iggy_the_fish

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Posts by iggy_the_fish

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  9

  Another Challenge For FunkyDerek...................

  by hillary_step in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  we are experiencing yet another partial eclipse here in west canada, can you please check to see if ian paisley has not hung his wifes knickers on the line again and if so remove them as soon as possible.

  some of us need the sun to live.

  bloody bush hating europeans.

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  iggy_the_fish

  lol. Is Mrs Paisley a woman of substantial proportions then?

  I like the idea of a daily "challenge Derek" thread.

  ig.
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  29

  "Candy Eatin' Curtain Climbers!"

  by jeanniebeanz in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  did anyone else have funny expressions for toddlers in their families?

  this one was one of my favorites and i'd love to hear yours.

  jean

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  iggy_the_fish

  I like chilblains, very good.

  Our little'un gets called "the boy" in a Homer Simpson style. We say ankle-bites sometimes, and sing it to the tune of Eidelweiss. (ankle-bites, ankle-bites, every morning you greet me etc)

  Very occasionally, we use his name, when we can remember it.

  ig.
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  8

  The Atheist's Book of Bible Stories - Ch. 7 - Those Remarkable Women

  by RunningMan in

  1. watchtower
  2. bible

  as always, if you would like the entire book, just send me your email address.

  those remarkable women

  this is probably the kindest thing that can be said about gods gender relations.

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  iggy_the_fish

  Another good'un, Running man.

  I once played King Arsy-hairus in a school play, a musical version of the story of Esther. Just thought you'd all want to know that.

  ig.
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  17

  OH my god it's moving all by itself!!

  by hamsterbait in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i have just discovered that i can move the cursor on my screen by moving the fingertips of my left hand about one centimeter above my laptop sensor pad.

  i don't think it's demunzz, but maybe the electrical field of my body interacting in some way.. if any part of my body is touching the computer it doesn't happen.

  i can also make my face tingle when i hold my right hand over my head about five inches above where my soft spot was as a baby.. i often get electrical shocks from the fittings in department stores.. any theories - has anyone else found this??.

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  iggy_the_fish

  I vote - Deeminz. Clearly and obviously deeminz in my opinion.

  Get thee behind me debil-da-hamster.

  ig.
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  7

  Dr's Visit

  by Greyeyes in

  1. social
  2. humour

  a little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "doctor, i have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much.

  my farts never smell and are always silent.

  as a matter of fact, i've farted at least 20 times since i've been here in your office.

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  iggy_the_fish

  A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends £5,000 and feels really great about the result. On his way home he stops at a shop and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the shop assistant , "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply.

  "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.

  After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "Oh you look about 29".

  "I am actually 47!" This makes him feel really good.

  While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a mans age. If I put my hand down your pants for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age."

  As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later the old lady says, "OK, it's done. You are 47."

  Stunned the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"

  The old lady replies, "I was in line behind you at McDonalds."

  (I have to confess I'm robbing these from here)

  ig.
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  7

  Dr's Visit

  by Greyeyes in

  1. social
  2. humour

  a little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "doctor, i have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much.

  my farts never smell and are always silent.

  as a matter of fact, i've farted at least 20 times since i've been here in your office.

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  iggy_the_fish

  Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mabel, did you know you have a suppository in your left ear?"

  Mabel answered, "I have? A suppository?" She pulled it out & stared at it.

  Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you noticed that,because now I think I know where my hearing aid is."

  (----->coat)

  ig.
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  114

  What words and phrases do Brits and others see as 'American'?

  by sonnyboy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  as an american, i see words such as cheerio, blimey, bloody (when referring to something negative), loo, bugger, fag (cigarette), etc.

  as chiefly british (i suppose they are).. what words and/or phrases do you consider to be chiefly american?

  i'm honestly unaware of which words i use that may not be used in other english-speaking countries.

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  iggy_the_fish

  Do any other Britishers get a childish giggle when they hear an american using the phrase "blow off"? Where I come from, to blow off is to fart, whereas the merry-cans seem to think it means to ignore, or give the cold shoulder to.

  And another one, "I couldn't care less" and "I could care less" seem to mean exactly the same thing. Go figure(<-- there's another one)

  Like, whatever! Well, DUURRR

  ig.
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  7

  Dr's Visit

  by Greyeyes in

  1. social
  2. humour

  a little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "doctor, i have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much.

  my farts never smell and are always silent.

  as a matter of fact, i've farted at least 20 times since i've been here in your office.

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  iggy_the_fish

  very good

  A husband and wife are standing together in a queue to get into the cinema. As they are waiting, the man in front of them suddenly, loudly and enthusiastically breaks wind.

  Outraged, the husband taps the man on the shoulder and says "Excuse me, sir, would you mind not farting in front of my wife!"

  The man, apologetic, replies "I'm terribly sorry, I had no idea it was her turn."

  (I'll get my coat)

  ig.
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  14

  I had the most amazing dream

  by katiekitten in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  when i was sleeping in a foreign field (well glastonbury, so it might have been the mushroom garlic bread).. i dreamed me and mum were at the meeting doing the witchtower, and uncle malcolm was taking it (yes the very same who was widowed by a sausage and married a rich old lady).

  well he asked a question and mum answered up and what she said was totally the opposite of what the witchtower was saying, but she used such long words and convoluted reasoning that no-one noticed.

  in fact some other people answered up and said they agreed with her and continued to spout the witchtower line.

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  iggy_the_fish

  Mushroom garlic bread? Sounds magic

  ig.
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  39

  im going to glastonbury festival today..

  by katiekitten in

  1. jw
  2. friends

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  ...and its absolutely pissing it down!!

  theres been thunder storms all night and day.. wayhey im gonna be a dirty rock chick tonight!

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  iggy_the_fish

  Think one of these might be Katie