Wife is not gonna cave in. This is getting to be a bit Rediculous already

by NoMoreHustle 9 Replies latest jw experiences

  • NoMoreHustle

    I have not posted in a bit.... Life basically as a fader sucks!! When my wife just does not get it & I don't know if she ever will. Marriage is great for the most part, but this religion is starting to drive a wedge between us & it really sucks! I just don't know what to do anymore.

    Friend tells me to just "suck it up, look over all of the BS and get into a place mentally where you can cope". But unfortunately that means going out in service or even commenting at meetings!$#@.

    I CANNOT DO THAT!! I STILL HAVE TO LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR!!! Only thing I can barely cope with is just going to meetings. It is just a waste of time.

    As someone that is pretty upbeat, this is really draining me. The guilt trip these people are putting me under is just sad.

  • disposable hero of hypocrisy
    disposable hero of hypocrisy

    I think you're me. How did I post under a different name?!

    It DOES suck, big time. I've got a time scale I'm working towards, it's very long term but I really wanna escape with family intact.

  • Awake at last
    Awake at last

    Free to leave at any time...it doesn't sound like it to me!

    Would she rather have you unhappy and a slave to a religion you no longer want or happy? I'd rather be married to a happy person, personally. Many couples can live happily together when one is in and the other out. She should know of examples of that.

  • Giordano

    The unassailable position is to base your fade on the fact that you can not support the WTBTS permissive attitude about pedophiles. That the policy puts families in and out of the congregation in danger.

    Document the issue through a Google search and include the recent PBS TV show.

    You are going to wait on Jah to do something about this before you go back.

    Take everything else off the table and don't engage in debates that no one in the congregation will be interested in.

  • The Searcher
    The Searcher

    Sorry for your hassle in trying to shake off the Org's chains.

    Although we are both fading - no FS, assemblies, contributions, M.S., and irregular meeting attendance - my wife still gets stressed thinking "what if"?

    I've prepared our respective replies for us both, should either of us be asked out on F.S. or offered a "shepherding call".

    The polite reply will be "thanks for asking, I appreciate your motives, but not at the moment."

    If they push for more information, I'll simply repeat what I've already said.

    I've tried to calm my wife's fears by assuring her that we can't get d/f'd for declining to give people information!

    Try this approach if it would help.

    It's your life - grab control of it and don't give it back to the cult members!

  • Tapioca

    The advice you see on this forum is wise. Hold up, wait, wait, wait. You may be giving away too much power at this stage, so it's tough to just "get into a place where mentally you can cope." That's a pretty tall order. But you can do it. Sublimate all your frustration at the religion into feeding the relationship that belongs to you and your wife. Be that husband. Make certain that she knows how great the marriage is for you (you can hold back on that "for the most part" for her!).

    Show her mostly that happy self. Please do not overwhelm her b/c she will be forced to take sides. You want her beside you. Giord has a very good point. Make it about them, not about you. It's just that you're having a little melt down with the child molestation issue and you need some time. You are processing. You may even have knowledge of someone (a close friend or relative) affected by this very issue and it's hurtful.

    You may want her to go to some of the activities without you, but not b/c you don't want to be by her side, but because you are having this crisis in confidence internally. You don't want to alienate anyone or cause her worries. Heck, you really want to be with her more!

    You may have to memorize some of Searcher's best lines there...practice them in front of the mirror until you can say them with feeling and conviction. Then use the broken record technique for prying busybodies.

    We all wish the best for you. Every situation is different. Be cool. If all you can do is meetings, then just do meetings.

  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once
    Hey Giordano, Unfortunately the GB has taken the pedophile issue off the table with their JW TV pronouncement about apostates being the source of the statements that the Org. is a pedophile paradise. No self respecting witness would ever quote the reality of such goings on because it has become off limits by the Gov. Body. They know what they are doing.
  • zeb

    Do you meditate? Use the the meetings to meditate.

    Back off on the wife. Like most sisters she lives for being around other sisters. So back off or the marriage you say is ok for the most part will become a sexual wilderness. You love the lady ? keep buying her flowers, small gifts or if its your style send sexy sms. Touch a lot.

    Check yourself is there anything you do that gives her the shits? Do leave undies on the floor towels dropped? Eliminate any such things as when she does a husband compare session with the others (Oh and they do!) she will hear others gripes and have none of her own.


  • freemindfade

    It's not easy. It has been so destructive to us too. And now my family. I know for me there was a time I probably would have reacted the same why to myself (even though I was never as bad as wife and family I followed cult rules). I've reduced myself just to meetings, I thought it felt like I was wasting my life while before I was awake... now? oh my... I really feel drained by the meetings, all the retarded cognitive bias rhetoric I have no idea how I ever sat through any of it.

    All the brainwashed elders giving the same parts, same info, you can sense their strong brainwashed conviction but also total apathy towards it at the same time.

    Just start taking pride in your status, feel enlightened amongst the blinded. It will help you cope some

  • NoMoreHustle

    Thanks for feedback. I have been going thorough this now for 2 years. Just doesn't seem like it is ever going to end. Funny thing last night watching action U.S show on tube, the episode was about a religious cult that was doing super wacky things like recruiting kids & indoctrinating them (ironic huh). So I then opened my mouth and said something like "It sucks when your in a religious cult huh" I can feel the glare for the next couple of hours of disdain!!

    Like I said before I just don't know anymore


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