we're carrying on while everyone ignores the elephant in the room so to speak.
For example my daughter's birthday is coming up (she and I are fading). My non jdub family are celebrating with a meal at a nice restaurant. My jdub husband has agreed to come because we've said that its a wedding anniversary celebration (fortunately there is a wedding anniversay coming up in the near future). He knows that its really a birthday celebration but he also knows that we arn't going to make it obvious.
In your situation its more tricky because children are very spontaneous. I wish you the best.