guys i really need your help

by Cordelia 99 Replies latest jw friends

  • Mum
    Mum

    C, Everyone who has responded gave you some really good perspective on the situation. Let me add the following:

    First, it is not in your best interest to make decisions based on feelings rather than what is best for you and your child(ren) and loved ones long-term.

    Second, your dad seems to actually care about you, but he (as Abaddon pointed out) is not free to think for himself or express his true feelings.

    Third, what Anglise said is what helped me end a marriage to a JW and move on with my life. I looked at my little daughter and knew I would not wish on her what I was going through. I wanted her to be free to make choices based on building a good life for herself (the "pursuit of happiness").

    Fourth, it won't be easy, but it will be worth it. It's heart wrenching and gut wrenching at first (as you are no doubt experiencing it now).

    If you choose to try to please your dad now, you are merely postponing your choice to be an adult and make your own decisions and choices for the right reasons.

    Take care and go slowly,

    SandraC

  • Es
    Es

    Big hugs,

    I really know how you feel, altho not d\f i am a fadder and im marrying a "worldly" guy next month. My folks asked me this week what am i going to do bout birthdays and christmas, little do they know i have been celebrating it since i left. I have a 3 year old and altho we have been able to hide it from then last couple of years he is getting of age where he knows more bout it and talks bout it so i think this christmas might be it for things to hit the roof.

    Talking to my fiance last night and he said dont compromise your self and you dont want to bring your son up thinking we need to keep quiet bout birthdays and christmas. And he is so right, but on the other hand it will kill my folks and that hurts me too.

    Its really hard to know what to do, i just take one day at a time

    All the best hun

    I feel for you

    es

  • Cordelia
    Cordelia

    only just been able to reply to you all, my dad was here for hours last night and turned up again just now to 'use my toliet!' (he lives half an hour away!!)

    i did stand my ground told them that all along i have felt this way and was only ever getting reinstated so i could have my family and friends back, i even said that when i was reinstated i was going to leave and date this boy, and that i really didint believe it is the 'truth' anymore

    he was upset but actually very calm and nice (which made things harder) and he had bought loads of printed watchtowers about questions id asked, he seems to be able to answer most things (or at least thinks hes answered them) i told him i didnt want to be apostate but the society have got so many things wrong over the years that what i am concerned about is if they are also wrong about 'shunning' as it is breaking my family apart! i told him i think the bible does talk about punnishing wrongdoers but the whole stripping peoples humanity (shunning) is just an evil rule made up by controlling men. (he seems to think the only thing the society have got wrong is dates!) (by the way does anyone know where the wt is that says you defo cant have transplants?)

    he said he knows why i feel like that, but kept saying that i am almost there im almost ready to be reinstated and if i stop the meetings now and be with the bf i will undo all my 8 months of hard work, he does have a point but i dont think theyd reinstate me for at least another 6 months and i think i would be mental by then, he said why dont i miss one or two meetings or even have a break for a few weeks and if i am feeling depressed go to his house (how would that help??)

    i just stuck by it all, even said 'ok but even if it is the 'truth' i dont want to know because of the way they have treated me' and begged 'why cant u want me to be happy, which i would be if i didnt have the pressure of the 'truth' and was free to be with my bf ' but it was like it was falling on deaf ears, i told him i wanted to be with my bf and still when he was leaving he said a prayer and in it said i have two choices and he hopes i choose the right one the 'truth' the only thing that will make me happy!

    WHY IS HE NOT LISTENING I TOLD HIM MY CHOICE!!!!!!!!!

  • candidlynuts
    candidlynuts

    hugs honey...

    what a traumatic couple of days for you!

    my question is.... does your dad realize that you truly do have doubts and are basing your decisions on that or does he think that this is something your doing so you can " have " your boyfriend?

    your dad seems to love you a lot.. if you keep your mind straight and your conversations focused on specific matters instead of jumping around a bunch of topics, i'm sure you'll eventualy get your point across.

    it truly is heartbreaking that you are put in a position of having to worry about losing your parents! what kind of religion would be ok in gods eyes that does that? its not right.

  • Cordelia
    Cordelia

    cndidlynuts, my dad thinks i do truely have doubts because of things i have read about the society but he thinks given the chance he could dissprove everything.

    He thinks i dont want to give him the chance because my emotions are involved because i want to be with the lad, but he is ignoring what i want and trying to helpme 'spritually' anyway!

    so its abit of both,

    thing is i guess i was stupid coz i thought that when id told them what i want even tho they would be heartbroke i thought theyd accept it but i think the only way my dad would never contact me again would be if he saw my bf and me together, i dont think hes going to stop coming round etc till then, but altho i dont want his pressure anymore i do not want to hurt him like that, im so confused, thats why my orignal plan was to get reinstated and then say i dont want it, but i would prob lose the bf that way, like i said im confused!!

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    I have felt a lot of your pain.

    My relationship with my parents has been on rocky grounds for many years and will remain that way unless they realise their mistake.

    In order to get my parents back, I would have to destroy their relationships with lifelong friends and family, everything they have lived for, or live a lie.

