hi,ummm ive just discovered this site and im not sure why im even writing this but im at rockbottom and i dont know how feel,maybe im just searching to find someone who might understand and help me understand because i feel so alone and ashamed,confused and sad,even people might find me bad because of how these events turned...but im not bad inside,ive always been such a soft caring person at heart,im a good person just always been lost,alone and confused....ill try not babble too much but from the beggining dad was here one minute,not the next and then not at all,to this day still never bothers,mum remarried when i was about 4,this was the guy who sexually abused me at 7,{mum never knew},they had a baby together...i found my brother dead in his cot,he died from cotdeath,and it was just all downhill from there with my life,that was after my brother i was abused by him....they split when i was around 8 and i guess my mum looking back now on it now just went on her own mission but it wasnt easy for me,she fell for another guy and we moved from one place to the next,every time i started a new school and made friends,it was time pack up and go and start all over.....
mum settled again and remarried a third time when i was around 12,id started a new high school,maybe its just those teens but i went off the rails with mum,i was terrible,didnt mean to be,but i blamed her for all my hurt and life and id rebel at everything,drinking started,running away started and i just wish now i could have felt close when alls i wanted was to love and be loved back...the next bit until now{im 25 now} is what is killing more than ever and id very much appreciate your thoughts because im lower than ever and still scared....mum is very much here in my life now...its only been a few months but shes heartbroken and the love and understanding has been tremendous off her,she blames herself but i blame me.....
when i started the new highschool i met this girl,she became my friend at the time and it was so good to have a friend id do anything she said....anyway she needed some money once and said i know this guy you can come to with me and he will pay you to touch your boobs,thats when it started i agreed because if i said no then shed probably laughed at me,so i went....,it sounds strange{he was nearly 50} but he was very very nice,and said i dont like the person whos brought you up here,shes nasty...,i hated him touch me but i was scared....but at same time i felt i could really trust him,me and this girl never did stay friends....theres another big big part in all of this,but from 13 this guy became the bestest friend i ever had in my whole life,but everything was a big secret,its lasted years...he had an hold over me,though i knew he was supposed be my friend i knew he musnt really be one else he wouldnt put me through the torture of crying and not coping when i had my baby...my babe is 8now but still when i let him touch my boobs so i can buy the best part of my life something nice or take him somewhere that man would buy bigger and better and undermine all my hurt....
I totally agree with Diamondblue--that was a terrible to thing to say to a woman who just asked for help and bared her soul for all of us too see. She DOES NOT need judgement. She needs LOVE. (May I add Christ can help her in that respect)
Linzlou, that was brave!! You need to realize, like Scully mentioned, this man was NEVER your friend. You probably were craving attention and love, but that was not what you got. He abused you. Your inner self was telling you something was wrong with the situation. If you feel bad about something someone does to you---they are hurting you!!
Also, you were NOT responsible for his actions. He was a grown man, you were a lost and scared kid. He took advantage of you. Had he not done these terrible things, he would still be alive in all probability. Those decisions were HIS. He did something wrong, not you.
If you don't have medical insurance check with your local Public Health Office. They can direct you to counsellors and other mental help. They really do help.
Crash is one of the best movies Ive seen in a LONG time. It was powerful. Didn't see Brokeback Mountain, just wasn't really interested in it. Heath Ledger is one of my favorites.
Joaquin Phoenix was my choice for best actor. He was great as Johnny Cash.
i know many ex-jw elders out there have the first hand knowlege of this but i was wondering do the elders really want to know everything you did when you were engage in sexual activity that got you in front of a judicial committee when you were a jw or now.
i have heard horror stories of the elders wanting to know did the person have an "orgasim" did they perform "oral sex" did they perform "anal sex" etc; i can't believe that a person could be so "nosy" as to want to know what a person did in the bedroom.
i know a girl who is now df that i work with and she said that one of the elders asked her what size penis did her boyfriend have and did she prefer "small" or large penises.
That makes me so mad!!!! A man can get away with everything because they can't help themselves. Oh, your wife isn't putting out?? I'm so sorry brother.......... Meanwhile there is a woman burning at the stake for a lessor crime.
How do you spell mysogny??
