This morning I spoke with Barbara about our two families and we reminisced about what it was like to attend eight-day conventions from 8 in the morning till 9 at night, to hear Brother Knorr speak overtime, once for nearly 4 hours! Interesting to note that families were then united in working in a kitchen to provide food, were in the family car for days on end traveling to Yankee Stadium … much easier to be cohesive than today, perhaps.
We spoke of our four-decades-long marriages and a comment made on this thread about wives, which prompted this post. Successful marriages that have survived that long are built on the solid foundation of partnership. As a prominent male, I got the glory while my wife did her thing in the background, and while I knew her contribution was even greater than mine, often. Looking back, the days in traveling work robbed us of intimacy oftentimes; I regret that deeply. My wife, like so many others, has paid a terrible price.
When the call of a tragedy would come to an elder’s home, the one who picked up the phone was generally the wife, because her husband was at work. (Today there is voice mail.) She would throw the children in the car and provide what comfort she could till the spirit-appointed overseer would take over. Some things about the congregation she learned about but did not pry, she was just there to give succor to a husband regularly overburdened and to care for the family.
Joe Anderson was called back to Bethel because of his technical skills. His wife Barbara was excess baggage, as is often the case. Since she had been a mother, at least she could provide stability and an example of maturity to younger ones at Bethel. What overseers found out was that this remarkable woman possessed not just a heart, but a head. And so they eventually put it to work.
If you picture an aggressive woman running ahead, eradicate that notion. This meek woman did just what they told her to do. The GB ultimately was responsible for putting her in a position in which she learned more than both she and they bargained for.
Those of us who have been in Writing, Service or similar departments learn all too quickly what the organization’s very real and ugly problems are, and at first this is viewed as some kind of personal test: seeing imperfection, but still loyally embracing "God’s organization." The conscience also pricks from time to time, but humility overrides.
You can read for yourself and fill in the blanks what happened with Barbara. She learned facts, read real experiences, talked with real people, but was in no position to do anything about her feelings and conclusions; for that was the job of male overseers and shepherds.
There was no way her husband could deal with these issues, because he had no leverage whatsoever. Knowing Joe, it must have been extremely difficult for him to grasp that basic policy and practice in the field was so badly flawed in God’s very own organization. Policy did change, but the GB had to be prodded mightily for years. That story will be told accurately and honestly, for all to hear.
I want you to remember this: even as fathers do not experience the pain of childbirth, Joe did not have the experience his wife did in her daily touch with the real organization at its highest levels and in her seeing its fruitage. He could not validate her experience, but he could validate and value his life-time partner. It would have been impossible for HIM to take the stand SHE has taken, because he has not walked in her shoes. It's that simple.
A loyal elder whose life is bound up with the organization, Joe Anderson is also a remarkable person who has spent his entire life doing it by the theocratic book and his understanding of the Bible. You will find him unceasingly taking the lead in door-to-door work, and in every activity expected of a JW elder. His love for the brothers is obvious. Anyone who has ever been around him inside and outside Bethel knows this for an absolute fact. His loyalty has been profound to a fault.
A prominent organizational specialist says that you should plant a garden only the size of what you can water.
Joe went back home with Barbara, and has been busy setting a fine example to others and tending to his little congregation with great love and care. No wonder fellow elders love him and support him personally. I have watched him go from a young man to one now completely white-headed. What has not changed is his quick warm smile and his deep compassion for others.
It’s not about gonads or ovaries, or pushing ahead. It’s about a loving life-time partnership.
And Christian conscience.
Maximus
