Let The Lambs Tell Us What They Need.

Englishman

This isn't about the running of silentlambs.org. This is about the people themselves who have been abused. This is from someone who has never suffered from abuse, who is trying to understand the needs of those who have.

How can those who have not been abused help those of us here who have, and what can we do that would be really useful to those persons?

Does it help to talk about it?

Does it help to name and shame the abuser?

And anything else that we ought to know?

What don't the non-abused know, that you consider to be essential?

Jst2laws, Cassi, Sentinel and many others too numerous to mention have expressed concern that we are being diverted from the real issues, when we concentrate overmuch on the political implications of the running of silentlambs.org.

Hopefully, we can leave that subject out of the discussion if this thread takes off, and concentrate solely on the welfare of those who have been abused.

Englishman.

DannyBear

Englishman,

In the truest sense of the word we address the needs of the abused every day here. Sexual abuse acted upon children is vile, as is sexual abuse against adults, but the abuse meted out by the WTBS on its 'silent sheep' is just as pervasive, if not more endemic than pedophilia.

The wrenching apart of families, depression, suicides, economic debilitation, resultant from adherence to jw dogma, is imo the worst form of abuse.

Who of us even 20, 30, or more years out, do not suffer to this day, the personality flaws, deeply imbeded thought paterns, planted by this incidious religion? Sure some suffered more than other's, but we all are and will remain in some sort of truamatic shock from our association with the 'Truth'.

Iam starting to feel much like I do about 'special interests' in the world of politics. Child abuse is just that, one of many very serious issues to be addressed. Those who devote almost thier entire energy to a 'special interest' can and do become very intolerant, of those not in 'lock step' to thier way of thinking.

Each individual on this forum should decide just how much energy, how much effort he/she will devote to any one of the number of serious issues involved in healing from Watchtower tyranny.

No more no less, and no one should pass judgement or condemnation for exercising that free will.

Danny

Englishman

Well said, Danny, I agree with pretty much everything that you say.

My concern over sexually abused lambs is that many of us here would really like to support these people. Unfortunately, I do not have much idea what a non-abused person can do to assist someone who may have carried this trauma around for years. I once asked a pal of mine who was having difficulty with his teenage daughter if I could help, he retorted "Just stop reminding me, I'm trying to forget about it".

I'm just looking for a bit of guidance in this matter, that's all.

Regards,

Englishman.

DannyBear

Englishman,

I did see where you were coming from. I made my comments based solely on the recent debacle involving SL.

Ever since this issue hit the news, it has served to fan the flames of unrest and literaly devasted friendships, aquaintances right here on this board. There has been little tolerance or willingness to accept differing opinion's on this subject matter, from both sides of the fence. Even those trying to take a middle ground have been subjected to ridicule and spite, some people here shunning one another since day one.

It has developed into another religion for some. No quarter given, not even the slightest indicator, that perhaps we should have listened to those who first critiqued our methods. Someone recently lauded BB for being 'ballsy' about the affair........'ballsy' is not synonimus with courage or wisdom, any backstreet rufian can display 'balls', it is the wise, insightful generals who usually win the wars.

So exuse me for using your request of advice, as a platform for what I wanted to say.

Danny

Billygoat

IMO one of the worst things to do is to "forget about it". I think a person that takes that type of stance is not dealing with the issue, which in turn means healing cannot take place.

On that note, healing happens at a different pace and in different ways for every victim. Forcing a person to deal with memories of childhood sexual (or any other type of) abuse before their mentally/emotionally able to handle it, may not be the best way. But ignoring/forgetting that the abuse happened is just as harmful. As a victim of abuse myself, these are just a few of my thoughts...just off the top of my head.

1. Love me. Don't judge - love me. And let me know you love me. In voice, letters, post-it-notes, actions. Remind me that no matter what someone else has done to me, that you love me. Remind me that no matter what I may have done (not necessarily abuse related!), that you love me. Hug me. Have fun with me. Remind how much in life is truly good. Including our friendship.

2. Be gentle. I can only handle so many of my memories and emotions from my childhood, so quickly. It happened years ago. And I've suffered from my own destructive thoughts, guilt, and shame in the meantime. The layers of hurt that my heart has accumulated in those decades will not peel away quickly. Be gentle, kind, and encourage me to be courageous in facing that pain. Help me realize I can get through it with your help and others helping. But being rude, insensitive, and in a rush to fix me will do nothing but close my mind and heart to any future attempts you may make.

3. Take my cues as to the timing of my healing process. Just because the abuse was in my childhood and I cannot change history don't tell me to "get over it". Even if you are an abuse victim yourself and have healed from it, my experience is not an exact replica of yours. I am not you. Abuse is not abuse is not abuse. Each situation is as unique as each individual is. I must deal with my healing in my time. Yes, I may need a gentle push or two to find the courage from within to deal with the emotions and memories, but if I feel secure in our relationship I will realize I have a safe haven to fall back on when things get really tough. (See #1) This may also mean, being patient. Again, it has taken years to get to this point in my life. It may mean taking years to get to a healthy stage again.

4. Last but certainly not least, pray for me. I find a huge strength in prayer. You may not have the same belief system as me, but pray for me. Even if you don't believe anyone is hearing you, I believe there is someone listening. And I take great comfort in knowing you are willing to pray to my god on my behalf, even if you don't believe he's there. Pray for my healing, pray for the right words of comfort and encouragement, pray for patience and humility of all parties involved. Be specific in your prayers. Again, every situation calls for a different prayer.

I know that other victims may have different points to share. But these are some of the things that came to mind for me. I hope that someday I can help other victims with their healing. Kind of that "pay it forward" mentality.

Thanks for listening.

Andi

Englishman

Danny Bear,

Spot on there Matey, I also reckon it is high time that we listened to the Lambs themselves.

The thing is, I know that amost ex's have suffered similar abuse to each other, what with shunning and all, and are therefore able to relate to each others pain quite readily.

Sexual abuse is different though, there's not such a high percentage of us gone through that, so we find it difficult to be empathetic instead of sympathetic.

Regards,

Englishman.

Englishman

Andi,

Just seen your post, oh wow, thank you.

Regards,

Englishman.

DannyBear

Andi,

That was beautiful!

I think your response was exactly what Englishman was looking for. Everything you said is applicable to any type of 'abuse' survivor.

Danny

Englishman

Danny Bear,

Andi's post was amazing, it was exactly what I needed to know.

Englishman

whyhideit

Englishman

From what I have seen and read, I have noticed that the lambs are dealing with a great deal of assumption. In that people are speaking on their behalf and not asking enough questions of them personally to do so. What I am concerned with, is when will the cause take the turn of making people look silly and not serious. After all, the matter being addressed is of utmost importance, but some of the issues being addressed in letters from silentlambs and others are just plain silly in nature. I printed out a recent one and read it, and to be honest I can not find merit in the disfellowshipping of the governing body as a point of curing the abuse problem. Especially since most people would see such a request as not possible. I think the pursuit to progress should be strictly in the courts and legislative. That seems to be where you would be taken most serious in your cause. The pursuit to helping, should be addressed in professional counciling.

Let The Lambs Tell Us What They Need.

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