Another Prank :)>

by Nate Merit 27 Replies latest social humour

  • Nate Merit
    Nate Merit

    Mark Smith and I pulled this prank during the approximate time-frame as the others. Sometime in 1979.

    Mark had been disfellowshipped from the Church of Christ at age 19, I from the JW's at the same age. Mark and I were 25 and 26 respectively at this time. Our motive: MISCHEIF!

    We'd been having discussions with an elder of the Ann Arbor C of C during which the elder stood up, told us we were on our way to hell, and left in a huff.

    That was a big mistake.

    A week later, Mark and I were sipping wine waiting for our spouses to return home from shopping. It was late, and I was buzzed. We were discussing the behavior of the C of C elder, when I hit upon a Plan.

    "Hey man, check this out!" I said to Mark as I grabbed the phone book and opened it at random. "Guide me oh thou great Jehovah!" I playfully prayed as I opened the book at random and plunked my finger down.

    "What're you doing?" Mark queried as I carried the phone book to the map of Ann Arbor that was mounted on his living room wall.

    "Setting that elder up. Maybe to get an ass whuppin'."

    I searched the map for the location of the man whose name I had picked at random. His name was "Mustbe Atool."

    "Got our victim!" I declared, with the little gleeful dance that usually accompanies the mysterious workings of My Great Brain.

    Mark stood up and walked over to the map, clueless. "What the hell are you up to now?"

    "Just watch the Maestro at work, okay?"

    I scribbled down directions to Mustbe Atool's house, then dialed his number.

    "Hey is this mister Atool?" I inquired politely, as a very deep male voice with a nasal twang answered the phone. Oh goody, I thought, a giant to pancake Elder Butthead!

    "Yes it is. Who may I ask who is calling?"

    Yes you certainly may ask, I said to myself, but you sure as hell aren't going to get a straight answer! Mimicry is one of my gifts, so I disguised my voice as that of Elder Butthead, a hoarse and gravelly voice that was easy to copy.

    "Yes, this is Elder Butthead from the Church of Christ. I'm going to come over to your house and LEAD YOU TO JESUS!"


    I hung up the phone. "Okay Mark, let's find Elder Butthead's number." Mark searched eagerly through the directory, now understanding my nefarious scheme.

    "Got it!"

    "Give it to The Maestro."

    I dialed the number as Mark pinpointed Elder Butthead's precise location on the map. When the irresistible force met the immovable object, we wanted to be there. I disguised my voice in the same nasal twang as Mustbe Atool.

    "Hello, Elder Butthead?"

    "This is he."

    "My name is Mustbe Atool, and I found your name in the phone book, in the ad for the Church of Christ."

    "All right. How can I help you Mr. Atool?"

    "Well, I've been mighty depressed of late. Ever since my dawg died and I lost my job and my wife left me, things just ain't been the same. I need help, sir."

    "Well, you certainly must have been guided by the Lord! Would you mind if I swung by your home with a friend of mine who's been through the same trials that you've been through?"

    "That would be great sir, just great!" I gave Elder Butthead directions, and gave Mark my Evil Grin. The grin I reserved for special occasions such as this, when pranks were moving smoothly like bowels and bran flakes.

    "See you in a few minutes then Mr. Atool."

    "Oh thank you sir. God bless you."


    "We gotta hurry Mark! They only live about a mile apart!"

    Mark was searching for his car keys. He drove a beat up piece-of-shit yellow Datsun. I slipped on my coat and zipped it up.

    "I found my keys! Let's go!

    Out the door we went and ran to Mark's Datsun. He fired it up and soon we were running red lights to get to Mustbe Atool's house on time. Mark nearly collided with the side of a semi.

    "Jesus Christ on a bicycle Mark! Cut it the hell out! I wanna pulla prank, not have a near death experience!"

    'Shut up and be a passenger Merit."

    "Up yours Smith."

    "Your mother's a bitch, Nate."

    "Yeah, so?"

    Our usual warm and endearing banter. About fifteen minutes and three heart attacks later, Mustbe Atool's house was in view. It was easy to spot because Elder Butthead and a hippie were out front with a knuckle dragging mouth breather I could only assume was Mr. Atool. Mustbe was a bit peeved. I deduced this from the flailing of his arms and the volume of his voice, as well as the telltale cowering of Elder Butthead & Company.

    Mark pulled to a stop and honked the horn, and I rolled down the window. The three men froze, startled, and then looked our way. I spoke up. Doing my Elder Butthead impression once more, I said,

    "I'm going to come over to your house and LEAD YOU TO JESUS!"

    All three men got bug-eyed. Mr Atool fixed me with a fairly dangerous gaze.

    "Book!" I shouted and we were gone.

    "We're gonna look back on this and wonder what the hell we were thinking," Mark said absently.

    "You know it," I agreed.

  • lonelysheep

    Lol!!!! That's funny, Nate! And bold to actually go there and see the show!

  • Nate Merit
    Nate Merit

    Glad ya like it lonely-sheep! This pranks is Mark's favorite, since he was disfellowshipped by the C of C.

    Any typos and mistakes in the story are due to the hurried nature of the writing.


  • Sunspot

    Normally I am quite conservative and wouldn't condone such goings-on....but...


    I loved it!



  • Golf

    Good laugh Nate. The Lord must have been with you, the timing was great! Timing is everything to a joke.


  • Nate Merit
    Nate Merit

    Hi Annie!

    My wife asked me to tell you she likes your little miss mousey avatar!

    Hey, thanks again for having a sense of humor. Perhaps the Others will show up again and explain to me in excruciating detail the exact nature of my condition and its cure.


    Been there done that.

    Hugs to you too Annie!

  • TopHat

    A far flong story if ever I heard one!

  • Nate Merit
    Nate Merit

    Howdy Golf!

    Dying is easy, comedy is hard.

    I'm glad you got a laugh. I'm basically a comedian and love to make people laugh. Always have.


  • Gretchen956

    Nate, just goes to prove what I have always maintained, growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional! You are twisted, I like that.


  • Evanescence

    How did your mate get excommunicated from C o C?


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