well i finally did it!

by Cordelia 39 Replies latest jw friends

  • Cordelia

    here is yet another thread about me (im so sorry everyone) but hopefully this is the closing chapter, and i just wanted to let anyone thats helped me along the way to know whats happened.

    i saw my dad and this time i was totally honest, he took me to some places we went as a child and said basically i have NO choice but to stop seeing my boyfreind, and attend the meetings again maybe even work at mending my marriage as that is the only way i will ever be truely happy (apparently)

    I said that even tho it means the past 9 months of attending and trying to get reinstated are a waste i just have to stop going to the meetings, i do not believe the society really acting on jehs behalf, (jeh would never shun me, etc) he said he cannot believe how spiritual iwas and that i am so 'apostate' now and in veiw of that he can have nothing to do with me, he cried i cried he said i am dead to him and it breaks his heart esp as he has to deal with the tumours he has found out he has,

    i feel so bad as he has tried to answer my questions and has come up with an answer on them all (except the un) and i know i am throwing contact with my family away and hurting them alot. part of me was still tempted to get reinstated but i cant live a lie anymore i want to keep proving to myself it defo isnt the 'truth' so i feel stronger coz this is so hard, but i want to give it a proper go with my boyfriend who has stuck by me through everything.

    i got a letter off my mum this morning (who threw me out of the house when she found out how i felt) bascially saying it was her last attempt to reach me, coz she thinks i dont realise the extent of what i am giving up 'my marriage sharing my little girl, my family extended family and all my friends, fincail security etc' i will write back and tell her i do realise but i cant live a lie!

    i feel so bad and yet alittle stronger now inside i hate hurting them but i want nothing more than to try and have a 'normal' life with my boyfreind, when we do move in together that will hurt them even more, it is so cruel what this religon does,

    but i have done the right thing HAVEN'T I?

  • forsharry

    Yes Cordelia, you have.

    You have chosen to live. You have chosen to live by your own terms, not the terms of everyone else around you and the kitchen sink to boot. I'm proud of you for taking this step. Yes, it was hard as hell, and I know you're having the 'buyers remorse' so to speak, but stand tall...be strong. You're not alone in this...stick with your boyfriend. If he's stuck with you through all of this then you have a gem and stick with him too. I'm sure he'll help you. I'd also suggest at this point maybe you see a counselor, just to go over things, and maybe solidify further these steps you're taking for yourself.

    You done good. You done real good.


  • anewme

    Cordelia darling, I have read all your posts. And you know I am seeking reinstatement.
    But honey I feel for you and I think you need desperately to have some peace.

    Go with your boy friend. Try to have a family life with him. Thank Jehovah in your heart when you find the peace you are looking for with your new family. (It is always appropriate to thank Jehovah for every good thing in your life, and your new man sounds like a good thing!)

    When the time is right, you can always seek Jehovah again. Remember that. Always. He will be there for you if you want to go that road again.
    But he is always your God even if you do not go back to the Kingdom Hall in the future.

    Best wishes Cordelia sweetheart.


  • Gadget


  • Legolas


    I hope this new big news helps you out in some way!

  • jgnat

    This is what I've been waiting to hear:

    and yet alittle stronger now inside

  • tall penguin
    tall penguin

    I've been following your story Cordelia. And I'm so proud of you. I know this wasn't easy. Choosing our own path rarely is. Yet you found the courage and spoke your truth. Good work!
    I think forsharry has some good advice in recommeding the support of a counsellor at this point. I've done this and it's helping me tremendously. Having a support network during major change is a must.
    Take care and enjoy each day as it comes.
    tall penguin

  • Crumpet

    I'm right with you honey. I know how traumatic and terible it is to face your fathers tears and pleas and a mothers angry hysterics. Its too awful - just don't dwell on it.

    I wish you happiness and hope we get to meet your young man at the next apostabbq perhaps.

    crumpet x

  • MerryMagdalene

    (((((Cordelia)))))yes, you did what you needed to do...firm but loving...now just keep moving forward, one step at a time...cherish your freedom--freedom to live, to love, to learn, to develop your own personal relationship with God, to question, to explore, to make mistakes, to correct yourself, to do what's best for your daughter...celebrate what you have gained, mourn what you have lost, do the best you can with what you've got...no one can do more than that


  • mrsjones5

    You did it! You bucked up! You're stronger than you think you are Cordelia honey. And we all know none of it was easy.

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