To Rebel or not to Rebel? that is the question!

by freedomlover 45 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  atypical

  Just to add to what everyone else said, my best advice, and what I am trying very hard to do is this:

  Get away from black and white thinking. Don't do things because you are no longer a witness. Do them or don't do them based on a good reason. Learn to think for yourself. There is nothing wrong with tattoos, piercings, wild hair, whatever, but that doesn't mean you should or shouldn't choose those things. Choose based on your own newfound sense of independent thinking. If something will make you feel good, enrich your life, and won't hurt someone else, then by all means do it if you want.

  I have two very close friends who faded years before me, and one of our favorite sayings is, "Oh well, I'm going to hell anyway!"

  We only say that as a joke, because we know witnesses look at us as though we are going to die. In reality, we go out and have a good time, but we keep it within reason, we pick a sober driver, and we don't even consider cheating on our wives because we know that just because we are not a witness doesn't mean that anything goes. In my opinion, that's thinking that the watchtower promotes: Anyone who is not an active witness is leading a degenerate lifestyle.

  The best revenge is living well.
• 

  HappyDad

  Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...........................................

  First of all.................your thinking is not bad! You are going through a process that a lot of ex's have and are going through. It's part of of the moving and growing experience.

  What I would suggest is for you and hubby to meet up with a fellow ex or ex's and share notes and experiences. You may not agree on all points, but there just might be something that you all share in common. A meeting up with like people can enhance your own determination to NEVER again allow yourself to be fooled by an individual or organization.

  By the way..................I'm freezing now and it sure was my pleasure meeting you and that guy.......!!!!!!

  HappyDad
• 

  FreeWilly

  Freedomlover,

  You've been locked in a cage looking at life outside. Now that you're out all you want to do is RUN RUN RUN. So RUN then, just don't hit a tree or twist an ankle. Yep I was this way too.

  Keep in mind that being in the JW's stunts your pyscological growth. Everything you needed to do was laid out for you (and more). Everything you should be thinking was laid out for you. Right and wrong were laid out for you. Hell everything that happens between now and when you die was predetermined.

  You have to come into your own. For me this took a couple of (happy) years. The best part of being our of the 'borg' is knowing who you are, what you like, and coming to grips with yourself. In the "troof" we were always taught that we were more or less scumbags that needed a bunch of crusty old men to tell us what to do.

  Some advice:

  Explore, but don't self destruct. Your in a major life transition now give it time. .

  Own your sh*t - Being a JW teaches people to conform and seek others approval. If you like to dance topless at a bar full of sweaty guys, your gonna need to own that. OK, maybe you should keep that one from the kids for a little while...:)

  Get used to not knowing life's answers. 'The Society' had all the answers. Some people need that. Unfortunately life doesn't give up her secrets easily so get used to it.

  When it all settles you'll find a peaceful place.

  However, now that you know THIS LIFE is the only one you know FOR SURE you have, then get out there. You're not gettin any younger sista.
• 

  freedomlover

  it sure was my pleasure meeting you and that guy.......

  HappyDad - we thoroughly enjoyed meeting you also....

  Pretty interesting how the night turned out. Did you think you'd have to hang out with some real JW's also?! Thanks for playing it so cool. Glad we got to meet and chat.
• 

  freedomlover

  AUDE -

  If you are that ready, I'd go for the permanent tatt and maybe put it somewhere that is conspicuously exposed but can readily be covered incase you find yourself in a situation where you don't want to flaunt your rebellion. Upper arm or back of shoulder??

  -already have a few picked out.....probably lower back in center....right above my butt. kind of peeks out of your jeans but makes people look twice...

  And the navel piercing.

  - I'm going to do this in the next few weeks and then followed by my nose.

  Open a christmas savings account for 2006??

  - already planning next xmas for my kids............

  Burn the books. (Tear up a few first.)

  - ummm....YES! anybody know any good WICCA campfire songs we can sing around our bonfire?!

  Contact Silent Lambs. Let them know you can be a 'safe house' (probably need family consensus on this one since it's their home too).

  -- what's this all about...didn't know you could do this?

  I sky-dived. But I don't think I'd have done it with young children. And it's pretty expensive for a newbie.

