Borg, than anything else. More on this chapter later.
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  towanda

  ahhhh!!! Don't stop! I'm totally riveted!!! Hurry back, please.....
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  AuldSoul

  Welcome! Enjoying your story very much. Chunks of it sound very similar to my older brother's story. Please, do go on.

  Respectfully,
  AuldSoul