Hi and welcome Dyfii.
So sorry and sad that your best friend died.
"No broken reed will he crush" is one of my favourite scriptures, so many JWs seem to be perfect and righteous and we who are differant feel so unworthy in comparison, yet its so much easier for them they hardly even need Jesus, Jesus himself said he was like a doctor who had come to cure us broken ones, reading how you felt dispair at not succeeding in being how we feel we are meant to be tells me how good you really are and I am less mercyfull and Gracious than God and Jesuswho both know how you suffer in order to be counted one of theirs.
There is also a scripture that says he who is hating his life in this system of things, is safeguarding it for the system to come, Iam not sure how this really works, maybe its a vindication for God that humans are not as happy under Satans rule as they will be under Gods. To you and me both however, I feel the scripture applies, I too am lonely, hopeless and broken, and I too look to God and Jesus to put things right, but it will only happen when Jesus rules the world, not at the moment.
Regarding God making you a woman, only God knows, does he judge a persons sexuality by the mind or the body? Whatever, he will cure the conflict, even though you should be prepared that Gods answer might be to make you hetro-sexual with just as strong desires as you now have, but to be a Father figure who is deeply loved by his children.
What I try and do is appretiate the good things that happen in this twisted world, be nice to everyone and thereby take pleasure in the little bit of happiness you can give to others, and try not to dwell on the things in this world that are beyond our powers to do anything about, but are not above Jesus powers. Wait on him and be as full of happiness as you can be in the meantime under your trying circumstances.