Tapioca

Joined

• started 1 topics
• posted 49 times   see topics posted on
• send a message

Posts by Tapioca

• 
  20

  Feeling the Guilt

  by Saethydd in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i'm currently disfellowshipped and living at home with my parents, but because they are both still devout jws i have to keep going to the meetings and crap because i don't want to risk getting thrown out until i finish college or find a job that will let me support myself and go to college.. yesterday, my mother rode with me to the meeting and told me how much my best friend and my oldest sister are missing me, and it just tears me apart because during the meeting i was practically counting the minutes till it was over.

  it didn't help matters that i had to sit with my family because the library was closed off, thus forcing me to follow along with the meeting on my tablet instead of reading something useful or interesting like i normally do.. when i got home i just cried out in frustration because it feels like no matter what i do, i am making the wrong choice.

  either i have to keep pretending to support an organization that has caused so much pain to so many people, or i have to abandon my family and friends to it so i can save myself.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Tapioca

  What the emperor sez: You're smart, you've figured this out young.

  Might I add that it is a false dichotomy that you only have two choices: Either I have to keep pretending to support an organization that has caused so much pain to so many people, or I have to abandon my family and friends to it so I can save myself. There are many gradients in between those two polar opposites. You're smart. You're young, you can figure the rest of this out. Your situation is like no one else's and yet, it's like all of our own experiences. Take the advice here that helps you. Leave the rest. We're all supportive. Think of your many alternate paths out...and yes, get that education. You're smart. You've figured this out young.
• 
  5

  Ask a Brother, Tell a Sister

  by Tapioca in

  1. social
  2. humour

  i have been faded for years and years.

  no one cares about my standing in the christian congregation any more.

  so one day, my husband came up with this won-der-ful idea for a jdub button.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Tapioca

  Sorry for confusion! Yes, SBF, it's a badge or something like a political message or electioneering slogan. Hubby and I think it is funny that the old male white borg would approach a man (follower/leader, doesn't matter) differently than a woman. After living in that cult for many, many years, I feel strong for being able to poke fun at their obvious prejudice.

  So the punch line is that appealing to a male of the species takes more energy (requires thoughtful consideration) than appealing to a female of the species. She can just be told what to do. There. Everything fine. Smiddy has it. The boys have all the answers and the girls have s#@*t.

  BCat, I never thought about wearing my imaginary button; however, you bring up a good point. I don't go to KH anymore but yes I wonder how long it would take and who would approach you to remove a "controversial" scriptural reminder!

  Again, thanks all!
• 
  5

  Ask a Brother, Tell a Sister

  by Tapioca in

  1. social
  2. humour

  i have been faded for years and years.

  no one cares about my standing in the christian congregation any more.

  so one day, my husband came up with this won-der-ful idea for a jdub button.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Tapioca

  I have been faded for years and years. No one cares about my standing in the Christian congregation any more. So one day, my husband came up with this WON-DER-FUL idea for a JDub button. Yep, you guessed it! "Ask a Brother, Tell a Sister!" Sheer genius.

  I thought of it again today when I noticed the pictures of old white men as leadership. I was looking through the post about upcoming tours at SeaOrg, I mean Watchtower HQ.

  Thanks to so many for so much support over the past few years. And I'm pleased to report that I've worked at helping others help themselves effect their own exit--so much more satisfying that going door-to-door, eh?!
• 
  22

  The Timing of Telling My Parents My College Plans.

  by WeatherLover in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i know that at some point i have to tell my parents that i'm planning to go to college.

  i basically have two options:.

  1. tell them early.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Tapioca

  If you are in the USA, there should be a community college nearby that will help you obtain transferable credits to the 4-year program. Such an interim plan might save you thousands of dollars in the long run. Are you taking any AP or IB course which will exempt you from remedial or even intro courses which would help speed your completion rate? Carla has a good idea plus you need to develop a good relationship with HS counselors who will help you ID and compete for the local contests Carla mentions.

  Meeting attendance for >2yrs while not believing is rough. You might be able to continue to be flexible with this as it could protect your maj med/healthcare insurance for the next several years. Complete a FAFSA asap. It will give you the EFC (expected family contribution) regarding your higher education. You can always update it as needed.

  This is important. This is your future. Again, know your options, don't be afraid to be clever and innovative with your solutions, and keep your eye on that prize!
• 
  22

  The Timing of Telling My Parents My College Plans.

  by WeatherLover in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i know that at some point i have to tell my parents that i'm planning to go to college.

  i basically have two options:.

