It's not easy. It has been so destructive to us too. And now my family. I know for me there was a time I probably would have reacted the same why to myself (even though I was never as bad as wife and family I followed cult rules). I've reduced myself just to meetings, I thought it felt like I was wasting my life while before I was awake... now? oh my... I really feel drained by the meetings, all the retarded cognitive bias rhetoric I have no idea how I ever sat through any of it.
All the brainwashed elders giving the same parts, same info, you can sense their strong brainwashed conviction but also total apathy towards it at the same time.
Just start taking pride in your status, feel enlightened amongst the blinded. It will help you cope some