Why My Wife and I Have No Kids

by JT 66 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Grunt

  Hi JT,
  First time I have been on the board in a long time and as I always read your posts here I am with supper and the NEWS waiting while I post an answer to you.
  Short and sweet, you did the right thing waiting. What if you'd had kids and brainwashed them? I don't need to tell you how many on this board have immediate family, including kids, that treat them as "dead." So now is the ideal time to have kids! Now you can raise them free of the cult. Besides, having kids when you are a little older and with a little more money will make it more enjoyable for all of you. I take so many trips now that I wish I had been able to take when we were raising the kids. I wish you and your wife happiness. It will be a lucky child that has you two for parents. Take care.
• 

  AMNESIAN

  JT,

  Since I started visiting this board some few months ago and determining a number of posters with whose perspective I can especially identify as a result of my and my family's own experience(s) as long-time JWs, your observations have been and continue to be among those I most anticipate---for 3 distinct reasons:

  1) They, without exception, vividly and achingly evoke sentiments and recollections, with documentation, that only JWs and JWs "cultivated" in a particular kind of JW environment can. I know that at least part of your JW "upbringing" was under the tutelage of Brothers, Sisters J.C. Howard, Robert P. Johnson, Samuel Herd and other prominent African American COs/DOs and their wives as was my husband's and my own (a dozen years before you, though) and in predominantly black congregations, which have their own unique kind of culture even within the organization---I could speak volumes to this but will resist.

  The subject of your post in this thread is yet one more example of the above.

  2) Your unflinchingly honest and often self-deprecating appraisal of the WT world view and ambitions of an admitted whole-hog company man is refreshing and rings so exceedingly authentic. My former-Bethelite husband and I were on the fast track until his wife started grappling with some serious bouts of WTF???.

  3) And finally, young brother, you do so thoroughly crack me up. Everything from your use of urban dialect for emphasis (y'all remember that point on the speech counsel slip I know) to your perfect sense of irony and biting sarcasm. Exhibit A:
  

  Notice this quote:

  The evidence is that Jesus’ prophecy will shortly have a major fulfillment

  Who has determined what constitutes "Evidence" THE LAPD Crime LAB?

  <spewing brandy> Too, too funny. Just one of the literally dozens that sprinkle your accumulation of posts.

  On the serious, JT: What you've spotlighted in this post is no inconsequential deprivation by any stretch of the imagination, and I don't wish to suggest so, but I will offer one other in a cafeteria menu of regrets endured by those who followed the "light" of the WTS that might, just might, be even more tragic than the emptiness of children never born. That would be the heartbreak of a family of estranged parents and children and grandparents and grandchildren all a result of a heartless and ignorant, to mention nothing of unscriptural, "disfellowshipping" policy.

  God have mercy on us all and my very best to you and your bride, Brother JT. Thanks for another post.

  -AMNESIAN, the proudly forgetful hearer
• 

  GentlyFeral

  Of course being immature had it's benefitsLike the time I told her that trees were named cars and cars were tress! LOL she really thought that for about 2 weeks...ahh how silly and foolish I was, but it was kinda fun.
  wendy(wondering why I just told everyone that)

  Aww, that's kinda cute.

  When I was homeschooling my daughter, I put this mischievous impulse to good use in a reading game I called "misdirection." I'd make up flashcards with words she knew, simple ones like "dog" and "ride" and such, and offer to read them to HER. But I'd deliberately get them completely wrong, insisting that LOOK was "malachite" or CAT was "serendipity" or something. The more fantastical the word, the better. She'd laugh and I'd let her correct me. It was great for morale on those days when she was convinced she'd never learn to read.

  Gently Feral
• 

  Prisca

  LOL @ Gently Feral - sounded like you had great fun teaching your daughter!

  JT,

  Glad that you are planning on starting a family. I know that you will both be great parents with your honest outlook, not to mention your experiences in life. Now is not too late to start.