  1. tell them early.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Tapioca

  1. How old are you now and how old will you be when you start college?

  2. Are you baptized?

  3. Why do you have to stop going to all the meetings if you are going to college. The two are not mutually exclusive and your parents could very well be helped by your attending once in a while, even if you do not like it.

  4. Simon has a great suggestion for opening the discussion.

  5. Do you have somewhere else to go in the meantime? Would your parents "kick" you out, or would they take the tack of trying to keep you close so that they could run interference if possible?

  6. MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL: Good for you for considering your options in an attempt to maximize your success and minimize the hurt to your parents. Do you think one or the other of them might secretly wish for you to obtain a college education?
• 
  10

  Leaving a small minority group.....

  by The Rebel in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  has a profound influence on our life.

  on the one hand we have the background of our childhood, our upbringing, but when we leave and become apart of society, our witness traits and their set of beliefs are not tailored to fit in.

  however as i slowly learnt to know longer judge from the perspective of my witness life, i also learnt i am simply an ordinary person.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Tapioca

  There is much value in the difficult work of leaving "us vs. them" behind and embracing our human one-ness. I agree that it's stifling to always be at cross purposes with every other person on the planet. Using energy to greet others, to be aware of their needs, and to not disrespect them is fun! It's a lot more fun than categorizing them as evil, not-worth-it, goats.

  That learning curve is still challenging me...but the outcomes have been excellent.
• 
  26

  Do you think I should get something for my wife for her birthday?

  by schnell in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  my wife is still nominally in, but only because it "makes me (her) happy".

  there is nothing academic about her beliefs and when i try, she interprets me as negative.. but then she cusses like a sailor and watches certain movies with me.

  her birthday is coming up and it's also right around valentine's day.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Tapioca

  DOC:

  My opinion is that you'll have to do the homework (see other posting by Schnell). He used previous discussion to launch a verbal investigation. You may have to do the same. There may be subtle clues you can pick up. Also, do not dismiss asking someone of her friends to help you out. For a woman who has everything, you want to get her something that she would like to have, but wouldn't purchase for herself. Make it all about her.

  What a bunch of fun to celebrate someone's life! And their impact on yours! Good luck, man.
• 
  42

  New here..help greatly appreciated

  by Confusedandangry in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  hi everyone i don't even know where to begin.

  i recently saw leah remini's series on scientology thanks to my husband (semi-active jw) and i felt like my eyes were being opened for the 1st time in my adult life.

  i felt shaken almost sick to my stomach with each episode i watched.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Tapioca

  Welcome and Best Wishes, CNA.

  The burden you have been bearing, unintentionally, for years, is being lifted. Oh it's a heavy one all right! In its place is another weight. You will probably welcome that "other" weight. It's a whole lot lighter than the previous one, but let me tell you: The transfer can get a bit tricky.

  Others here have said it better: Stay in your current holding pattern. Don't get so far off balance that you yourself fall. You may be able to help others wake up as you plot your path forward. As time passes, you will be able to look fondly at this time of transition. So welcome to a place where you are safe to think and to process and to vent. This is also a place where you can seek and attain balance, taking the best and leaving the rest. The community here is good like that. We're so happy for you!
• 
  7

  Why I believe the quality of my posts has improved.

  by The Rebel in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  " thinking fast and slow" is a self help book by d kahneman.. according to my simplified understanding of the above self-help book we have 2 brains, which the author calls system 1 brain and system 2 brain.. system 1 brain is the brain that make the decisions, that we do as routine.. system 2 brain is the brain that uses conscious reasoning.

  thinking that requires conscious effort.. now the interesting thing is system1 brain is often making decisions system 2 brain isn't even aware are being made.

  this is because system 2 brain requires conscious reasoning, and thinking that requires effort.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Tapioca

  Thanks for the post! For me, it was also a revelation that it was possible for me to force a little gear-changing and go a little deeper and wider. I would be interested in more examples of how this model has improved your life. Your posts have always had the quality of healthy introspection. Where else do you see a difference, other than in writing?
• 
  6

  Regressive Left Meme

  by Bangalore in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  .

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Tapioca

  For a second there, I thought that the punch line was going to involve the god of the bible (you know, a "Christian"), but either way, this is hilarious.