first post...nervous

passwordprotected

I'm understandably nervous about this first post, I've put it in the private member's section for that reason.

I'm 3rd (or 4th, can't quite work it out) gen. JW, with all the credentials you'd expect;

- pioneered after leaving school
- appointed young-ish as MS
- married young
- brief sabbatical due to lethargy, resulting in removal as MS
- renewed vigour resulting in reappointment as MS
- rocky period of prolonged doubt re WTS (no 'apostate' influence, I should add, just stuff that I never understood)
- teeter on the edge for a while
- decide, once again to make a go of it
- progress to appointment as an elder

But now I'm back on the edge. No one thing or issue has put me there. I'm not embittered about anything in particular. I'm well liked, I believe, in the cong, I have nice privileges, I'm referred to as a 'great public speaker', I'm not on the margins and I've managed to reach out to disenfranchised bros as they see me as 'one of the good guys'. And while I didn't go to college and 'get an education' and was stuck in a dead-end job for years, I've now got a great job that pays well and has a future, so I don't have that whole bitterness eating away at me (you know, 'they didn't let me get an education and now I clean toilets for a living').

Thing is, while I'm very much a humanitarian at heart, the WTS 'truth' isn't in my heart. I love God and Jesus. I love the Bible. And for years I've been nagged with the WTS notions/rules of no independent thinking/research. I mean, one of the latest KMs (either June or July) makes the statement that we should be ready to obey the FDS. That's taking it too far, IMO.

Over the past 18 months or so have made me have serious doubts, and it's these doubts that have brought me back to the edge. Firstly, the whole thing about the anointed being in heaven already when there's no proof in scripture, that's one. Then there's the Revelation book; I can't be alone in wondering why on earth I didn't spot the glaring nonsense it teaches one of the previous times we studied it. But the culmination has probably been the recent letter from the GB re. the BSG arrangement being binned. Like so many others I was glad to see the number of mid-week meetings being reduced. But when I really thought about the letter and the reasons stated in it I realised something was very wrong. Gas prices?! Didn't Heb 10 state that we shouldn't neglect the gathering of ourselves together, all the more so...blah blah blah? And when you mention this to the R&F the stock answer is, 'well that can't be the real reason'. So, what you're saying is the GB are lying to us?!

I've been able to speak to my wife about how I feel, gently at first. But when she didn't freak out or over-react I was able to talk to her a bit more. The weekend just passed was a bit fraught for us both, but we've come to a decision that it's got to be all about the Bible. Read the Bible. Remove the FDS filter. Just read the Bible. She suggested it. She's been doing it and she says she's enjoying 'the truth' for the first time in a long time.

The problem I have, though, is that as an elder more is expected of me. I've to adhere to the policy, the rules, the regulations. I can't just strip all of that away, rely solely on the Bible and still serve as an elder. But coming off as an elder raises all sorts of red flags. Remember, I'm 'doing well', I'm not on the fringes. A sudden stepping down would bring trouble to my door, I'm sure.

I've told my wife that the next 6 or 7 months are going to be crucial. I've told her big changes in the organisation are ahead of us and that I'll base my decision on what to do about 'the truth' (stay or go) on what those changes bring. I've also told her that if I'm expected to go to an elder training school for a week I'll resign my position.

She doesn't know I've been lurking here, but she has spotted a 'tame' site in my browser history (but she didn't make a massive deal of it). I think she's got as many doubts as I have, but she's fearful of what will happen to the live we currently have - and in many ways enjoy - with our children and 'the truth'. I'm a bit fearful too.

Anyway, I'm not sure what I expect to hear in reply, but it's been nice to write this down.

babygirl75

Welcome Password protected....

I'm sure you are nervous; but don't be. You will find a lot of encouragment here.

The first step is to do your own studying and independant thinking and find the truth about the "truth". You then have to make the best decision for you and your family. There will be a lot of changes when you leave. It won't be easy at first. Over time, it does get easier and the end result is that you & your family will be happy!

Keep us posted!!

Babygirl...

Farkel

It sounds to me like you have your head squarely planted on your shoulders and you are very rational about your whole dilemma.

That being said, I'm sure you will make the appropriate decisions when necessary.

True freedom will only come when you take back authority over your own life, the authority that you have given over to your religious masters. There are many like myself who had positions of authority but did the slow fade and got out without a blood bath. If you want that and can make that work, it is the best way to regain freedom of your soul and conscience.

Good luck! (oooops! I'm not supposed to say that: Demons!!)

Farkel

Velvetann

Welcome Passwordprotected!!!

You have come to the right place. There are so many here in somewhat the same situation as you are. If you need support and understanding you will get it here.

My heart goes out to you because I know you are in a difficult situation right now and your heart wants to do the right thing.

Have you read Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz???

Velvetann

BFD

Welcome, PWP!

Don't be nervous. We don't bite. Well most of the time anyway.

BFD

sweet pea

Welcome PP. You're amongst friends here.

It's scary facing the unknown but the price of freedom is worth it.

Post away, there's nothing to be nervous of here.

Sam

snowbird

Welcome. I was nervous when I made my first post, too.

So many are here for the same reasons you listed.

I agree with your wife on Bible reading alone. This is what helped me to see that the WT is wrong on so many issues.

I can't and won't advise you on what to do about your situation, but I have full faith that the Lord Jesus is not affiliated with such a devious organization.

You're in good company here; others have traveled the same road. I hope your journey will be a pleasant one.

Sylvia

AK - Jeff

Welcome. Just 4 little words to ruminate.

"Be True to Yourselves"

Look forward to hearing more. The road ahead will make it impossible to ever look at 'truth' in the same way. Your life is about to change. You will be scared to death for awhile. Then tentative. Then forthright as you lay hold to reality outside the blinders.

The journey is all that and more. But worth every step.

Jeff

Quirky1

Welcome PWP, It is always nervous entering your first post.

Do your own research and take it easy. This is a big step.

There is a lot of good advice and support here.

Quirky

sacolton

Welcome, PWP!

I'm glad you are thinking on your own ... and your wife too! That's almost unheard of! I pray that the Holy Spirit teaches you both the real TRUTH. Life is wonderful when you're not being followers of men. I hope you'll stick around and keep us informed on your progress!

Congratulations!

first post...nervous

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