  Have fun trying!
• 

  JT

  TO ALL:

  My wife and I would like to thank all of you for your post- even the post from Fred -for it only reaffirms the correctness of our decision to Leave wt- so even poster like Fred serve an unknow role in many seeing the foolishness of the Wt and how it warps the minds of it's "loyal" members to the point where they are able to read a post like the one i did and miss the entire issue on the table due in part to the intense indoctrination process-

  now to address your responses

  #########################################
  AMNESIAN you stated

  I know that at least part of your JW "upbringing" was under the tutelage of Brothers, Sisters J.C. Howard, Robert P. Johnson, Samuel Herd and other prominent African American COs/DOs and their wives as was my husband's and my own (a dozen years before you, though) and in predominantly black congregations, which have their own unique kind of culture even within the organization---I could speak volumes to this but will resist.

  *** This is so true i am so impressed by how many white bor and sister for whatever reason are often times more willing to examine things- while within the black congo many bro literally have the "MASSER" and "Slave" mindset

  "WE best not Question Messer" is the mindset found among so many black bro-
  i recall see white bro challenge the CO if he said something that every elder in the room knew was his opinion by asking: "Could we get the REF material from the WT on that matter just in case the friends ask us where they can look it up, etc"

  these white guys would go toe to toe- while i never saw a black bro in Washington,DC inner city congo every challenge the CO

  so your words are so true about the "Unique" culture of a mostly Black congo*******

  YOu continue on to mention:

  My former-Bethelite husband and I were on the fast track until his wife started grappling with some serious bouts of WTF???.

  **************

  Well you and my wife share a few things in common indeed- as she says "You were so blinded you couldn't see" she told me she was ready to go along time- we had 42 SINGLE SISTERS IN OUR HALL 25-40yrs old
  our bookstudy had 17 single women and just myself and my assistance were married- my wife HATED WHEN WE WERE ASSIGNED in the rotation to do that bookstudy

  all the single girls lived in the same apt complex so the committee that arranged the bookstudy felt well they all live in the same building all they need to do is take the elevator.

  well it was really hard on my wife for we were in the Family Book and all the sex questions had to be answered by my wife mostly the MS wife was an older brother who wife was somewhat sickly so she rarely came- The answers always fell on my wife for none of the single women would raise thier hands- it got so bad that one night after the bookstudy this sister approached me and said " Bro I really don't enjoy commenting on this book for it is as if I'm just giving TEXTBOOK anwers- So less than 3 month by Jan we ended up moving some single women out and more couples in to try and balance matters

  but my wife hated it "Bro can you go with me on a call" was the uusal request to work with you- from what i understand now and it's been 3 years a number of the single women could not "Wait on Jah" and they have ventured out into Streets and not knowing what to look for in a Good Man besides the WT definition( high hours, reads all his mags and comes to all the meeting) they don't know what to look for in a man - so the first man that shows any interest "Slick Rick" or "Smooth Larry" they think that they have found a good man- only to be used and disposed of like a used paper towel

  and i feel so bad for many of these women were good clean decent women who wanted to marry badly, but are forced to suppress thier natural feelings till they can't anymore and at that point they are not thinking with thier brains, but thier panties sad to say.

  YOu further state that:

  " That would be the heartbreak of a family of estranged parents and children and grandparents and grandchildren all a result of a heartless and ignorant, to mention nothing of unscriptural, "disfellowshipping" policy."

  ****** there is truly nothing worse than the DFing policy of the WT i agree with you 110%

  I will shoot you and email- perhaps if you guys are in the Washington DC area anytime you are more than welcome to stay with us- we just had a 3700 sq foot custom home built and all the JW who do know were we are think we have gone completly MATERIALISTIC- SMILE

  ##############################################

  Grunt SAYS:

  Short and sweet, you did the right thing waiting. What if you'd had kids and brainwashed them?