  - already have a friend who does this and I've set a date to try this..........

  Couple months ago I bought a used motorcycle. First I took the Rider's safety class. That in itself was fun and felt a little like rebellion. My JW family just rolled their eyes at me.

  - yep, ready for this also. I want to drive the motorcycle not just be the rider on the back.....

  I really think this is UNhealthy, but rather than buy a whole pack of cigarettes, maybe just bum one off a friend - or even more daring, a STRANGER! Just smoke and chat with them for a few minutes then be off and about your normal, decent life. A simple 'thanks' to your smoking partner and you are gone.

  - loved this idea....going to do it this week.

  Take a philosophy class at the local community college. (or a religion class.

  - going back to school when I move and philosophy class is 1st on my list...

  LOVE YOU IDEAS!! now you're thinking like me.....don't worry I'll totally let you know how my progress goes.... pics and all.

  ATYPICAL -

  "Oh well, I'm going to hell anyway!"

  Love this....my new motto! too funny.....

  FREEWILLY -

  now that you know THIS LIFE is the only one you know FOR SURE you have, then get out there. You're not gettin any younger sista.

  AMen my brotha! good advice....

  last but not least...TETRAPOD - right here man! (points from my eyes to your eyes) seeing eye to eye man! thanks for all your words....I suppose some people here would be horrified that I can see eye to eye with you! ha!
• 

  AuldSoul

  Well freedomlover, I am delighted you guys had an...interesting...evening. This is the area which holds the most promise for me of my wife waking up, she is definitely a rebel in certain respects.

  She is a rebel and a vixen. She is also living vicariously through me and loving it. She discusses the rings she's "going to give me" and some of them are quite inventive, although I'm sure every part of the body that can be pierced has been pierced at some point in history. She doesn't know about piercings, so she is inventing them even if they've been done before. She has me growing a full beard and shaving...those are not mutually exclusive.

  Anyway, I am encouraging her as much as possible knowing it will draw out her self-awareness to come up with these sorts of ideas. I want her to retain her sense of self as much as possible. You have been a JW wife for a while, do you think that is a good course to make her more likely to wake up?

  AuldSoul
• 

  freedomlover

  Auld soul -

  You have been a JW wife for a while, do you think that is a good course to make her more likely to wake up?

  it's hard to say. but I would encourage anything that teaches her to have fun. you're not allowed to have fun as a witness. she probably loves it that she can do that stuff with you. tell her how sexy it would be for her to get a navel ring! tell her you'll take her to do it. it could be a fun bonding thing to do together!
• 

  AuldSoul

  I would, freedomlover, but she is paralyzed by the thought of pain, due in large part to childhood trauma. I will suggest it anyway, just to get her thinking on it. Oddly, she doesn't seem to have many qualms when it comes to inflicting pain...
• 

  ithinkisee

  Oddly, she doesn't seem to have many qualms when it comes to inflicting pain...

  Nice ...

  -ithinkisee
• 

  Narkissos

  Hi Freedomlover,

  Just some miscellaneous and terribly unpractical thoughts.

  As long as it is a question the answer definitely is "not to rebel".

  "Rebelling" when/however you might be advised to (by friends, fashion, ads, or whatever) would still be obeying.

  Rebellion starts when you actually don't know what you are up to, and stop worrying about that -- perhaps enjoying it instead. When you are not scared anymore of not ruling out anything, from the wildest to the most unremarkable. When instead of planning and controlling yourself you become just curious -- tragically or ironically curious -- of what you will do.

  Rebellion is a moment -- a very important one. Dare I quote the Bible?

  For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
  
  a time to be born, and a time to die;
  
  a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
  
  a time to kill, and a time to heal;
  
  a time to break down, and a time to build up;
  
  a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
  
  a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
  
  a time to throw stones, and a time to gather stones together;
  
  a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
  
  a time to seek, and a time to lose;
  
  a time to keep, and a time to throw away;
  
  a time to tear, and a time to sew;
  
  a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
  
  a time to love, and a time to hate;
  
  a time for war, and a time for peace.

  Tras el vivir y el soñar, está lo que más importa: despertar. (Beyond living and dreaming, there is the most important: waking up). -- Antonio Machado.

  Take care.