Looking for some advice

by MuadDib 40 Replies latest jw friends

  • MuadDib

    Hi all. I'm a young man raised in the JWs, been meaning to get the hell out of Dodge for a few years now (basically ever since starting a history degree and learning why the JW conception of history, science, and indeed of reality is so utterly nonsensical, in addition to having discovered girls and fun). I have no qualms about leaving the organization, I don't care what the elders or anyone else think about my decision - with the exception of my family. I love my family deeply and I know that my decision will really hurt them, especially my mother (a full-time pioneer), and this is making me hesitate to do what I know needs to be done in addition to causing me a lot of worry and stress. I've already hit on the idea of writing a letter and explaining my stance, but I am wondering if anybody would care to describe a similar experience or offer me some guidance as to how I can couch this in a way that will maybe let them down a bit more easily. Any advice would be sincerely appreciated, thanks in advance.

  • AnnOMaly

    Hello MuadDib. Welcome. First of all, are you baptized?

  • MuadDib

    Yeah, I got baptized at 18 (I'm now 22). I did it to please my family - especially my mom - and I guess because I thought, having finished high school, it was time to knock down another landmark or something. I wasn't in university at the time and was considering getting more serious about the JWs. Three months later I smoked my first joint - all uphill from there.

  • atypical

    I have a similar situation with family and a wife in the jws. Because of that, I have been trying to fade away without any kind of announcement. It's not that I care what the religion thinks of me, but I do care how it affects my relationships. I slowly started missing more and more meetings, getting less and less time in service, until I had stopped both. It can be a painful process, though, depending on the particular territory you live in. I personally have been hounded by brothers in the hall who so far are not giving up.

  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    Maudib -

    YOu stated;

    how I can couch this in a way that will maybe let them down a bit more easily. Any advice would be sincerely appreciated, thanks in advance.

    The typical problem is not in them being let down [although they usually are]. The typical problem is that if you are baptized they will cut you out of thier lives if you should DA or be DF'd. IF there is little chance of that happening [being DA or DF], then the issue you mentions comes to point.

    That will just take time I would think, for them to accept it. Some die-hards will absolutely shun you in either case - so you have to weigh that too. Is it possible to just 'fade off' and do it that way?


  • delilah

    Welcome, Muad....my question, is, how did your mom take to the idea of you going off to college, since it is frowned upon within the organization? If she took it OK, then I think if I were you, I'd seriously think about just doing a slow fade. That way, it's gradual, your mother will be less inclined to freak out on you, and you won't be DF'd, or DA'd. It is very difficult, to lose our entire family, and circle of friends, all at once, because we have been DF'd, or DA'd. But, really, you owe it to yourself, to THINK it over, and do what is best for You, then your family. Best wishes, my friend. Keep us informed......

  • AnnOMaly
    Yeah, I got baptized at 18

    Damn! Especially as it was for the wrong reasons. That complicates matters. If you want to keep contact with your family, you're going to have to play this very carefully and patiently. Fading gradually, as others have said, might be the better option for you.

  • serendipity

    Hi MUADdib,

    Welcome to the forum! Since you're baptized, if you express doubts, you could very well be df'd. Be careful!

  • MsMcDucket

    Tell them that you've decided to be the prodigal son. At least, this way they'll think you're coming back.

  • Satanus

    Good advice here, maudib. Are you a big dune fan? It's been a long time since i read that name.


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