  ********IN FACT THE above view is what we are so thankful for- my wife and I often discuss how difficult it would be to tell a child you had throughly brainwashed that this is the truth and YOU CAN'T DO THIS IN SCHOOL CAUSE GOD WILL KILL YOU and then all of a sudden say IT'S OK

  your words are ever so true

  Grunt continues saying:

  "Besides, having kids when you are a little older and with a little more money will make it more enjoyable for all of you"

  **** we are both back in college - got our own little biz in the IT industry and things are going well, got a new home so things are falling into place and we are so thankful- loved your post

  #############

  COMMENT SAYS:

  "Those "local attitudes," I find, are often used by faithful Witnesses as a scapegoat for whatever may be going wrong in their congregation. Yes, out here in the sticks they may be making petty rules and reading things into the Watchtower articles that the fine brothers in Brooklyn never intended, but elsewhere in the country and around the world, they're doing it Jehovah's way. So, just treat it as a trial of faith and persevere.

  Sometimes, too, it's not just blamed on the local *Witnesses* but on the overall local culture of Wisconsin or Washington or wherever.

  But when you see quotes like this, the light really goes on. Why would women scold another woman for choosing to have a child? Normally women are delighted about that kind of stuff.

  THE PROBLEM IS FROM THE TOP DOWN, NOT THE BOTTOM UP"

  ******** YOU HAVE indeed summed it up nicely in how they try to blame the "Local JW" but you are right - since they claim it is a Theocracy from the Top down then so let it be that way when the blame start rolling in--SMILE

  ################

  chester says:

  That was a good post and so true. I too like your tell it like it is style.

  * well thanks dad- smile- as Calvin would say "Just keeping it REAL"**

  #########

  Xena says:

  "a respectable married woman scared to tell her parents she was pregnant because they might be disappointed in her. How sad is that?"

  ****** a very powerful statement on the MINDSET OF JW****

  SHE CONTINUES "I felt guilty for wanting to have a child"

  TO THE avg person on our jobs and in our HOOD they would think that we are crazy for feeling that way-- it is truly amazing how over a period of time the WT can replace ones NATURAL FEELINGS AND DESIRES for thier Bogus ones

  SixofNine says:

  JT. Don't ever change. You have a gift for cutting straight through the BS."

  ******thanks for the kinds words*****8

  #######################################

  Bigboi says:

  "It really is sad the treadmill that WTS followers are on. So many times you feel as if you are putting forth all this effort and getting absolutely nowhere. What do you get for all your heartfelt sacrifices? Conditional love, virtual nonsupport and a shell of life. While the WTS continues it's spin game and keeps raking in the cash to the detriment of it's memebers."

  ****** your comment puts the issue in a very neat package so that any one who really does "Critical Thinking" can see the total failure of an org that claims to be the VERY MOUTH PC OF GOD HIMSELF

  ********

  THANKS AGAIN TO ALL

  James
• 

  JT

  Prisca Says:

  "Glad that you are planning on starting a family. I know that you will both be great parents with your honest outlook, not to mention your experiences in life. Now is not too late to start."

  *thanks you for the kind words, while we have a few things we would like to do first, I truly thank you along with so many others for your kind words**

  But she also says:

  "Have fun trying! "

  ***YOU R SO BADDDDDDDDDD!! smile-- You just got to Love this NET "THANG"
• 

  Prisca2

  hehehe
• 

  AMAZINGEX

  JT

  I agree with Prisca whole-heartedly. Kids are a joy beyond compare! And the Bible tells us that they are perfect. After all, they are a gift from God. And he never gives a less-than-perfect gift!

  May God bless you, your wife, and your off-spring to come.

  AmEx
• 

  princecharmant

  JT (formerly known as "1"),

  In Africa we read those articles and laughed. Not having children because of the grand tribulation approaching!!! We looked at the missionaries, COs, DOs, all childless, as a curiosity. Of course, like good old JWs that we were (hey! I'm still one, by the way),it was again "food at the proper time", even if indigestible. When I got married, we decided we were going have kids come grand or little tribulation, and didn't we go for it!! Man now writing has four of 'em.

  And man, don't make your "planning to ..." phase too long though. I remember you saying so two/three years ago (time you started college or something). I'm glad you're still looking ahead....

  pc
• 

  JT

  PC

  thanks for the post and you are on the money it was viewed as FOOD AT THE PROPER TIME

  let me ask you - are you making any plans to leave the org or do circumstances at this time prevent if i may ask

  thanks

  james