To Rebel or not to Rebel? that is the question!

by freedomlover 45 Replies latest jw experiences

  • freedomlover

    I am truly looking for your honesty on this issue...not that I think any of you have been dishonest - I just don't want the sugar coated version of Pollyanna lines.

    I have spoken about this subject privately with one of you - ;) - and also with my hubby. However, I'm wondering if I'm in the minority here when I bring this subject up.

    Being raised a JW I had to be SO straight for SO long. now I want to just shed ALL responsiblity. It's totally out of my character. I'm the "level-headed", "reliable" one to any who know me. Yet I have this burning desire to just REBEL. Rebel against everything, the whole world. The only catch is - I am a wife and mom. You still have quite a bit of responsibility when you're in those roles. It leads you down roads of thought at times where you question would you have had children or gotten married if you knew what you know now. I have had my share of abuse and divorce and nasty parents when I was a kid, so I won't do that to my children. I am also aware of the great paradox that rebeling JUST to rebel against the JW's/GB/WTS/whatever means to a certain degree that they still are controlling your actions! damn, I hate that.....

    So, I suppose I'm asking you all - did you have this experience when you left? If you did, what did you do to cleanse yourself of this and yet not destroy your life for the future? I've seen some people leave and they just go all out and then literally contract a VD or become a total drug addict or destoy their marriage. If you did have this experience how long did it last for you or what would you recommend in dealing with this issue?

    Thanks in advance for pondering this............

  • zen nudist
    zen nudist

    what do you really want? what is your goal behind all goals?

    I find there is only one goal behind every goal we have, peace of mind.... we want to be free of pain, anxiety, boredom, want and desire... in other words we want to be satisfied and content.... but being a dynamic living being, this only lasts for small amounts of time and we lose it so quickly it is almost like we never found it....

    you want to rebel, why? because you found the straight jacket too tight, it was painful and produced anxiety and distress and now you want it off!!! but you dont want to lurch completely out of control and cause yourself even more pain do you?

    every move we make is a gamble to some degree, but with your best skill you need to chose from your options availible to you in each moment and then assess the results.... that is really all there is. wishing life was more only causes more anxiety and distress.

  • forsharry

    absolutely. I wanted to do all sorts of off the wall things, and I was considered the straight laced one of the house. I can only imagine how compounded that feeling is when you are a wife and mother as you said. For me? I started to do little things and not necessarily rebelious things. I lived in New I went to Mardi Gras parades...definitely nothing illegal or immoral...just anti-dub. I befriended 'worldy' people and went out and had very nice times (ie bars, movies, restaurants, etc.) Again, nothing bad, but just something out of character. I redefined myself...I chose for myself what I thought was important to follow and what ideas to throw away...that to me felt very rebelious coming from the JW mindspeak mindset where you follow what is given to you unquestioningly.

    I'm not sure if that helps you any...but maybe just let your hair down a bit. It doesn't mean go out and get a tattoo or piercings or go get drugged up or whatever...just have yourself a good time. Life is short...and as far as any of us KNOW it's the only shot we've got. Try to make the best of it. :)

    Join a club, take up dancing, learn to paint, take up a sport...all productive things but outside of what jdubs would do. Find yourself. Be happy. :)

  • carla

    Seeing that no one responded yet, I'll give it a try. Though, as you know I'm not jw. I know what you mean by wanting to shall I say, run away? I even know a few women who did just that! Much to the emotional damage of the kids and husband. Here is a silly (really silly) comparison for the feeling of rebelling- husband has a thing about movies lately due to being jw, even pg13 are questionable, which makes me feel like going and getting a slasher, trash movie! Which I don't even like. And I don't get. There are other stupid things in which I want to do just the oposite just to rebel against the society and him. But I don't. I figure if I wouldn't have done that before, the only reason is my immature anger at the moment.

    You have a lot of responsibilities now, maybe you just need a little R&R and someone to take care of you for awhile, even if it's only for an afternoon. It's ok to let your hair down a little. I don't think you will run off and turn into a drug addict or anything. I see many fine people who have left and seem like wonderful people to me. Having a little fun doesn't mean you do drugs, have indiscriminate sex, and the like.

    Maybe you need an afternoon out with the girls (hopefully non jw). Have a few laughs, get silly. Do you have a hobby? Take a class or something? That could be helpful.

    This too shall pass.

    all the best, carla

  • AuldSoul

    Yes, I wanted to rebel. I chose not to because I'll be damned if I will let them create so much pressure inside me that I become a defense for their lies against "apostates."

    So, I rebel but not against everything. It is tough to choose which things matter enough to you personally when you've been told what is important for so long. Now it is time to decide. The best way to attack the WTS is to live a whole, happy life apart from them. But it will take stretching decision making synapses you haven't used in a while.

    We're here for you.


  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    Looking at the many thousands of posts and posters here has given me the impression that many go thru that.

    I was, since I was 5 years old, always the straight laced, button up type. That personallity fit perfectly into the jdub lifestyle of course. I was from the first moment I met them, at the age of 5, completely the straight arrow. Now at 50, having left at 48, how do I act and react? I think the answer is that I wish to 'act' not react.

    I am moral, caring, and a family man all the way. The jdubs reinforced that trait, but I really think that is me anyway, dub or no dub.

    My rebellion has been limited to Xmas celebration this year, choosing whatever entertainment I wish [although that is all pretty tame yet], reading whatever I want to read, and allowing myself to actually think.

    Honestly. And that has been enough for me so far. But my age and gender perspective is probably not too relative to your situation I suppose.

    Don't run too fast too quickly I would say. Let your goals determine where you go and how fast. Remember why you were a dub - was it just due to ignorance? OR did you want to live a moral proper Christian lifestyle? My answer to that has influenced me to stay pretty well in the same direction it was before I left - just without the undue and improper belief that some distant GB should tell me what is right and wrong.

    Just my opinion


  • undercover
    It leads you down roads of thought at times where you question would you have had children or gotten married if you knew what you know now.

    Yes...I think that is a normal feeling. I felt that way myself anyway.

    You can still "rebel" without giving up your responsibilies. I rebeled to some extent, but not enough to jeopardize my marriage, my career, or lifelong friendships (though I came close a couple of times). I started to enjoy the things that the world had to offer instead of looking down on them. Clubs, bars, motorcyle rallys, strip clubs and other things that I always secretly wanted to do as a JW but denied myself, I finally allowed myself to enjoy.

    There was a darker side that I did manage to control. Sexual rebelliousness was tempting and I had the oppurtunity but faithfulness to my wife and not some responsibility to a god or religion kept me from ruining our marriage.

  • blondie

    I can't speak for anyone else but I first with my sexual abuse and the alcoholic abuse in my family, all while an "active" JW and with no help from the elders. I was fortunate enough to get involved with a branch of AA, Adult Children of Alcoholics, which also helped me deal with the sexual abuse since many ACOAs were abused.

    Leaving the WTS was easier, having already dealt with abuse in 2 forms, now a third, spiritual. I have found ways to rebel that hurt the WTS not me.


  • mrsjones5
    I have found ways to rebel that hurt the WTS not me.

    That's the ticket.

  • Finally-Free

    I don't view any of my actions as being "rebellious" toward the watchtower society, because to do so would imply they have some measure of authority over me. They do not.

    I try to live according to the law and my personal ethics, and I take into consideration the people I care about.

    Outside of that, anything goes.


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