Raising kids - JW mother, agnostic father (page 6)

villagegirl

And of course my wife would love to see them becoming JWs one day.

Really ? She would love them to become JWs ? Think about this.

When push comes to shove she will tighten up and the reveal her real motives.

Which are: she wants you to be a JW also, or at least appear to be.

Her present actions, if actually known to elders

would qualify her to be disfellowshipped

and if the elders get their hands ( literally and symbolically, on your children )

they will indoctrinate a shame based fear of "the governing body" and work

hard to recruit your children into the service of the "faithful and discreet slave"

and "the organization". Make no mistake.

This is as dangerous as letting your children hang out with the Taliban.

There is no middle road. Would you let them hang

out with suicide bombers ? Moderate ones of course.?

This is not a nice religion. It is a control or destroy, cult.

It teaches shunning of family members, worship of an organization and

fear of higher education. Is this the philosophy your want drummed into

the dear litte ears of your children ?????

Please heed the words of: Heaven, CultbonB, Lisa Rose,

If you think you have a "handle" on this your deluding yourself.

Phrow, you make it seem very simple and easy. Unfortunately it isn't. I was succesful with all my kids till now and 90% of the things you said I also did.
I stepped on my toes when I had to but I have a lot of examples in Italy where the children chose the jw religion. I was the one who compared Jws with al qaeda sleeper cells. They go to a friend or family member of yours, maybe after 3,4 or 5 years and speak to them while facing a difficult moment or depression and selle thei
paradise on earth tale. Before you know it,'s loo late.

A lot also depends on how your kids are. My daughter, when she was 8 or 9, told her mother that she didn't believe in god.

You and I succeeded to keep them out of the cage but Imhave to admit that I was lucky and also thanks to my wife who agreed or accepted my kids doing judo, soccer, boxe, dance lessons, chess, heavy metal ( this was very difficult for us ).

pbrow

hey zana.... I am really happy to hear that you plan on getting your children involved! I have the "benefit" of having grown up in the church and know exactly what is going to be said to them, what the guilt trips are going to be like because I lived it. "Is your soccer game more important than jehovah?" "Do you think everyone at that party loves jehovah?" "Do you really want to move out of the house and have to pay for things like toilet paper and silverware?" You cant make that batshit crazy stuff up!! When I was 12 I didnt have an answer to those questions, now I can arm my children with life lessons and the thinking ability to realize those are fucking retarted questions!

I know first hand this stuff isnt easy. Life is not easy. I am not saying "follow my 12 step program" and all is well. Show your kids the world, immerse them in it and guess what? They may choose the JW lifestyle!!! It may happen. Its not likely but I am prepared for that. I cant worry about what they may or may not choose to do when they are adults. All I can do now is give them the tools that I think will make them successful adults, who happened to grow up having to go to the kingdom hall on a semi-regular basis. I am not leaving anything up to luck.

Village girl, I say this knowing you and I have a similar disdain and animosity for the the organization of jehovahs witnesses but save your end of the world JW = taliban references. The taliban CUTS PEOPLES HEADS OFF and FLIES PLANES INTO BUILDINGS and SUICIDE BOMBS SCHOOLS/CHURCHES/MARKETS !!!!! The blood issues is the only topic that can even remotely be brought into the arguement when compariing the taliban who CUTS PEOPLES HEADS OFF.

As for me and my family we choose to BREAK THE FUCKING BUBBLE!!! Do not fade if you have children!!

pbrow

Zana

villagegirl,

There is no middle road.

I believe there is. At least as long as my wife stays liberal and moderate. And if she suddenly turnes hardcore I can still get out bigger guns. But if I flat out reject everything JW-related now, that would put a strain on our marriage and possibly just result in the consequences I slowly try to stear her away from in the first place.

Actually yesterday we had a talk about the seriousness of baptism, the motives behind it, and at what age this might be appropriate, if our kids really want it. She will be fine with a 18-years-old rule. There it is: Middle road. More time for me to show them the world and educate them to become critical thinkers.

roberto avon

Hi Zana,

if you marry a Jws as an agnostic or ( ex ) catholic there is a middle road. At the beginning, as in my experience, Jws were much more involved in our lives than after that my grown up children deicded they were agnostic or atheist, now there is almost no influence from the Wt anymore and we are " almost " normal."

I say almost because if you have these people around you ( family and members of the congregation ) things can change quickly. For example my wife was fading away but since here parents moved near to where we live ( same congreation of my wife ) I can notice a difference because my wife feels the pressure to attend meetings. Also ( whatnI didn't know but she told me ) her father tried to convince her to take the youngest kid ( 13 years ) to the KH.

But she replied that if the boy didn't want to she was not going to oblige him. As you see it never stops...

Frazzled UBM

zana - I agree with village girl and pbrow - there is no middle road or at least if you try to follow the middle road you run a significant risk (it is not inevitable as Roberto Avon's experience shows) that your kids will become indoctrinated when you are not looking. You need to be very firm in resisting the key elements of indoctrination, such as reading the Bible Studies book and attending the KH. Do not underestimate the power of the fear based indoctrination process - it will be drip fed into your children's heads. They will be exposed to powerful fear inducing images and stories. As I said before - for as long as your wife believes Armageddon is happening soon, she will work overtime to protect her kids by indoctrinating them. She will truly believe that is what is best for them and it won't occur to her that she is exposing your kids to abusive scary images and stories. You will always be the enemy in all of this - any compromises you make will not change this - she will just see this as a sign of weakness. Also much better to start tough and relax at the edges later than to start by making compromises and then try to tighten up once you realise you have lost control. Fraz

jgnat

Yup, compromises and agreements only hold one way. Hubby broke his all the time. He'd get a fit of conscience and renege.

For instance, I negotiated, "I go to your convention, you come to my church service". Only worked once and he had a fit of conscience. Probably imagined demons chasing him down the aisle. He never set foot in the sanctuary again. On the other hand, he never let up begging me to join him in his meetings. Double standard, compromise only one way.

A "spritual" Witness is one that is ever more fastidious in following the rules.

jgnat

What DID work was bypassing all the Witness stuff altogether and address my husband's natural self, reinforcing his native interests. When he is all himself, he does not think of the WTS.

Captain Obvious

Roberto, what did your wife do or say to your kids when they told her they don't believe in god? at what age did she no longer force the kids to go to the KH?

Very curious. It worked out for you very well that she didn't force them Forever. Most JWs say they would force the kids to go until 18 or something. They believe that just sitting in the chairs at the KH will save them from armageddon. Some also believe that just hearing the "truth" will make someone believe.

Thanks for sharing your experience.

roberto avon

When my daughter was 8 or 9 she told her mother that she didn't believe in God
and that was terrible for her.
My daughter, was the only one of my kids who attended regurarly the meetings.
My wife used to tell her bible stories of the terrible yellow book but she preferred
my tales ( Peter Pan, Pinocchio, Grimm tales ). When my daughter was about 6 or 7 she didn't want to go to the Kh anymore and we didn't force her. I used to organize
her birthdays parties and together we baught the first christmas tree.
This is what I mean with compromise
My wife; yellow book, meetings and all the rest that Indon't know
Myself; birthday parties, christmas halloween
Maybe ai was lucky, by the way she is 26 now but she adores her mother and also her mother adores her.

Let's not forget one thing, we married in 1987 when Armagheddon was very near ( 1914 generation ). So if she decided to marry me knowing that Armagheddon was near to come means she is very liberal.

Raising kids - JW mother, agnostic father

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