guys i really need your help

by Cordelia 99 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  daystar

  i honestly dont know what would make me truely happy!

  Very few of us do. But you are much more likely to find happiness by walking your own path without such strong concern for what other people think.

  However, I think I see at what you're getting. If getting reinstated and then fading is an acceptable compromise for you, then do it. If the b/f won't understand, then lose the boy. You don't need someone who freaks out or runs at signs of hardship. If he can't deal with this, how will he deal with other difficult life situations?\

  However, also understand that if you do get reinstated just to keep ties to your father, etc., you are giving in to emotional blackmail.
• 

  LittleToe

  Cordy:

  see if the bf wasnt in the picture i would just be leaving for me and would probably do that after i got reinstated

  Then you probably need to do that. But be aware that it's a long, hard, lonely road that gets worse every month, with more and more demands. The way you answered the Elders last time has made it more difficult for future meetings with them. Further, they can snatch the rug from under your feet at any time, by DFing you again. You will never be totally free - such is the cost of that which you seek...

  (play them at their own game get that annoucement maybe even help unsupecting ones to leave!)

  You'd never pull it off. I would forget that idea. I thought about continuing on and becoming a Circuit Overseer, as it was imminent, but finally came to the conclusion that it was futile.
• 

  Cordelia

  thanks again

  daystar thats what i was wondering if the bf has been so unsupportive now ( and actually cruel at times) then i dont need him, i was scared that i was being unreasonable and expecting too much but i think i deserve a little understanding not an unreasonable request to do everything at once! (i think)

  little toe i know i have made things harder esp as i have started working on a tuesday over the group time, and i dont want to go thru all the hard times again, my ex husband would prob support me if i showed i was doing it properly (he still wants us to get back for our little girl!) i am just so confused i have just been focusing on the bf entirely but its ended up with me getting hurt,

  i just have to think whats best for me and my daughter (tho what that is i dont know!)
• 

  LittleToe

  It sounds like you haven't actually been concentrating on anything exclusively, and so the b/f has got hurt, too.

  By all normal standards the behaviour you've exhibited is completely inconsistent. The poor guy doesn't stand a chance of understanding what's going on, so don't blame him. His "cruelty" is likely only frustration that has built up over the past weeks and months. It's very clear to him that they booted you out and now you have a relationship with him that you needn't hide.

  Actually he would be totally right to feel that way under any normal circumstance, but you are playing with other factors outwith his ken. To be frank you are expecting too much of him, but that's not totally your fault either.

  Basically you need to finish writing that list, make your mind up what you really want, and then stick to it. The longer you delay it, the more those closest to you will get hurt and you'll continue to be completely confused, bewildered and upset. Make your choice and just do it...
• 

  Simon

  but he thinks given the chance he could dissprove everything

  Would your dad be willing to have someone call round to see him and be given the chance to disprove everything about the WTS I wonder?
• 

  sass_my_frass

  I don't know if you're being realistic about being reinstated... they're going to question you very thoroughly about your b/f and you might just give in and tell them that you've been seeing him all this time, in which case all the effort you've put in to be reinstated was wasted, because at the same time you were seeing him, so it doesn't mean anything to them.

  And when you're finally reinstated, slwoly fading away again will be difficult for you, with all of your family ties to the organisation. It's not like you will be able to hide the life you want to live then any easier than you can now.
• 

  Cordelia

  you are right, sometimes i wonder why i left in the first place now my ex is trying to be nice and keeps saying we shouldnt be sharing our little girl but he would only have me back if i was in the truth again! and obviously there was areason i left in the first place! i just gave up so much we had a lovely house,

  im just so mixed up and now my mum has broke her arm and actually invited me round tomorrow as she says it is difficult family circumstances so she can see me! i know it will just be an opputunity for her to tell me to get reinstated and back with my ex,

  i just dont know what to do the bf says he will get back with me but only if i tell everyone we are moving in together and give it a proper go! but then i hurt everyone even more (coz id be living in sin!) and then i feel mad at him giving me that ultermatim when he has treated me so bad, but then he does prob deserve it,

  see i feel that if he had been supportive and nice i could of done anything! but maybe i wouldnt be happy without my family! im so mixed up (and going on too much!)
• 

  LittleToe

  That's an interesting development. It shows that your mum is willing to use any excuse to see you. It bodes well

  You know well that it's not the "Truth", and shutting your eyes to that fact would likely be impossible. You know fine well why you split up form your ex. Have things truly been resolved there?

  It's one thing to look back fondly on a past that had high points, but completely another to recreate it. Life moves on, and so must we...

  ...life is so fleeting.

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/27/14988/1.ashx

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/27/31891/1.ashx
• 

  Cordelia

  Ross those poem were brilliant have you wrote any more since?

  you are right my mum is a good sign but would she still do it if she thought i was living in sin!

  i dont understand why im so mixed up, how can i swing from loving my bf and be willing to give up everything, then being strong enough to tell my dad i dont want the truth even tho im not reinstated, to feeling like i should just go back to my old life for my daughter even if it means being back in the truth! i find myself thinking things like we would move halls that would be ok and maybe it is the truth??

  how can i be swinging so much and should i lose my family if im not sure altho if i dont i will find myself back in the truth and have lost my bf!!
• 

  LittleToe

  From the outside looking in (and please forgive me if you think my comments incorrect, for they are certainly not intended to be hurtful in any sense) you have been through a lot and are currently emotionally unstable. That's not a criticism, by any stretch of the imagination, just an observation based on what little interaction we've had.

  The swings of mood and emotion, the lack of concentration and total indecisiveness betray inner turmoil and hard decisions. I suspect you still haven't been able to apply your mind to that list, have you? Barring it being hard to concentrate on it, do you fear what it will reveal?

  I have some simple advice for you. Go to your GP and ask that you get some NHS counselling before you lose your mind.

  (((hugs)))

  PS I usually only write when touched by the emotion for it. Alas, I can't really turn it on and off, for then it would lack soul.