Raising kids - JW mother, agnostic father (page 7)

Zana

Fraz,

You will always be the enemy in all of this - any compromises you make will not change this - she will just see this as a sign of weakness. Also much better to start tough and relax at the edges later than to start by making compromises and then try to tighten up once you realise you have lost control.

I can see the logic here, but the thing is, right now I am not the enemy, not for her and not for her congregation. They (the cong) probably still hope I will become a JW one day. And for example they are happy, I take care of the kids every once in a while, so my wife can go door-to-door. And for my wife I am not the enemy because we understand we both want what is best for our kids. And she is kind of open to the idea that the WTBS truth is not the one and only way to educate children. So she actually listens (and complies) when for example I talk about avoiding fear-inducing bible stories. And she doesn't side with the WTBS. Which I am afraid she would do more often than not, if I "start tough" now.

pbrow

zana

It sounds like you have a pretty good handle on it. I am of the opinion that you cant completely shield your kids from harm. I have said it to my wife and I think on this forum... My goal is to have strong, independent critical thinking young adults. That is the end goal. Some may not agree but add a little jehovah's witness in their life and they can be one of your strongest allies in accomplishing that end goal. It does not take long in the normal world for a kid to realize "something" is wrong. When I was growing up in the bubble, like many here, I didn't have the resource of a strong parent to help me figure out the "something" Help them decipher what that "something" is.

I am happy to hear things are going well!

pbrow

SonoftheTrinity

I wish I were more than just a stepdad so I could protect them from being indoctrinated. Their attitude towards higher education is what bothers me the most.

Frazzled UBM

SonoftheTrinity - maybe the best thing you can do is be a model of a 'good' worldly person and hopefully be someone they will confide in outside the 'Truth'. I agree the attitude to higher education sucks big time. Recognising their talents and gently encouraging them to realise their potentials could help counter this. Good luck

nonjwspouse

marked

Ughhhhh

Just saw this post and wish I saw it long ago. My wife is a true believer and I have no use for it. I don't believe there is a liberal jw. You are in or you are not. My belief is that it has destroyed our marriage. The fights about the kids doing normal activities or going to meetings created too much conflict. My hope is one day she will wake up and see that it is nonsense but it seems to be a one in a million shot. Unfortunately when she was prostelyzed 15 years ago I was ignorant of the wt ways and stupid and naive. It was never for me as I never was a religious person and probably never will be. The pioneers are sneaky crafty bunch who really have no conscience about what they could do to a family. My opinion is that very few families can withstand the stress of a divided family in terms of jw/any other religion. The jw's are too invested in their brainwashing. It is disgusting that religion comes first and family is second. Zana I know this post is a couple years old but I hope things are going well for you. Unfortunately this has not been my experience. My advice to anybody who's spouse receives a visit from a jw while you are at work providing for your family is to do everything in your power to nip it in the bud. It might cause a small conflict because you will hear how they are "so nice". But believe me when I say it will save a lot of suffering. Thanks for letting me vent.

Crazyguy

I feel your pain ughhhh, I woke up to the cult a couple of years ago and now my wife and I don't talk about much at all anymore. The few times I tried to talk to her about cult stuff she just goes cult defence mode and runs out of the room. The congregation also stepped up to help with the indoctrination of the kids. My problem is dealing with my own feelings and also learning that not only is it a cult but becoming an agnostic. Trying to figure out what to say and teach your kids all the while not getting dfd so your completely out of the picture is not easy.

The religion and the ones in the congregation do what they can to marginalize you so what you say or do is not taken seriously by your kids. The other problem is this is the kids social life, and they have friends their they like. A non believers is really fighting a up hill battle, and I have noticed that when i talk to my oldest son he shuts down mentally a bit. He doesn't want to hear it just want to go along and be part of the group.

I think one of the best things one can do is get your kids doing activities away from the Borg. I have even regretted leaving,thinking that maybe staying in I could be a better shield. I often think that trying to get my kids to become agnostic and living their lives to the fullest maybe to much of a reach. To be a believer and a better more loving Christian may be the only realistic option when they have a devote delusional JW mother.

Ughhhhh

Hi crazyguy

Thank you for reading my post and responding. My older son also does shut down when ever I mention that it is not mandatory that he attends a meeting. the last he would do would make waves or cause conflict.The relationship between my wife and I is non existent. We live in the same house but that is it. We both are there for the kids but our views are so different it is doubtful it will ever get better. I have always been amazed that some of the most religious people can be also the meanest. There are also depression issues. The question I think about often is: do jw's attract depressed people or does the Jw experience create depressed people? My wife was always on the emotional spectrum but now depressed being a jw it is a bit much too bear. My kids seem to be happy and well adjusted though. Sorry about the rambling

ughhhh

Raising kids - JW mother, agnostic father

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