well i finally did it!

by Cordelia 39 Replies latest jw friends

  • jgnat

    Sometimes you have to laugh through the pain.

    there was the latest awake and wt and a note off my dad posted thru the door, his note in part said 'this is definately the last time i will leave stuff for you because if you haev not been reached yet ...

    Considering your parent's track record, for sure this will not the be last time! He loves you too much. Consider his continued efforts as misguided love. Ignore the bad advice, but acknowledge that he is so attached that he cannot let go, no matter how hard he protests.

    You have nothing to feel guilty about, Cordelia. I hope he DID see your baby tree.

  • sass_my_frass

    CORDY I'm so PROUD of you princess! You're so brave to seek your own life.

    i do realise but i cant live a lie

    I know exactly what you mean. I'm in a situation which lets me take my time over how to deal with it; ie, I can put my parents off with regards to a decision re what I want to do with the truth, so I have a lot more freedom than you. I'm so deeply impressed that you made a move for your own welfare.

    This is the start of a fantastic journey; it's going to be terrible and it's going to be great, and isn't that great? Welcome to life!!

  • Mysterious

    Yes you did the right thing, and it hurts. But remember it is not they that are hurting you, it is a destructive cult speaking through them. I know it is nearly impossible to view things this way when they are saying these things to you but I hope one day it will be of some comfort. And feel proud of yourself that it is not YOU who is cutting ties, it is them. You have been nothing but a bright and intelligent young women with an equally bright future ahead of you. The path might be rocky, but it will be true to your heart. And we're all here for you.

  • Dansk


    i cant live a lie!


    I'm the same. I've read many of your posts and deduced how hard it's been for you. You've been terribly mixed up and done your best to satisfy your parents - but this should NEVER be to the cost of your own life. There is no doubt that had you gone back to the KH you would be living someone else's life and not your own. It IS difficult at first, but after the first week or two it DOES get easier. I made the break, lost two children in the process, but don't regret anything. Emotional blackmail is Watchtower's favourite weapon at this time so be prepared!

    Now, get on with your life, enjoy the love and company of your boyfriend and continue to gain strength by coming here.


  • Cordelia

    thanks so much or all your thoughts,

    ive felt ok about it till i read my dads letters and realise what pain i am putting them through! i got alittle drunk last night and the bf was nasty and we have spilt up now, he just takes off me and gives nothing back, everytime i try and talk and have some understanding he just makes a joke!

    now i DO feel like i have lost everything!

  • luna2

    Aw, Cordelia, that really stinks. I'm sorry about the boy.

    Really and truly, though, you need to live your life the way you want to. If you really want to be a Jehovah's Witness (you yourself, not because your parents think that's what you should do) then make that choice. If, when you look deep inside, know that you don't believe what they teach and don't want to live that way, then keep marching forward and don't look back, boyfriend or no boyfriend.

    Living your life in a way contrary to what you truly believe in just so other people are happy with you will suck the life right out of you eventually. Decide what it is that YOU want and go for it.

    Hugs to you. Hope things improve.

  • diamondblue1974
    now i DO feel like i have lost everything!

    If thats how your boyfriend treats you Cord then you have lost very little in my opinion; its best not to read your parents notes to you if you are that upset by them as it clearly doesnt put you in a positive frame of mind.

    It seems from my limited observations that you take a whole load of flack off your parents and your partner and you simply just take it or keep going back for more....perhaps now its the time to prove you can make it on your own steam, you are not on your own...you have good friends and they will no doubt help you through this difficult time Cord...dust yourself down and start to rebuild your life....consider it a new beginning.

    Sorry if I am a little blunt I do mean it with the best of intentions.


  • anewme

    Cordelia, do you have a family doctor?
    You need to speak to a professional, and receive some counseling, maybe some meds, maybe get your family involved.

    I fear for you and your little girl right now.

    Why not just use this day to be alone and just calm down. No one has died. Nothing is written in stone.
    Your family loves you very much. Your bf is just crazy and upset because you are.

    Just focus on peace. Stop crying. You can fix everything another day. Just look about today at the beauty around you and try to get your emotions under control.

    And call a doctor and get some Xanax or Zoloft or Lexapro or Paxil!!!!!!!!


  • forsharry

    Alright. Now take a deep breath Cordelia and slowly release it.

    You have done nothing to your family but try to find a bit of happiness for yourself. If they can't handle the fact that you're finding happiness outside of the organization and are willing to sacrifice their relationships with you over this...then this is THEIR problem...it's NOT your fault. Stop doing that. Stop it right now. I mean really think about this. You want your child to be happy and satisfied in life do you not? Isn't that the ultimate want of a parent usually? You've shown us that through their devotion to this organization that the do NOT CARE about your happiness...they only CARE about you staying in the bOrg. Bwah? Since when did love become a conditional thing to be flipped on and of on whim? Their whole standpoints on loving one another is miserly.

    I'm sorry about the argument with your boyfriend. I hope you can mend that, because as you typed there WAS drinking involved...that never leads to good times when one drinks under stress or duress. But you have not lost everything, Cordelia. You have yourself...you have your mind, free from enslavement. You have your child, and you're starting to make a life for yourself...if your boyfriend ends up being in that life, fabulous...if not? Well, I've said it before...you've gotta work on you right now...and it's hard to be in a relationship (not impossible, but it is hard) with someone when you're trying to feel comfortable with yourself.

    Throw away your guilt on this, Cordelia. It's been said before...you have a right to freedom of religion and freedom from religion. You have a right to find happiness, and if you can't find with the JWs, then you have a right to find it elsewhere. Please try to remember that...I know it's hard right now; the beginning is a terrifying place to be...but it's not the beginning of the end...it is the END of the beginning. Try to be optimistic...things will get figured out. You go live some truth for yourself, okay?

  • shark attack
    shark attack


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