does honesty need to be harsh?

Ravyn

in light of recent threads, does honesty preclude kindness? Does it have to be harsh and raw?

I consider myself a brutally honest person, however I am capable of being honest without knocking the knees out from under someone, until they leave me no other choice--in which case I certainly am not afraid of doing that either. But it is not my first approach. So what do you think? Can we be honest and still be nice(and I am not talking about politically correct--just kind)?

For me when I finally found out the truth about the 'truth' it hurt. and honesty was painful. but I still did not purposely hurt other's feelings just because I was hurting. I am just not like that. But I do realize that some people wear their hearts on their sleeve and it is impossible not to hurt them(my husband is like that--he takes everything personally and I end up yelling at him in arguments that if I wanted to say something to hurt him I will let him know! oh god he can be so passive aggressive! but that's another thread....) However I would never purposely hurt someone who showed a vulnerability or weakness, I consider that dishonorable and cruel.

I don't want this thread to turn into a personal attack on anyone, please don't hijack it for that. But I have been thinking about this alot this week...can we be honest and still be considerate of others' feelings?

Ravyn

Brummie

but I still did not purposely hurt other's feelings just because I was hurting.

Same here, infact if you are hurting surely you try your best not to inflict that upon others, its not a nice feeling huh!

I do think we can be honest without hurting someone, however brutal honesty can be rewarding to those who only respond to that sort of honesty.

Shall we go back in the wardrobe now?

Brummie

Xandria

Honesty is good or you can be circling a subject for ever..but you don't want to hurt someone to the point they are bitter or harbor resentment.

Honesty has be be balanced with communication of feelings and thoughts. Both must go in with an open mind.

X

Ravyn

oooo Brummie...so you are a lion now?

(that was a Lion, Witch and Wardrobe reference wasn't it?)

such soft silky fur....covering such virile muscles.....but did you know that cats who roar can't purr?

ok I won't hijack my own thread...back to business!

Ravyn--so easily led by putties.........

Brummie

so you are a lion now?

I'm whatever you want me to be sweetie..lol

I'm not gonna hijack your thread though

Brummie

freedom96

I think one can be honest, and yet not harsh.

I think books such as "How to Win Friends and Influence People" is a must read for those who even care about how they are perceived to everyone else.

OrbitingTheSun

The flavor of honesty is dependent upon the person it is being fed to.

AlanF

: The flavor of honesty is dependent upon the person it is being fed to.

Good point, Orbiting.

Some people who are diagnosed with a fatal disease want complete honesty about their condition. Others might prefer being left in the dark, and would claim that honesty about their condition is "harsh".

The same thing applies to dealing with JWs and other cultists.

AlanF

onacruse

Alan, you and I have a different perspective on this.

For example, I have cancer. My doctor walks into the room with charts in hand, looks at me with cold eyes and says: "You have cancer, and you're going to be dead in 3 months."

Or, my doctor walks into the room, puts down those charts, puts his hand on my back, and I see a tear in his eye as he says: "Craig, I can't tell you how sad it makes me to have to tell you this, but you have cancer, and you're going to be dead in 3 months."

Now, either way, I'M GONNA DIE. But how I'm told that makes a huge difference in how I take the bad news, as well as how I act on that bad news. In the first case, I might very well walk out and figure "There's no hope, I might just as well go kill myself now." otoh, where the doctor showed such personal concern, I might very well have hope and ask "Is there anything else I can do? Alternative therapies? Is there a support group I can go to to help me through these last days of my life?"

My analogy is not without its flaws, but perhaps my point is clear: Even in hopeless cases, harshness and insensitivity are never warranted.

Quite frankly, the harshness and insensitivity I'd seen on H20 turned me away from the very therapy I needed most. Not to blame anyone on H20, because it was my choice to walk away. But, as the saying goes "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."

Craig

Prisca

Cult de-programmers that I have spoken with have said that harshness and insults do nothing to wake a person up out of the mind-set they are stuck in. It takes much compassion and kind speech, in order to help a person to think for themself.

In fact, harshness can only cause a person to put the shutters up, and block out anything that is negative to what they believe.

For example, when we went to the doors, did we tell people outright "If you don't listen to us, you are going to die at Armageddon"? Did anyone??? No, we told them things we thought they would want to hear, leaving the heavy stuff until they were ready for it.

Same with discussion on the internet. If we are trying to change someone's opinion, then harshness is only going to cause friction and hurt feelings. It is far more effective to put ourselves in their shoes, be empathetic, and endeavour to reason with people.

does honesty need to be harsh?

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