Dear Red Horse,
I believe what you are saying about "laying out the plot" and my "requesting of the subconsious" is the same thing.
We are asking, or directing, our subconscious to reconsider a matter or thought - whether in dream or whatever. I believe Carmel had a post on that matter - except he had used it to say that sometimes people ask themselves, instead of God, in prayer, and their own minds answer the problem.
That has worked for me somewhat, but it feels really spooky talking to your "inner you or mind" and then praying to Jehovah - the requests for insight or answers sound the same - so does the wording. I felt weird doing it, but I limited success. Doesn't say much for me, huh?
Going back into memory is different - but quite like the computer games, only in your mind. If you feel you have forgotten a perspective on a memory, not necessarily from childhood, try it. Mentally picture the setting, place, of the memory. Then quietly walk through the setting, just looking. Like going to visit your old house and actually seeing all the all momentos. However, in walking in memories, whatever presents itself usually stays the focus - doesn't switch subjects. If I felt too threatened, however, I could barely control myself to remain calm and free and to stay in the memory. Sometimes it would take a half dozen tries before I could do it.
It does take practice and an effort. I didn't know what to call what I do until I told my therepistand she asked me to explain the process. I told her I had to be in a locked room by myself (security), very quiet (cutting external senses), and very still and then used relaxing techniques.
Then I would usually enter my childhood world through a safe place (a field across the street), then to my house and my father. And then the games would begin.
Any noise would stop the process. And my therepist then told me that I was self-hynotising myself and asked me who had taught me. I said no one, just knew I could do it and started doing it. I think it all stems from my highly peculiar childhood and that Jehovah made our minds able to bend. Just some more than others, like those contortionists. Some can contort more than others.
One dear old brother said it was a blessing not to have my memories - I was so angry at him because I felt they were mine. But I do believe he was on the right track - he also said that my mental bending (multiple personalities and self-hypnosis) were a blessing. Then I was really angry. But, 20/20 hindsight 10 years later, he was right about the mind - Jehovah did make it marvelous and we have no idea what the potential.
Now I sound like a mad scientist, huh?
Thanks for the conversations - the only other person I've ever talked to about this was my therepist and one person who had the same childhood I had. She acted out physically (prostitute, etc.), I acted within. She is a rape counselor now - and says people (and they are rare} with our kind of terroristic background don't survive, mentally or physically. Sobering thought because we were just kids born to the wrong people.
As in any disorder of the mind or body, there are various degrees to which it affects your life.
I have tried to log on to the NY Mental Health sites, they have several for DID, or MPD, but, no offense meant, those poor people are nuts...... I'm just slightly whacked.
Edited by - waiting on 12 June 2000 20:31:15
