Disposable People

by MerryMagdalene 57 Replies latest jw friends

  • oldflame
    And You're beautiful on top of all that.

    And I could'nt of said that any better myself.....Be good to yourself because you are worth more than you know, to all of us here and mostly to yourself.....

  • p717

    While I still have some affection for classic (paleo)JW philosphy that promotes tolerance for all poeples, one of the most difficult things to me was the concept that Jehovah God would commit a mass holocaust and leave behind only the "true" christians. It's a Jeckyl-hyde thing. Be peaceful, turn the other cheek like Christ, then see grotesqe illustrations of the destruction of this world, with people being burned alive, swallowed by the earth, etc. It seems like a "God of Love" who created us in his image, with the faculties of free will and the capacity to learn would simply "allow" us to learn from our mistakes, let us go on our path, and if it leads to our own individual destruction, is our choice. And, oddly enough, they cycle of life seems to indicate that's exactly how God behaves. This is why organised religion can't seem to explain why people "die before their time", why he allows murders, earth changes, etc. If there was too much intervention, what would we learn? Just a thought. On the shunning issue, I felt betrayed for a couple of years. I was homeless and no one in my family gave a damn. You exit into the world from being raised in the org, and the umbilical chord is pulled. Fortunately I never fit in, so I was somewhat prepared. I can barely fathom what it's like to have a faith you held without question and a pre-defined social order that kept you afloat suddenly stricken. But it's hard to come to terms with basic ideas: The comfort zone of being inculcated with them and suddenly having to face that it's simply not true. Seeing elder's exposed as perverts and hypocrites, yet being expelled - and according to the doctrine, you have no future, and they do - going through the "Where is the justice of that?" My own father was a young adult when he become one, and tried to commit suicide when he lost faith. I myself came to the conclusion that life's too short. You have to shun those who shun you, even if they are your closest relatives. I know that comes off as a bit harsh, but it's necessary in many cases. If you're still vying for the approval of someone who's clearly rejected you, then it's time to reinvent yourself and your life situation, move on and let all of it go.

  • Twitch


    If you're still vying for the approval of someone who's clearly rejected you, then it's time to reinvent yourself and your life situation, move on and let all of it go.

    Yea, that's where it starts. I recall the looking for approval thing operating in the background for a long time after leaving. Hard to untie knots tied as a dub kid. Learned the hard way.

    About 5 years after I was DA, I ran into one of the elders who was on my tribunal and was the father of my best dub friend growing up. In the back of my heart, I recall some measure of hoping he would be genuinely friendly and that despite the choice made, he would respect the time and friendship I had with him and his son. He said, "How does it feel to break your parent's hearts?" I was shocked and speechless. Being in a nebulous state at the time, that statement convinced me that what I was doing was right despite the effect on my family, and that I didn't need anyone's approval for anything I wanted to do. F*** em. The anger at it all motivated me for a long time and I accomplished much with it but at a high price of course. You eventually hit the wall. Now I would just smile and walk away. Nice post BTW. Thank you

  • Merry Magdalene
    Merry Magdalene

    How ironic that this old thread should pop back up today...the day after my JW mother's funeral/memorial service at the Kingdom Hall in the town where she lived most of her life.

    I went to the service a little uneasily, thought my eldest cousin conducted it quite wonderfully, lots of personal reminiscing, and he read something I had written in remembrance of her along with what another cousin's husband had written. At the end he announced there would be a gathering at a private home and everyone was welcome to come. Wow, I thought.Very cool.

    I was lovingly embraced by JWs and non-JWs alike, who knew and loved my mom, everyone in tears and asking if they would see me at the gathering and very glad when I responded I would. I talked my non-JW half-brothers (hadn't seen them in over 20 years) into going too, before being pulled gently aside by a male relative and an elder (the P.O. of the congregation) and informed that it would be better if I didn't come after all--since it wasn't just a family gathering but a congregational thing as well. They were very sorry and hoped I understood and wouldn't feel too hurt.

    LOL. Yes. I understood. But I really felt they should have announced it from the stage: "Everyone is welcome to attend the gathering in memory of XXXX...except her only child."

    I skipped the family picture taking scene, unwilling to stay in the KH a moment longer, went outside and told my brothers what had happened--they were shocked and dismayed--and we decided to have our own little gathering, going to another relative's home for lunch followed by a nice escape to a nearby beach with snacks and cold drinks.

    What surprised me about this was a very dear JW uncle who served as an elder for many years, (our father's brother), came with us. He seemed willing to go wherever I did. When I thought I was going to the first gathering, he said he would too, and when that changed he did too. Amazing.

    I also got to meet a lovely XJW woman who had been a friend of my mom's years ago, still loved her dearly, and was delighted when I told her I was no longer a JW. We're going to get in touch with each other.

    Fortunately, I was able to spend the last 20 days of my mother's life with her, taking care of her, and, for the most part, feeling and sharing nothing but love and courage. It was terrible and it was wonderful, and it was something no one can ever take away from me. I'm glad I didn't cut her out of my life completely after she tried to shun me. I'm glad she called me back to her, even under the WT umbrella of "necessary family business/family emergency."

    I'm not going to let a screwed up religion destroy the love I feel. They can take away everything but that.


  • Fleur

    Merry, I'm so sorry for the way that the relative/PO acted. It's not a shock to me because it happened to me too over my grandmother's memorial service...which I ended up not going to (she was the mother of my heart). I am glad that you found your own place and way to finish the day...and that you have held on to the love in your heart.

    They try so hard to take it from us, we can't let them, can we?



  • dgp

    Marked for reference

  • Quentin

    My father went back to the wt after twenty years, about the same time I decided to da, not knowing there had been a policy change in a da's status. Without explenation my dad dropped me like a hot potato. wt rules leave no room for decency, kindness, showing love, or any/all of the "christian attributes" that are supposed to be in place. I da'd, therefore I no longer existed. I was disposed of...

    Mary, as a person YOU are not disposable, sadly that is how one is seen through the wt lens. jw's do not shun, they disown, banish and dispose of people. Taken to the curb like a sack of trash. Hard times for you to have your mom turn on you as she has. Hoping the best and hoping her stance will change. You never know what drives a jw to do what they do.

    Now, lets see some art work...

  • Quentin

    Glad I wrote what I wrote, but must remember to read the dates on these threads....

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