Raising kids - JW mother, agnostic father

by Zana 67 Replies latest social family

  • Zana
    Zana

    Hi roberto,

    glad to hear things turned out fine in your family. One thing strikes me as rather odd though. You think your wife is happy that none of your children wanted to join her religion? That is a lot more than liberal! Does she go to meetings regularly? Do you sometimes go with her? My wife still believes in Armageddon and is a little sad when thinking about me or possibly her children not being there then. Though I like the puzzled look on her face, when I tell her that this will be a tough problem for Jehovah to solve: Make her happy in life after Armageddon without me and our kids being there, too.

  • roberto avon
    roberto avon

    Hi Zana,

    I understand that it is a little bit strange. As I told you, the first 4/5 years of my marriage I had a bible study and attended 70/80% of the meetings with my wife.

    She used to read bible stories from the yellow book to my first daughter. At the beginning I didn't interfere to much with the education of my kids, I just tried, since I was working and travelling a lot, to play with them and before sleeping read them some stories as Peter Pan, Pinocchio other Grimm stories or I just invented them ( you can immagine which they preferred ).

    Another thing to consider is that at christmas we used to go to my parents ( catholic ) who celbrated christmas.

    In Italy religion is " almost " obligatory at school but we decided not to let them attend. But, for example at dinner when we discussed the evolution theory my wife told them the Wt point of view and I just tried to explain my kids that it was just a point of view and that the evolution was antoher possibility of how life on earth started.

    My father, only once, told me I was allowing my wife to much and that I had to intervene but Imtold him that everyting was under control.

    The important things that I did was ;

    - not allowing the kids to attend the meetings during the week. An elder once asked why and I told them; " meetings finish to,late and they have to go to school." He than asked me at which time they went to bed ( what I expected ) and I told him 8.30 so that he coulnd't go on with the discussion.

    - iI absolutely didn't want them to have a bible study ( besides the mother ) before an highschool degree

    - I allowed my kids to read Harry Potter and play with yu ghi oh cards.

    - for me school and education was very important

    At 8 or 9 my daughter told her mother she was an atheist. I think my two sons are agnostic as I am.

    Yes though she is very liberal I think it is difficult for her but honestly in 27 years the distance between her and the congregation grew steadily. When the Jws in the 80s spoke of Armagheddon ( 1914 generation ) she married me and had kids.

    The last memorial when she came back home she was sad but she didn't tell me anything. I used to acvomany her so now and than but 7 years ago a very aggressive overseer tried to convert the whole family and I almost had to throw him out ( my wife told him that I didn't want him to come ).

    They just cannot respect me.

    I am trying to tell her that here parents made an enormous mistake by joining this religion and that they are all nuts. I spoke to her about child abuse but she didn't want to read B. Anderson's website. But she told me she believed me.

    She usually answers; ; " why should I leave my religion, I go not evem once a week to the KH and I just go and pray ).

    She has always protected her private life and has some very food non Jw friends.

    She once told me that she will not change this, even if th Gb obliges her.

    Let us see...

  • Zana
    Zana

    I absolutely didn't want them to have a bible study ( besides the mother ) before an highschool degree

    When would they want to do that? I mean at what age? Is that a common thing to do for born-in JW children? Getting bible studies from someone outside the family? I don't like this idea.

  • Apognophos
    Apognophos

    Actually, yes, it is pretty common, Zana.

    when I tell her that this will be a tough problem for Jehovah to solve: Make her happy in life after Armageddon without me and our kids being there, too.

    JWs have been taught that they will not remember "the former things", so I guess that means God will erase the memories they have of this old system, including her old family... kind of creepy, huh?

  • roberto avon
    roberto avon

    Hello Zana,

    they tried when they were 13/14 ( an elder ) but as I told you I didn't let them. My brother in law

    is an atheist married with a Jw ( sister ) and he is allowing that his son has a bible study ( he started when he was 14 ).

    Their marriage was far more complicated.

  • roberto avon
    roberto avon

    What I do not know if they push for a bible study because we are a mixed couple and the were afraid tomloosing the kids, anyway it didn't work.

  • pbrow
    pbrow

    Zana..... I honestly believe that people here are blowing this out of proportion. You are the father correct? Sign them up for baseball, soccer, karate and anything else you can. Allow them to goto school dances, go to the park with "worldy friends", do birthdays and have school friends over. Allow them to goto birthday parties of school friends. The witnesses have an almost 70% drop out rate. If you allow your child to have a normal life, your children will start to see all on their own how messed up that relgion is.

    The previous posters are correct in a sense. The dubs have a great business model. If they can keep the children in the bubble it works great. If that bubble is broken then the business model is fucked. BREAK THE BUBBLE!! My middle school aged children were told that they couldnt join the theocratic ministry school because they were "dating" My kids said "i dont care, i dont want to join the school" When you are in the bubble, the tms is a big deal because its really all you can do besides go out in service. When you allow your child to have a normal life ie sports, dance & other extra-curriculars the tms and service are insanely boring. When you have a normal life, every time you are forced to go to the kingdom hall or service just reinforces the fact that it is a wierd religion where all the OTHER kids cant do anything!!

    Good luck,

    pbrow

  • roberto avon
    roberto avon

    Hi Pbrow,

    you are right and it is what I did ( a big part of what you told ) but you forget that maybe the " jw " mother doesn't want the children

    to celebrate birthday parties, go out with wordly friends and so on.

    You have to find a compromise with your wife because if you don't ( usually they spend more time with the kids )

    they surely will start to indoctrinate the kids.

  • pbrow
    pbrow

    roberto,

    My best friend growing up had a father who was a "fader" It hit me then and pissed me off when I came to the realization that he could have grown a pair and allowed my friend to participate in extra-curricular activities but didnt. If you are a fader and not trying to step on toes when you have kids you sentence these kids to a fxxxed up childhood. I dont care how much time the mother spends with the children. If you as a FATHER not only encourage but sign up your children for NORMAL extra-curricular activities/sports/dances it does not take long for the children themselves to see the jw way as being vastly inferior.

    BREAK THE BUBBLE.... DO NOT FADE IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN. Your relationship depends on it!!!

    pbrow

  • Zana
    Zana

    pbrow, yes, I am the father and yes, I plan on doing most of the things you suggested for my kids. I just want to be prepared for the weapons arsenal the JWs might aim at them sooner or later. You know books, videos, possibly talks behind my back or other things people mentioned here. I am not expecting much trouble from my wife's congregation at the moment. The elders are ok and don't seem very manipulative or overambitious about shepherding their flock. There is one "elderette" who often tries to get my wife more involved in JW activities, but she actually just gets on her nerves, too.

    But you never know. Somebody here (roberto?) made the al qaeda sleeper cell comparison. And besides we will possibly move to another city soon. A different congregation could mean more trouble. And then we will have to build new non-JW connections, too.

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