by Englishman 41 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse
I am sorry for I do not know what happened to the post above. Please forgive me all whose post mine my have affected adversly.
I do not know why the format is so messed up. I tried to fix it several times and then I broke the page.
Edited by - cassiline on 7 January 2003 13:15:21
Exactly Kim, I've contacted my local congressperson at the state level, and she admitted I brought up some good points, about abuse being with someone the rest of they're lives, then why shouldn't someone that commits this crime, spend the rest of they're lives in prison.
Lady Lee's comments perhaps best express the dichotomy between repressed memories and buried feelings. To all those who fear becoming close to a "victim" or look askance at someone whose previously "normal" childhood gets turned upside down with abuse allegations, I can only say there is a big difference between a dysfunctional, abusive or incestuous family and a non-abusive family. We're not talking about a parent who loses their temper once in a while or a child who has trouble with toilet training.
I'm not a professional therapist, or psychologist, but tt seems to me that there is usually one child in a dysfunctional family that the family heaps all its pain on to. It's as if this child is the best and brightest of the family and carries its hopes for improvement. Irionically (or perhaps not) this is the child that will have the strength to break away. This is the child that will talk about the dirty little secret. This is the child that cannot stay a mind-numbing robot of Jehovah's Witnesses. This is the grown child that seeks out (consciously or not) a career path, or others that can help them deal with the pain. This could very well be the person Lady Lee is speaking of, one who begins to have memories and feelings when they begin working around "victims".
Well, hey there, Cassi!
I emailed you..............but I certainly hope it didn't add to your cussin' out? It wasn't meant as such. I thought your entire post on that thread was brilliant! And so did some others too. Obviously, we weren't the ones who emailed you? Well, at least, they kept it private, eh?
In fact, it was somewhat ballsy of you to post your post
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This is a great thread, even though it's difficult. Thank you Eman. We are a sorry lot sometimes. Lady Lee made a good point..............when one victim/survivor is called a liar - politely or rudely - others of us who read the thread are keen to think "well, if she/he's not believed - wonder what they think of me?" lol.....we wonder what to think of ourselves too. And we're not to sure either, btw.
On one level, many of us are quite self-assured of ourselves. We have built strong, sometimes impregnable boundries. Why? Because on another level, depending on how far we've come, we can be riddled with shame, self-doubt, self-hatred, insecurities, etc.
On this thread, I don't think any of us are asking or expecting anyone to overlook our behaviors because we're victims/survivors. That's not fair of us. Much like playing the gender/race card. But we do act odd sometimes - and sometimes we're insightful enough to exit before our oddities become apparent to others. Sometimes we're not fast enough.
In fact, all humans are odd to one another in some respect. We just happen to have another oddity dumped on us.
"You're just jealous of me because the tiny voices talk to me." (a pin someone gave me)
waiting
((((((((((((((((((((Big Tex))))))))))))))))))))))))
Ironically, your post reminded me of something my therapist said (paraphrasing): "Sometimes, a child is subconsciously chosen to carry the memories - through family pictures, momentos, passed-down family heirlooms. The parent knows the child will take care of them. The child, even as an adult understands & takes the burden/joy - subconsciously, they understand that's their job."
Along with other jobs.
waiting
This is Tex. I'm using my wife's account since I've just hit the posting limit. (aarrrgghhh)
I was just typing out a response to your post when I found out I hit the ceiling. I've read many of your posts and you echo my thoughts so many times. Example?
We have built strong, sometimes impregnable boundries. Why? Because on another level, depending on how far we've come, we can be riddled with shame, self-doubt, self-hatred, insecurities, etc.
As E-man would say, this is spot on. No one can hurt me in a frontal assault, yet a word here, a situation there and I turn to jello. I think it's the lasting curse of our families. It's simple (not easy, but simple) to overcome the evil of abuse, since it's right there in front of you. But it's much more difficult to overcome the niggling little doubts and insecurities it leaves behind.
Your response made me think of something my therapist told me, which is oftentimes the abusive parent is an emotional child and the real child ends up parenting, or taking care, of the father/mother. The child of abuse is forced to grow up quickly since the parents are so wheels off the family would disintegrate unless someone steps up. And that is one of the children.
Along with other jobs.
