Posts by gcc2k

5

managing a mixed marriage - is it possible?

by gcc2k in

i think one of the major obstacles i see in remaining in my marriage is how to manage the fact that my wife is "in" and i'm not.

i am a fader, not da or dfd (i've wanted to da for a long time but haven't, and haven't been dfd yet).

my wife is devout but not fanatic.

gcc2k

Sass - I see you read my other thread :)

I'm not sure if "forgiven" is the right word, but we're trying not to make any rash decisions. I'm working through things in therapy and it's not easy.

Getting her "out" is not an option. She's thought about it, for the sake of the marriage, and can't do it.
There are things that bother her (some things) but they are not big enough to the point where she would consider leaving.

I truly believe that the religion issue is divisive enough where it was a factor in my recent behavior (not the only factor, but it didn't help).
Having no friends you can be close to, including your spouse, is certainly going to weigh on a marriage.

If we stay together, I don't see that changing though. My friends won't be her friends, and vice-versa.
I recently met a friend of hers and her husband, and while my first thought was "hey, they're cool, we could be friends", I quickly realized that they probably want nothing to do with me, and I certainly noticed the husband staring at my beard, probably thinking "oh, that poor misguided brother".

I think the success of any mixed marriage is going to depend on the degree of compromise that each spouse exhibits. For example, if I insist that the kids not go to meetings or out in service, that's going to be a very different marriage from the one we've had so far, where I let them do as she pleases.
Likewise, if she's unwilling to accept my friends as real friends, and not just "my husband's worldly acquaintances", I don't see that working.

5

managing a mixed marriage - is it possible?

by gcc2k in

i think one of the major obstacles i see in remaining in my marriage is how to manage the fact that my wife is "in" and i'm not.

i am a fader, not da or dfd (i've wanted to da for a long time but haven't, and haven't been dfd yet).

my wife is devout but not fanatic.

gcc2k

I think one of the major obstacles I see in remaining in my marriage is how to manage the fact that my wife is "in" and I'm not.
I am a fader, not DA or DFd (I've wanted to DA for a long time but haven't, and haven't been DFd yet).

My wife is devout but not fanatic. She's balanced in a lot of ways that traditional witnesses are not (allows the kids to take sports classes with non-JWs, for example) and recently has been making more of an effort to meet some of my complaints (for example, letting the kids play with the neighbors' kids, and making a point of telling me).

When I bring up our differences as a problem, she points to friends of hers that manage to make it, even some who have DFd spouses.

The thing that bothers me is that I know we will have two mutually exclusive circles of friends. They can overlap at some small point, depending on the people, but by and large we will have two separate worlds.

Then there is the issue of kids - what if I want to celebrate holidays or birthdays? Do I accept that she'll leave the room or the house, or not travel to a relative's house?

I know all this depends on the "piousness" (for lack of a better term) of the Witness, but I just see it as a recipe for disaster.

We have other issues as well, but I figured I'd start with this one :)

62

update on my divorce situation

by depressed in

i'm shocked!

if you remember my experience, in a nutshell, basically my ex-bethelite ex pioneer husband cheated on me with an older "worldly woman" from his job and left me suddenly.

i had no idea that we had trouble with our marriage, however, when i discovered the love letters from the other woman, he moved out, and a week after that, i received divorce papers.

gcc2k

I'm chuckling because I bet I know the actors in this soap opera, though I now live far far away... :)

40

For the kids is it better to stay married and miserable or...?

by brunnhilde in

...get a divorce and at least have a chance at happiness?

my husband and i would never have gotten married if we weren't both in the borg.

now we're both out and we have nothing in common.

gcc2k

It's tough. I'm in a similar yet different boat.
I'm out, she's in, and I'm not sure if I want to stay together.
Heck, I don't know what to do either.

Everything I've read indicates that clearly, how well your kids do in a divorce depends on how well the parents get along.
No fighting, no namecalling, etc.

But, would kids do better with divorced but happy parents vs married, unhappy parents? Unclear.
It's also unclear if you will be happier when you're divorced.

Couples therapy helps, but it's not a magic pill. Consider individual therapy as well if you can afford it.

21

2007 DC "Follow the Christ" Locations Available

by blondie in

jw
friends

i finally got the list for the us and canada.

i can't say which one your relatives or "friends" are going to but i can tell you what the sites are.

i notice they are not posted yet on the www.jw-media.org website.. many did not get their march 1, 2007, wts in us congregations until this week because the site of their convention had not been announced at the congregation level.. there are several english conventions being held at the newburgh, ny assembly hall and the queens, ny assembly hall as well as at the west palm beach, fl assembly hall.

gcc2k

Very interesting Blondie. That information tells me most likely one of two things:
a) They are expecting much smaller turnouts, so they are using their own facilities and not booking the large stadiums.
b) The stadiums are no longer interested in having them there, at any price. This was the case with Yankee Stadium, which they lost a few years back.

