Raising kids - JW mother, agnostic father

by Zana 67 Replies latest social family

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  Zana

  So many answers in a few hours, thank you!

  I would advise you, while your kids are so young to learn as much as you can about the doctrines your wife is learning at the KH, and as much as you can about the history of the WT and Jehovah's witnesses.

  I do that. In fact one of my friends keeps asking me regularly: "Have you been baptized yet?" No plans to do that of course, but one reason I go to KH meetings with my wife is "to keep the enemies closer". Me knowing about some of the people and the stuff that goes on there also encourages my wife to talk to me about it. I don't want this part of her life being something I am completly shut out of. For example I want her to freely tell me when someone is pressuring her in any kind.

  Imagine the possiblity of a future where your child has become a baptized jw and is very active.

  Right now I see this as highly unlikely. But reading your cult description, cultBgone, taking even a 1% chance seems irresponsible.

  I do not think it is wise for you to attend the KH with your kids. This sends them the message that you approve of what is said there. You need to make your reservatiuons known to your wfie and your kids.

  Good point. I haven't thought about this aspect of me attending.

  Coersion runs deep in this organization. At the same time, you must approach gently in order not to disturb her peace. A frightened cultist digs in deep.

  Fortunately some kind of independant thinking runs deep in my wife, too. And her main motivator in life is love, not fear. Sometimes I wonder why she fell for them in the first place. ... Hm ... actually I think I am going to ask her that tonight.
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  ABibleStudent

  Hi Zana, DITTO what other posters wrote about not raising your children in the WTBTS. Is your wife a born-in or recruited into the WTBTS?

  To minimize triggering your wife's cult persona's persecution phobias, encourage your children to ask questions, critically think for themselves, to make non-JW friends, to arrange sleep-overs with non-JW children, who you share similar interests with their parents, and to play in sports.

  If you do not know how powerful the WTBTS's BITE control techniques are, please research information by cult-exit counselors like Steve Hassan's books (i.e., "Combatting Cult Mind Control", "Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves, and (his latest book) "Freedom of Mind; Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults and Beliefs"), visiting his website www.freedomofmind.com, and watching his FREE videos on his website.

  The more knowledgeable you are about the WTBTS: the more likely that you will make more informed decisions about raising your children. Visiting www.jwfacts.com would be a good start to educate yourself about the WTBTS's doctrines, flip-flopping doctrines, and its history. The WTBTS is not a religion as much as it is a printing, print distribution, and real estate holding corporation that victimizes JWs with BITE control techniques. It is not a Christian religion, because its doctrines ignor/spin many of the teachings and examples of Jesus Christ for its self-serving interest.

  Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

  Robert
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  Stumbeline

  Hi zana- I was actually raised in a similar situation. As a disclaimer, I can't give advice because I have no children and have yet to see where I end up, but this is how my family turned out as an example I guess.

  My mom is a divout JW and my dad was an atheist. I have a brother and a sister. My sister and I were baptized, and my brother never was. My mom was pretty insistant about our meeting attendence which my dad wasn't a big fan of on school nights, so there was a bit of tension there. I talked a lot with my dad about how God made the universe, and he would talk to me about the Big Bang (he was also an earth science teacher so I totally got lectured). But I think this is a unique opportunity that can work in your favor...I think that when children are striclty raised as witnesses, they are very sheltered and shut out from other possibilities of how the world works. Not what you would call a "well rounded" individual. I was recently DF'ed and though my mom made sure I was predominantly raised a witness, I'm kind of glad that my fathers influence was there or I would be even more of a mess than I am now. For instance, he let me have "worldly" friends, friends that I talk to even now when I can't talk to my witness ones. I'm also very passionate about science and research-beyond the publications of the WTS. I have the ability to think!

  In the end it is their choice. The nice thing is that your wife is "liberal" so although she might want your children to be witnesses one day, she doesn't seem like she would pressure them which is how it should be. Of course, the cong will likely be all over them, but if they know their options, they will be able to think critically and decide what is right outside of te pressure.
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  never a jw

  I am in the same exact situation. Regrets: freely allowing my children (14 and 18) to be raised in such a controlling cult. If you let it happen, the governing body is going to be more influential and exert greater control over your children than yourself. My daughter is baptized and there's nothing that I regret more than that. You started early. Good for you. Don't waste any minute. Get their minds out of the controlling clutches of the governing body. Feel free to send me a personal message. I can tell you my experience with my wife and kids so you can learn to avoid big headaches in the future.
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  zebagain

  Zana;

  Give your wife a big bunch of flowers and a hug from me.
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  Gypsy Sam

  Ooh, this was my situation. A regular pioneer out of high school, married outside "the truth". I became a liberal JW a few years ago, knowing I wanted my daughter to attend college etc. While I'm now awake to TTATT and faded last year, my now exhusband is an atheist. When I told him I was leaving JW, he was so happy. I also told him how I could have woken up much sooner if he'd handled things differently. He never read Steve Hassan's book and would basically trigger my "cult self" every time we spoke of religion. He continues to lose his temper when people don't agree with him.

  I agree with the posters who mentioned you can't be passive. The JW parent will impose their way and only be liberal so long. When their child isn't hitting the same JW milestones as others, they'll likely become more absorbed in the religion, to set a better example for the "wayward" child. The love a JW parent feels for their child is conditional. Sometimes, the parent will stick by the child no matter what happens, but I know way too many instances where the relationship is very strained if the child doesn't follow JW "rules".

  Tread lighlty and read Hassan.
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  vanyell

  I guess for now, wife is a "liberal" JW. Eldest kid watches cartoon network, plays "violent" games on ipad. Will be watching Spiderman 2 together tomorrow. Basically just let wife do whatever she wants for WTBT. Already told her NOT to have the kid baptized or join her on their house calls. Sigh... right now just waiting until I have enough funds to end the relationship and go our separate ways.
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  Zana

  When their child isn't hitting the same JW milestones as others ...

  Milestones? Care to elaborate?
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  losingit

  Whoa vanyell! Have you let your wife in on your plans to bounce once you have enough $$$ saved? Are you going to give her a fighting chance to start fresh after separation?
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  jgnat

  Childhood milestones:

  • First comment at the meeting
  • First public talk
  • Dress-up in meeting clothes, first briefcase
  • First field service
  • Baptism