Looking for some advice

by MuadDib 40 Replies latest jw friends

  • defd

    es how do i know?

    Three months later I smoked my first joint - all uphill from there. discovered fun and girls

  • Es

    I dont really want to start a long debate here, but who are you to judge.... what was that scripture to look at yourself before you judge others.

  • defd

    es we dont need to debate. I realize and understand many of the peoples complaints, I have them too. I also know some have been pushed out and I feel for. But then there are those who NEVER wanted to be there in the first place, who just want to do their OWN thing, then come on here and blame the FDS and WTBTS and the brothers and so on. They come on saying Just got laid last night in a one night stand.....Just partied hard last night and got wasted.............just smoked a joint awhile ago and Im high.....ect ect.................Then they blame the WTBTS fior being mind controlling because they teach us NOT to do those things and they do not want to comply! FACT!


  • jwfacts

    You could go on living for what will make your mother happy, and end up like me. 35, married to a JW, with kids, and having little idea of who i am, what i want, and now hurting not just my mother but also a wife.

    Or you could end up like a 25 yo friend who was just disfellowshipped. He is also married. He no longer has a mother who speaks to him and does not expect to for the remainder of his life, a wife who does not know whether they should stay together, and a deep longing to find out who he is.

    Or since you now understand reality, you could fade, never enter a kingdom hall, not discuss your beliefs and actions with your mum or others so as not to get d/f, and hope to be left alone. Then your mother may at least feel like she can talk to you from time to time.

  • Eyebrow2

    I am a big fan of fading....sometimes that is the best way out. I didn't fade as gracefully as I probably should have, but I did fade, and it made it much eaiser for me and my family.

    Feed your mother a little info as time goes on, but be careful. Do your mom a favor, don't be a stranger, but if you are doing somethings that would get you Dfed...then do her a favor and don't bring it up.

    Welcome to the board, btw.

  • jgnat

    Hey, maudib. You know what is good for your soul. You want to ease the pain of your decision on your parents, if you can. I like you already. An early mistake of exiting JW's is thinking a letter will do it. It's just not a matter of stating the facts, you are dealing with the very complex issues of emotional control and cognitive dissonance. It is definitely easier to break it to our loved ones in degrees. The beard is an excellent start! I also like the idea of playing the prodigal son. Lots of JW parents assume their children will sow their wild oats before settling down to the daily grind.

    Nevermind defd. He thinks he has supernatural powers that allows him to read people's hearts.

  • rebel8

    Hi there,

    You want 2 things: (1) A clean break for your own mental health, and (2) Not to be in an official status which requires your family to shun you. Here is my suggestion for reaching both of those goals.

    Stop all JW activity right now and never go back. Give excuses as to why you are not attending meetings. Say you don't feel like it, you're sick, you are depressed, you're taking a break, you're discouraged, whatever, or give no excuse at all. Do not share any of your extra-curricular activities with your family or other JWs, ie, if celebrating holidays, dating, sex, etc. hide all of it from them for a few yrs. Then you will have no cause to be DFd or to be considered DAd. (Not that there is a foolproof way to avoid it because elders can break the rules if they want to.)

    To get the "clean break" sensation, you can do that on your own w/o having a cult convey the sense of closure upon you. Use your creativity to come up with something. Burn your literature, officially join another church but don't tell the JWs*, celebrate XMas, write an essay about what's wrong with the WTS and post it on the internet, whatever you can think of that will give you a sense of closure. You don't need them to convey closure to you--you can get that yourself--you are in charge of your feelings, not them.

    *That gave me a sense of closure. I went to my nearest church and signed up for membership. I do not attend it--I just wanted to symbolically sever the ties with the JWs. If you don't want to do that, you can even sign up for membership on the internet. Just google and pick whatever church you want.

  • These3Words

    Hi MaudDib,

    You could do what I did. Wake up on a rock on a California beach, with half your face sunburned.The night before you could ingest about 5 different drugs and maybe have sex with a girl who meditates with a crystal? You could then go to the mall and buy some acid, then get cought speeding down highway 17.Then you could go home to your two faced parents, a mother who herself is a drug addict and a father who though you looked like you had the name "EVERLAST" on your forhead. You could then be forced to go to a drug rehab, and that is were you find your answeres.Your whole world is opened up there and you find a Revalation of your own.


    You could live your own life and make your own descisions.You could look to God for answeres directly, and not look to humans for the so called truth!!

    I think Jesus said it best when he exclaimed"do not put your faith in man"!!! Notice he said faith? I personally put my faith im my Heavenly Father!

    Agape Love

    Good Luck

  • Country Girl
    Country Girl

    What you are about to embark on is sure to shake up yer family by the britches. There is only two things that can happen: they will DENY the typical JW behavior and STILL have something to do with you, or you will be an outcast. If you become an outcast, there is no other choice: you can go back, or stay out. It's really very simple. Join the religion or get out. If you get out, you wlll have to get family contact where you can and what you can. It's along hard row to ho.. but it's a lot easier knowing that some of us have done it and survived. You have to live with yourself, not us.


  • Mysterious

    I think it's important to reassure them that you love them and that you still seek to continue a relationship with them. Also since you are baptized you should probably avoid mentioning any doctrinal issues that you may or may not have. Perhaps emphasize that you need to spend more time taking care of yourself or that you need a break from things. Make them do the whole nod and say oh he's spirtually weak thing and not want to cut you out of their lives verus labelling you some kind of dangerous apostate.

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