Of course, there will still be a shortage of funds throughout the events, despite the fact that they own the facilities.
Also, please remember to deposit cans in the containers clearly marked... "cans". Thank you.

21

2007 DC "Follow the Christ" Locations Available

by blondie in

jw
friends

i finally got the list for the us and canada.

i can't say which one your relatives or "friends" are going to but i can tell you what the sites are.

i notice they are not posted yet on the www.jw-media.org website.. many did not get their march 1, 2007, wts in us congregations until this week because the site of their convention had not been announced at the congregation level.. there are several english conventions being held at the newburgh, ny assembly hall and the queens, ny assembly hall as well as at the west palm beach, fl assembly hall.

gcc2k

District conventions in Newburgh? Must be foreign language? Either that, or they are having trouble booking the large sites like Nassau Coliseum. I've always noticed that many people go to other locations. In (my former congo) the ones looking for a leg up would always where they were assigned, so they could help with setup, etc. But most other "normal" JWs combine their trip with a vacation, or split up the convention dates so they won't go broke.

95

Starting my story...very long

by Synergy in

[the watchtower, july 15, 1961 issue, page 420: .

[the watchtower, july 1, 1963 issue, page 413: .

[the watchtower, july 15, 1974 issue, page 442: .

gcc2k

Like many others, my sympathies for what you went through. I'm eagerly looking forward to the rest of the story...

39

My mom replies concerning UN/ JWs. Need your help.

by *jeremiah* in

in short, my mom's a die hard jw.

my brother was never baptised and, although he doesn't believe or go to the kh anymore, my mom still has a relationship with him.

thus he decided to email the following to our mom and her reply is below.. what i want to know is,...what would be an excellent reply for my brother to use in response to her comment?

gcc2k

I concur 100% with AK-Jeff's first 5 points above. You can search on my thread history to find the exact same information covered, with the actual replies I received from the UN.

7

defining JW beliefs

by gcc2k in

i managed to pick a therapist who knows nothing about jws - lucky me.

i sent him the following summary.

would you say it's fair/objective and accurate?

gcc2k

Thanks for the feedback. Yeah, I'm not in Bangladesh :)
My issues are mainly marital, but I suspect the religion piece plays a big part in all this.
We'll see how it goes.

7

defining JW beliefs

by gcc2k in

i managed to pick a therapist who knows nothing about jws - lucky me.

i sent him the following summary.

would you say it's fair/objective and accurate?

gcc2k

I managed to pick a therapist who knows nothing about JWs - lucky me.
I sent him the following summary. Would you say it's fair/objective and accurate?

This summary is from my perspective, but there are places where I may express an opinion. I will mark these with an (O).

Jehovah's Witnesses (henceforth abbreviated as JW) are a Christian based religion (relatively).
Some important things which are unique about this religion, and how they impact members:

- Unlike other religions, you cannot pick and choose what you believe. Your religion impacts every aspect of your life.
- They believe that sooner or later, the world will be made anew (Armageddon). Those who are good JWs will survive, everyone else will pretty much be destroyed.
This impacts their lives in several ways:
- all their friends are JWs.
- they generally marry only other JWs
- they are encouraged to pursue their ministry, instead of higher education

- They believe theirs is the only true religion - there is no such thing as interfaith.
- They go door to door (obviously) trying to warn people about the coming destruction, so they can convert.
- They reject blood transfusions - a JW who willingly accepts one will be subject to discipline and most likely reproved (more on this later).
- They do not celebrate any holidays (Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Year's) or birthdays.
- They don't salute the flag, vote, or stand for the National Anthem.

- There are not various levels of faith, as in other religions. If you're Catholic, you can go to church, confession, communion, if you want. Or , you can skip all that for a month.
JWs are either active (normal members), inactive (did nothing wrong but not attending services), or one of two reproved states - disfellowshipped for doing something bad, like adultery, or disassociated, where the person has told them to take a hike. There is no way to be a conscientious objector, agreeing with some doctrines, but not others. Expressing an opinion that you do not believe something, especially to other JWs, will result in an inquiry, and discipline, if they are not able to "readjust" your thinking on the matter.
Members in a disfellowshipped or disassociated state lose ALL their JW friends, who are not allowed to even greet them if they pass in the street, and even family members are urged to keep interactions with such a person to only important family matters.
(O) This practice creates a strong pressure on members to conform, to stay "in", because leaving means the loss of your entire social circle.

For some additional info, the wikipedia entry is fairly accurate, but I cannot vouch for everything there.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jehovah's_Witnesses

Also, the official Watchtower site:
http://www.watchtower.org