Many times I heard things said at the meetings or conventions that really made me angry, but of course I couldn't voice my emotions, not to any "friend" in the KH or to my mother (a die hard witness to this very day, she's 75).
One time I heard an experience at a D.C. about a JW father who had two sons. One son wanted to go to college and the father told him that he should go ahead, however, the father was NOT going to help him finantially at all, that all costs would have to be paid by the son himself. The other son wanted to work part-time and become a regular pioneer. Well, to the latter son, the father offered ALL the finantial help he needed. This pissed me off so much because it is totally irrational, let alone unfair. Of course, the first son re-thought the whole idea about going to college and decided to also work part-time and become a regular pioneer too. And the whole assembly of brothers exploded in applause, you know the drill.....pathetic....but I applauded too. Today, I'm ashamed I did.
I think that I experienced many moments like this at countless meetings. I bet you felt the same also.
My recommendation is simple, but not easy, still it's imperative to do this, STOP going to meetings, STOP reading anything from the WT. Get yourself a bible, not from the WT: you could even download one on your iphone, like Bible.is (you could read it or listen (in drama too) and devour it for the first time without any preconceptions. Trust me, for the first time, you will SEE, you will cry, you will be convicted and you will ask Jesus to forgive you. Most of all, you will thank Him, because those suspicions you have, are really calls to you to find the truth, who is Jesus. (John 6:44 - no one comes to me unless the Father who sent me draws him).
Best of luck my friend.