Yeah, I'm really me. All 5 '8 and 200 lbs. of me. LOL.
Seriously though, I know what you're saying. It's a tough situation when we used to be JW's ( I've been out 14 years ) because it's a fake world. Everybody is fake as a JW for the most part. They all have to play a mind controlled role or keep that fake role up in order not to get kicked out - whether they believe the BS from WT leaders - or not. Even if they claim to believe in the " truth " - they still have to play a role and are enslaved- whether they realize it - or not.
I feel for you dude- I really do. If you get a chance try reading Steve Hassan's books on mind control - those books REALLY helped me after I exited the Witnesses to see just how deeply the WT Society controlled me psychologically. The tricks and schemes that cult leaders use- including WT leaders - are by design to entrap people into a closed system of thinking- a definite closed society for sure which does not allow open minded or critical thinking which causes people to have to play games and be fake in order to survive. It's NOT a healthy way to live, physically or emotionally.
In time if you can stop going to meetings you will find that not having to hear that WT mind indoctrination garbage spewed out over the platform will indeed help you be more at ease. I understand many can't stop attending cold turkey, but it will greatly assist you to think outside the JW box if you stop attending. It will heal yourself from the inside out actually. At least it did for me. I am a whole person now and I'm really me and I trust my instincts more than I ever have before. It's a peaceful feeling within. Not worrying about being judged or not needing to judge others - pretty cool stuff. Hang in there, take care, if you ever want to chat I'd be glad to chat sometime