    My father is the ultimate Jehovah's Terrorist, nothing but a WT bully, and he looks down on me because I won't join his cult. He has taken many unwitting victims for the WT and he will take more. He deserves to find out what he has done.

    If he offered me a study I would accept it. I would insist on deciding what materials we would study, starting with the Should you Believe in the Trinity brochure.... I would let him get away with a bit until he got to the real nasties, and then I would make him prove everything before going on to the next study and I would insist on that next study. I would have Weigal's book on the table. I would have the works of the anti-nicene fathers etc. on the table and I would make him write to the Society to get the answers he hasn't got.

    He won't offer me that study. I blew my my chance. Anything I say now bounces off his head as though he is wearing a potty on it.

    I love him. I just wish he would stop being Jehovah's Terrorist and just be a father to me.

  • AuldSoul
    AuldSoul

    And Cordelia, it isn't "just the dates" the "Slave" got wrong. It was, and this is HUGE, what they said would happen on those dates that they got wrong.

    It wasn't just a matter of building up expectation for "something, but we don't know quite what." It was saying that the Bible confirmed absolutely that such-and-such would happen in such-and-such a year. That is called prophecy. Your dad doesn't seem to grasp that it wasn't just a matter of expecting certain dates, it was a matter of foretelling events in Jehovah's name.

    Deuteronomy 18:20-22 says: “‘However, the prophet who presumes to speak in my name a word that I have not commanded him to speak or who speaks in the name of other gods, that prophet must die. And in case you should say in your heart: “How shall we know the word that Jehovah has not spoken?” when the prophet speaks in the name of Jehovah and the word does not occur or come true, that is the word that Jehovah did not speak. With presumptuousness the prophet spoke it. You must not get frightened at him.’

    Was Jehovah using the "Slave?" Was His spirit directing them? According to them, yes. Did they speak of future events in Jehovah's name? YES! Did those events come true? No.

    This is the only definition of false prophet in the Bible. If your dad wants to stick with dates, that's fine. When someone spoke in God's name and the word failed to come true, could they just say, "Woops! You were overeager in your expectations. Try to keep your anticipation under control next time," and escape accusation as false prophets? No.

    What did Jesus tell us directly to be warned against and watch out for?

    Matthew 7:15-20 “Be on the watch for the false prophets that come to YOU in sheep’s covering, but inside they are ravenous wolves. By their fruits YOU will recognize them. Never do people gather grapes from thorns or figs from thistles, do they? Likewise every good tree produces fine fruit, but every rotten tree produces worthless fruit; a good tree cannot bear worthless fruit, neither can a rotten tree produce fine fruit. Every tree not producing fine fruit gets cut down and thrown into the fire. Really, then, by their fruits YOU will recognize those [men].

    Jesus was talking to Jews. By what fruits would they recognize a false prophet? In context, it is clear that the fruits Jesus was talking about is the results of their prophecy. That is how Jews figured out who false prophets were. Jesus warned against this Organization.

    For what it is worth, it is a simple line of reasoning and maybe your dad can get it. Especially if he already believes they got dates wrong.

    AuldSoul

  • Cordelia
    Cordelia

    thanks auld soul i have already said that tho that they must be false phrophets and he just printed out a wt of franz saying about 1975 'itcould be etc' not that they defo said 1975, he also said the wt admit their faults they are just so eager for jahs day!

    as for them being false phrophets he says they never claim to be inspired so obviously they will get things wrong and that even jesus apostles got things mixed up,

    about 607 he said well evryone is certain on 537 and its 70 years since then! but i told him i think it was talking about another 70 years, anyone put me straight on that?

    im so sorry for anyone going thru simliar to what i am it is an evil society, i dont know why when getting dfed i didnt just leave it all behind like most people do,, why oh why did i just put my head down and go straight back tothe meetings??

  • AuldSoul
    AuldSoul

    I know, (((Cordelia))). I know.

    They ignore the fact that Deuteronomy doesn't say they have to make any claim other than the claim that they speak for Jehovah. They don't have to claim inspiration, they just have to speak a word about a future event in the name of Jehovah. Prior to and after 1925 they said that the Bible Chronology for 1925 was "even more certain" than the Chronology for 1914. But what they said would happen in 1925 didn't happen. They spoke in Jehovah's name a word that did not come true. False prophets don't become true prophets.

    And they did that after Christ supposedly chose them. If your dad doesn't want to see what they did and what they are, he won't see it.

    AuldSoul

  • Pubsinger
    Pubsinger


    Cordelia.

    Googlemagoogle was the first person to reply to this thread.

    He's (She's?) right. Your Dad has the choice to make.

    Your Dad needs to know that YOU will always be there for HIM.

    Agree never to talk about JW's again and be honest. Don't bother trying to prove WT wrong. They don't want to know and it makes you appear a threat

    Play the same game and say that they are welcome to visit you anytime to see their grandchild.

    Never let them see their grandchild without you being present. Take control. Make them make the decisions. If anyone is forced to do something that they don't want to LET IT BE THEM

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