The Worst Public Talk Ever

by onesong 60 Replies latest jw friends

  • unclebruce

    Ok how about a thread on the best public talks ever - someone please!

    In the early 70's Prospect Congregation became very theatrical - with everyone trying to outdo each other .. we had a robot to introduce the next speaker during the Service Meetings, one bro illustrated his talk with real trumpets blasting down cardboard walls of Jericho, eventually we were counselled by the CO for wasting too much time building elaborate sets but I think the final straw was when my dad started useing live animals to illustrate his creation talk

  • slugga

    Did he ever try bringing in a lion to illustate how u can play beach ball with them in the NS


  • fleaman uk
    fleaman uk

    hee hee ive got an image of Elephants trampling the mike handler.....

  • unclebruce

    Dad was a very funny guy. Some guys you only have to look at and you start laughing.

    His creation talk became very popular he got invites from near and far..I remmember one that went something like this:

    We'd just been to a District Ass and seen one of the Governing B start his talk with a minute silence... so...

    Dad stands at the platform silently looking at the audience. 30 seconds go by .. you could hear a pin drop ..50 seconds someone giggles .. we are all wondering how long we can stand it and who will crack first... 90 seconds and it is obvious dad is eyeing people .. staring at them individually for about five seconds each ..110 seconds and someone snaps .. a flood of laughter fills the hall.

    The seven days of creation ... (curtains closed, lights out) darkness is over the surface of the earth ... let there be light ... fluros flicker into life ... etc... and then GOD created the sea creatures .. dad uncovers a big bowl with a goldfish .. and then the animals .. I bring out our family ginger cat who takes immediate interest in the goldfish ... brother harry then comes on with a big german shepherd .. I lose grip on tigersocks and she takes flight into audience ..

    Dad wanted to bring a real snake to temp eve but that got caned lol

  • luna2

    I remember some horrible talk about masterbation. I don't know if the whole talk was about that or if that was only a part of it, but I remember the embarrassment of sitting in the second row with my two young sons (4 and 9) vividly.

    Also, there was the very first public talk I ever heard from one of our COs, Brother L. He enjoyed giving grossly, violent and bloody illustrations. His delivery was quite professional (if a bit stiff) and he looked like a televangelist with his perfect white hair, his perfect white teeth, very straight posture and perfectly fitting suit. It almost made the disgusting things coming out of his mouth all that much worse. Yuck.

    unclebruce...those talks sound like a riot. What fun!

  • anewme

    UncleBruce, yes, in the early 70s the meetings were lively and fun! You reminded me of it!
    The public talks might have charts and music and voices over the microphones, and the Service Meeting might have animated skits of Field Service using costumes and props! It was fun in those days with old timers present who would offer lively personal experiences during the Watchtower Study. But over the years there were Kingdom Services going over and over how the meetings needed to be more disciplined and BORING!
    Truly today, if I was a newly interested study attending for the first time, I would discontinue the study after going to the hall a few times. They wouldnt appeal to me today where few sing above a whisper (we used to have live musicians and real great singers!)

    I remember when I was 18 and inviting my unbelieving Dad to a public talk, his first.

    I didnt know the topic and trusted Jehovah to reach my dad's heart.

    The talk was "Avoid the Snares of Self Abuse".

    I was mortified.

    My father got up and left in the middle of it.

    I followed him.

    He never went again.

    I should have seen the signs then.

    I stayed loyal for the next 32 years.

    I had to sit through so many mind controlling poorly delivered talks.

    But that was the past and that long nightmare is over for me!

  • Mary

    The Worst Public Talk Ever

    It's gotta be one of those damn "Declarations of Facts" at those boring ASSemblies in the 1920s........You know-----the ones that are described in the book of Revelation? Thank god I wasn't alive then to hear it.

    The one I vaguely remember is that moron Freddie Franzenstein telling us in '76 that the reason Armageddon didn't come the previous year "...was because YOU (pointing his stubby little finger at the audience) were expecting it!" Dumb jerk. Even though I was a kid, I had the uneasy feeling that something wasn't right, because I knew full well that everyone had been expecting it the previous year.

  • unclebruce

    g'day anewme ,

    Another funny brother was a German, Albert Kosmin. He is still an Elder and still gives very funny talks (no props;)

    I remmember a talk Albert gave about the marvels of the human body. There is the big man going on about "ze marwels off ze skeleeton" .. stands on tip toes "look at zis - all ziiis weight on zeese two toes" ... looking very serious and consentrating hard, Albert slowly raises one leg ... the hall is absolutely silent ....then ...CRACK!!!! ...again a Kingdom Hall fills with unrestrained laughter.

    I know the nature of things has changed. Whatever character and spontinaity there was at meetings is a thing of the past. Kingdom Halls are such bland solem places - I feel for all the ones where there is no release of all that pent up emotion.

    Albert and dad were both funny by nature and both master plumbers.. maybe being up to ones elbows in crap half the time is good for a persons sense of humour?

  • slugga

    I can't remember anyone ever laughing at our meetings. There was no joy there.

  • funkyderek

    morning glory:

    The one I heard in Vernon,B.C. a few years back, when the visiting speaker,under guise of warning parents to be on guard for what their children were capable of,described a situation he personally was aware of as an elder. Apparantly,a young sister had had oral sex with a brother and had to be rushed to the hospital to get her stomach pumped out

    Hmmm, did he explain how, instead of the usual 5ml of sugar, salt and protein, the "brother" managed to ejaculate several litres of toxins into her that would necessitate a stomach pump?

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