A boy TOUCHED MY LEFT BREAST??? Did anyone ask me why?? Did anyone take my circumstances into consideration? HELL NO!! An elder on my JC asked me is I knew that all men were dogs---well no shit Sherlock. Not all of them. JESUS CHRIST STOP THE INSANITY!!!
So women as the weaker sex are supposed to deny those urges because men are dogs?? Gimme a break. WT is a boys playground---unless you are a powerful elders' daughter, then you can say you were pressured into it. Such BS I have never seen any other place. (Except maybe in Muslim countries where they stone women for that). Man, give the WT a stone and no law----you all know where we would be right now.
i know many ex-jw elders out there have the first hand knowlege of this but i was wondering do the elders really want to know everything you did when you were engage in sexual activity that got you in front of a judicial committee when you were a jw or now.
i have heard horror stories of the elders wanting to know did the person have an "orgasim" did they perform "oral sex" did they perform "anal sex" etc; i can't believe that a person could be so "nosy" as to want to know what a person did in the bedroom.
i know a girl who is now df that i work with and she said that one of the elders asked her what size penis did her boyfriend have and did she prefer "small" or large penises.
love letters were the demise for many of the kids in congregations that i attended growing up..... i know i ended up in the library/back room several times for this (hopless romantic/ sagitarius) even put on public reproof for it.
(though i believe it was my dad's idea to have the elders put me on public reproof so that he could have more control over me).
It never fails to amaze me how much we all have in common trying to grow up in this mess. No wonder some of us have arrested development! We were so protected from the opposite sex! Maybe their unwarranted attention to sex turned us the opposite way from which they wanted us to go. Ya know, that forbidden apply thingy. My mother snooped constantly. I learned not to take stuff home, of course I had the occasional lapse of memory about what was in my pockets. Maybe that's why Catholic school girls wear skirts? When I was publicly reproved--it was because of a love letter. When I was df'd it was because of a love letter that I was never even priviledged to see. Funny thing is, Mom found the letters---but she never found my cigarettes. The only way I would ever snoop is if I suspected my kids were making pipe bombs (like columbine--that mama should have snooped a little) or doing drugs. Even then, I would not haul them in front of some old men to hear every detail of their fledging sex life. Oh, I was reproved for smoking pot---even though I hadn't. I was holding it for a friend with strict parents.---DOH!!!!!
i am half way through the book and am finding some surprising information.
i was always told that the gb met on wed. and prayed before considering their decisions on things, but was i surprised that different ones were given the assignments and to use if they wanted other "worldly" written things and then were off on their own to work independantly or w/another to come up w/the book, etc.. also, the malawi and mexico difference in treatment.
brothers lied to escape military service in mexico.
CoC just confirmed what I suspected. I love Ray for having the courage to write it.
The real eye opener for me was reading Deut. 18:20-22. When a prophet speaks in Jehovah's name and it does not come true, it did not originate with Jehovah. Do not be afraid of them. Verse 20 even says that prophet must DIE. I read "Let go of that fear of men. They have no power over you". Liberating!
The Malawi incident really made my blood boil. I can remember sitting at the meetings when I was small hearing about all those atrocities---and wondering when it would be my turn to go through that. A 6 year old does not need to hear about men having nails driven into their feet and women being gang-raped. For the love of Christ!!!! It was SICK!
Hope the spelling is okay. You guys have me paranoid about grammar and spelling.
i was in a very large assembly hall and explosions started occuring and rather than wanting to leave everyone stayed and chatted like whatever was happening out there was not going to affect them inside.
Several years ago I dreamed all the JW's were told to evacuate to a specified place and it was abundantly clear that I couldn't be included. Of course it was armageddon and I was left there to face the wrath of Jehovah. I woke up in a cold sweat, trembling.
My "career" as a door-knocker lasted from birth to age 18. I was never attacked verbally or physically. Once a man told a person in my car group that the next one who knocked on his door would be shot.
Will your wife continue to take them in field service on Saturdays when they start school?
in a thread posted by "whyizit", named..."what is most important to approach a j.w.
any current changes in w.t.?"......
a poster named "unique 1" made this comment...also, she may want to ask her study ladies why they had to change to the new song book about 20 years ago?
