Jade

Joined

• started 5 topics
• posted 254 times   see topics posted on
• send a message

Posts by Jade

• 
  26

  You've just won the lotto...Now what?

  by nakedmvistar in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  you have just won 100,000,000 in the lottery!

  what would you do next?

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Jade

  Definitely a Beach House in Florida or Hawaii!!
• 
  1

  Letter from Santa

  by Jade in

  1. social
  2. humour

  i regret to inform you that, effective immediately i will no longer serve the states of georgia, florida, virginia, north & south carolina, tennessee, mississippi, texas and arkansas on christmas eve.

  due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by north american fairies and elves local 209. as part of the new contract your local replacement , who happens to be my third cousin, bubba claus will service your area.

  his side of the family is from the south pole so there are a few differences between us:.

  1. 
• 

  Jade

  I regret to inform you that, effective immediately I will no longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North & South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas and Arkansas on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new contract your local replacement , who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus will service your area. His side of the family is from the South Pole so there are a few differences between us:

  1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

  2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC Cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba Claus doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though so please have an empty spit can.

  3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

  4. "Ho, Ho, Ho" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"

  5. As required by southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have aYosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words, "Back Off."

  6. The usual Chrismas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

  8. And Finally....Most Important.... Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure the wife and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree

  Sincerely Yours

  Santa Claus
• 
  2

  The Rooster

  by Jade in

  1. social
  2. humour

  zebediah was in the fertilized egg business.

  he had several hundred young layers, called pullets, and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs.

  zeb kept records, and any rooster that didn't perform well went to the soup pot and was replaced.

  1. 
  2. 
• 

  Jade

  Zebediah was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers, called pullets, and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs.

  Zeb kept records, and any rooster that didn't perform well went to the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of Zeb's time; so, Zeb got a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

  Each bell had a different tone so that Zeb could tell, from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.

  Zebs favorite rooster was old Brewster. A very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning Zeb noticed that Brewster's bell had not rung at all !! Zeb went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bell a-ringing!! The pullets, hearing the rooster coming, would run for cover.

  But, to Zebs amazement, Brewster had his bell in his beak so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. Zeb was so proud he entered him in the county fair. Brewster was an overnight success. The judges not only awarded him the NO Bell Piece Prize but also the Pulletsurpise.

  Edited by - Jade on 10 December 2002 23:46:27
• 
  9

  It Ain't Chicken in Your Chow Mein!

  by Lost Diamond in

  1. social
  2. humour

  .

  i hope this works:.

  http://www.starterupsteve.com/swf/chowmein.html

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Jade

  That was great!!!!!
• 
  11

  Another quick poll:

  by Monster in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  good morning everyone.

  not trying to force any of you to tell your ages, but how many of you were around durning the 1975 scandle?

  did you believe the world would really end?

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Jade

  I was a kid and I still truly believed the end was coming. My mom used to tell us that we would be living in the woods when the day came. I was scared all the time.
• 
  25

  Would you accept blood?

  by JH in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  would you give blood if there was an urgent need for it?

  and if you were the one who needed blood, would you accept it?

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Jade

  I would definite donate and have in the past. I would only take it as a last resort and I would ask my family for it.
• 
  4

  It aint christmas for turkeys

  by Brummie in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i just saw a woman on the news standing outside a turky farm shouting "turkey torture"....how dumb is that?...she looks like a real dip...is anyone taking any notice of her?.

  she's trying to save the turkeys and they are clucking behind her without a care in the world pecking away at some droppings on the floor.. kinda reminded me how dumb we looked standing on a persons door on christmas day *serious face - cheesy smile* telling em the fairy on top of the tree was pagan and telling adults father christmas wernt real.

  anyhow what dumb people we are sometimes, seeing her made me feel a lot better for singing whams "last christmas" at a kareoke with my flies down last year...perhaps i didnt look so dumb compared to others...then again.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Jade

  You said it Brummie. I remember my mom telling me that all you had to do was add an "n" to Santa to get Satan!!!!

  Jade
• 
  33

  Please pray for my dad

  by Dogpatch in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  for those of you inclined to prayer, i request it in behalf of my dad.

  he is in the hospital for a blood clot in his leg, which is potentially quite dangerous.

  he cannot move until it is dissolved, if that happens.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Jade

  (((((Randy)))))...I will keep your day in my prayers
• 
  14

  Better say what they want to hear

  by JH in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  .

  did it bother you that you had to make comments that reflected their way of thinking all the time.

  wouldn't you have loved to say something completely different from what they expected to hear, when making a comment.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Jade

  I always wanted to raise my hand and say "I think you're full of shit"
• 
  29

  Christmas gift ideas??? Help???

  by Mulan in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i have two teenage grand daughters, 14 and 17. they are both very beautiful (not just saying that) and the younger one is extremely popular in school, and has dark hair and blue eyes.

  the older one is tall, long blonde hair, blue eyes, and works at an espresso stand, and is a junior in high school.

  both are very trendy girls.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Jade

  Mulan,

  Silver bracelet and charms from James Avery Craftsman are so cool. I have one and my family and friends add to it every year for special occasions.

  Jade