When I read your therapist's comments, I tend to think that although he says that the JWs are a high control group, he doesn't completely understand the dynamics involved in leaving such a group. There were a few things that jumped out at me....
His advice right now is to back off totally on trying to help any others
Does he mean to stop posting on JWD? I agree that in order to actively help others, you have to be healed yourself. But so much of the help we give and receive on JWD is passive, imho. Just reading that others experience the same things we do, feel the same things we do, is sooo helpful.. it made me feel like I wasn't crazy, that I wasn't losing my mind, and that my experiences were totally normal given the situation I was in.
Working to heal yourself takes work, and actively going out and helping others leave before you have done the work is, imho, one way of avoiding the healing process and the work involved. But I think that JWD has contributed greatly to my healing.
As far as me feeling isolated and nearly friendless, he recommends going to JW meetings some, and really try to find points that I agree with. In other words, still do some JW meeting stuff for wife and son i.e. social reasons. I did admit that I had some really good friends at one time,
I also lost all my friends when I left the WT. I think that coming to the realization that these are conditional friends is truly a process. I didn't want to admit it at first. My friends were as true as they come, we had a lot in common and really respected each other as people and enjoyed each other's company. But their friendship (and especially the closeness that they allow to enter the friendship) is conditional upon my being an active JW. Unless you become an active, believing JW again (or go through all the motions), your close friends will no longer be close friends. If you still want to be friends with the JWs, invite them to dinner... to a movie... over for drinks. See if they come, or if they make excuses. If they come and you enjoy being with them, then great! If not, then find new friends. Easier said than done... I'm still looking... Divorce sucks... I have a great wife in so many ways, but somehow I don't things will ever be the same. Things will never be the same if you are out and she is in. But that doesn't mean that the marriage is over, unless that is what you both want. You had JW activities in common before... Meetings, service, and assemblies are NOT fun... If you can find things that you both enjoy, FUN things, and truly enjoy the time you have together, then maybe the lines of communication will open up again, too. Either way, it's worth a try if you're trying to salvage your marriage. Good luck to you... GGG |
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