Forgive me if I'm intruding, but are you referring to something specific? I don't want to uncover you, but that made my ears prick up. You are correct that there are quite a lot of care-taking going on, both emotionally and physically.
I'm sorry for what you went through. You seem like such a kind and gentle soul. I am truly sad you had to see that side of life, and of God. It's cold and harsh. You deserved better.
Peace,
Chris
I have been sitting here biting my nails reading this thread.
I will share with you something that happened to me when I was "new" here.
I found out there were some people on the board that were close to my area. So, we decided to meet. We met at a bar and due to nerves I hadn't eaten all day. We sat and talked for a while and then went to eat, I didn't eat much and was still drinking. Then we decided to go to someone's house to contiue the association. I rode with someone to the house (loss of control). I felt I was amoung friends and on the way there, I had a flashback.......................................
<flashback> I was 16 and was going to a motel party with "friends". I was picked up and taken to the "party". It was me and 3 guys in the car. I had known them for a while and thought nothing of it. We showed up at the motel and noone was there so I asked where everyone was. They told me we were the ones that were supposed to get things set up. I again thought nothing of it. Long story short, I was gang raped.
<back to present> I was the only female in this group and was riding in someone elses car so had no control of when I could leave. I freaked out!!!!!!!!!! I hid in a bush near the house and they were walking all around me calling my name trying to find me. My heart was racing and I kept thinking I was being hunted. I was quite embarressed the next day and tried to explain why I reacted that way.
So, the "panic attack" issue is a very real one. They did nothing to make me feel I was in danger, but my past triggered this reaction in me.
People who haven't been sexually abused or raped can't totally understand what it is like (that is something I would never want someone to understand).
The best thing to do is not to minimize what happened."Is that all that happened?? I know of someone who went through.........." "Are you sure?" "Did you do anything to make them think you wanted it?" "Why didn't you say no?" etc.
A place where people feel safe to talk about it and can find others who understand is healing. I too find healing in helping others and listening to them.
The BIGGEST THING...........Is to be believed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think Andi had some really good points too, and so do Waiting and Big Tex, and Lady Lee.
My dear Chris - and I mean that.
Thank you. I was telling my husband at lunch today about this thread, and specifically, your post. Just kinda rang home to me. I'm sorry that you had to experience first hand knowledge of how abuse - and a really dysfunctional family - works.
I think many families have a "pecking order" - and the kids know what it is. We know who's the favorite, but sometimes not *why*. Afterall, we were just kids. I was the middle child - and the keeper of pictures, momentos, family memories, etc. Always was my job.
I had taken some old family pictures into my therapist, & she asked where I got them. I said I had all the family photos....and she asked why, as the *middle child*, did I have *all* the family photos? I told her that when my mom moved across country, she gave them to me for keeping, saying "I know you'll take care of them."
My therapist almost choked on the Dorrito she was eating saying "I'll bet she DID!" I had my typical "whaaaaaaaaaa?" look on my face. My job was to keep my dad *okay.* He was moody at best, a beast when he was down. I was his favorite, always was. It was my job.
I remember (if memory serves me well) a private occasion when my mom bucked my dad when he was in one of his beast moods. He beat her, but where no casual observer would see the bruises. After he left, I sat on the floor and held her head in my lap while she cried. I felt so sorry for her, she just didn't know the rule - do what dad wants. I pretty much had learned the rule of my job. Afterall, I was 12 by then. My father was brutally incestuous with my little brother and me. My mother knew, she just didn't want to actively participate, either drunk or sober.
You seem like such a kind and gentle soul. - Chris aka Big Tex aka cruzanheart
Ha! Sure can tell you don't know ME! I've been called many a thing in the couple years hanging out on the net..............but never that - for some foul reason or 'nother. But thank you heartily - I AM printing your post out to paper before you can delete it when your reasoning power is restored!
In fact - I just might make your quote my signature line.....just to irritate the hell out of *some* people
appreciative waiting
(((((((((((((((((((((((Jessica!)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm sooooo sorry, sweetie. I bite my fingernails too. - and have panic attacks.
So glad you survived, and are brave enough to speak about the panic. It's real. Horribly real.
You take care, little one.
waiting
((((((((Jesika))))))))
No one's experience should be minimized, we all react differently, it's terrible period, no one should have to go through that.
