Posts by Evanescence

13

Create A Religion

by joelbear in

jw
friends

mine is called nufefee mang mang and the followers are called mangists.. mang is a kind god, 1/3 male 1/3 female and 1/3 vegemale.

mang has no physical form but comes to followers in their dreams and while they are eating soup.

the swirling designs in soup are most often used to convey spiritual messages.. mang created the universe by chopping up the solid ungod thing and throwing it into the wind where it became all that is except for mang.. major tenets.. the purpose of life is living.. death is like poo poo.. we should all live in one big house with a pool.

Evanescence

lol! out of bordem I made a cult! its sort of a cross between Catholic and Jehovah's witnesses.

Its called the Craxy-bitey-Christian Cult.

My stupid theory!

Well before I yap on about nothing I would like to remind readers that I am absolutely hopeless at interpretating the bible and this is just some silly theory I made up! Now as you read this you will learn on what goes on in the mind of a 15 year old when trying to translate the meaning of the bible! So do not take this seriously or start to believe in this interpretation. Well here it goes….

GOD IS GONNA EAT US ALL!!!!!!!

Now your first reaction to that I bet would be WTF!!!!!!

Well let me explain my scary and quite disturbing interpretation of the bible and what put that idea in my mind!

Well I’ll start off with this first point

-God is perfect.

So that would only mean that he can only eat things that are perfect.

Look at Hebrews chapter twelve for starters.

The Chastise is the cooking pots my friends! He is purifying us so one day we will meet him face to face and god mentioned several times in the bible that there will be a great ‘feast’ in heaven

As I said earlier god is perfect and he tries to purify us, god is perfect so he must only eat ‘perfect’ food otherwise he is inserting something impure inside himself.

So this loving discipline from the lord is just added oil or butter to the fry pan to make us ‘good’ enough to eat!

Secondly why is Jesus always referring the good flock to food?

We think its just a parable explaining the wheat are the good and the weeds are the bad people, well I’ve discovered a double meaning.

Yes true the good people are the wheat and Jesus also mentioned in the parable that the wheat with be taken to the barn while the weeds get burned doesn’t this whole hell fire thing sounds a bit fishy to you?

I’ll tell you what this ‘hell fire’ is really a BBQ! Yep that’s what it is! A BBQ!

So on judgment day god will sought out his food and his firewood

The wheat will be part of god’s meal!

Also we have the seed story, the good seeds that grow in soil and the dodge seeds that fall on rock right?

Well what good is popcorn in seed form? Yucky! You’d rather ‘popped’ popcorn wouldn’t ya? See god has placed serving suggestions in the bible!

Now why is it that god doesn’t want us to worry much and to give our burdens on to him?

Well we all know with chickens that sense fear end up tensing their muscles god wants us to be all soft, nice and tender not all tensed!

Remember the righteous bare ‘fruit’ for god and if we were to stop bearing fruit god would shake us and demand more fruit!

Now you ask why would god eat us? He loves us!

Well my friend you have proven my point god loves us! Just like we love chocolate. Every time god says he loves us in the bible how do we know if he didn’t mean it in a way that we look sweet and yummy to eat!

Another question that may come to mind about my theory is then why would god be sad if one was to go to hell?

Well my response is we all hate seeing good food go to waste don’t we? So would a perfect god!

Goats and sheep, wheat or weeds….

So what will you be? Gods fire wood or gods meal?

This Cult of mine originated from here http://www.jwforum.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=2873&PN=2&TPN=10

The head of the cult is called the "Watchbite"

Now you know how crazy my imagination can get when I'm bored lol! don't worry i can come up with much worse!

Evanescence

6

How does things work?

by Evanescence in

jw
friends

i've noticed you all mention alot about p.o's c.o's and main elders and just plain elders then you have the watchtower.. just wondering how does things work in authority?

we have federal government, state government and mayors.. catholic church has, pope, vatican, cardinal, archbishop, bishop, priests, deacons and nuns.. soooooooooooo.

what are the positions in the jehovah'a witness religion????.

Evanescence

Hello!

I've noticed you all mention alot about P.O's C.O's and main elders and just plain elders then you have the Watchtower.

Just wondering how does things work in Authority? what i mean by this is,

We have Federal government, state government and mayors.

Catholic Church has, pope, vatican, Cardinal, Archbishop, Bishop, priests, deacons and nuns.

Soooooooooooo

What are the positions in the Jehovah'a Witness religion????

what do the P.O and C.O do????? I don't know if I got them all or if I missed something.

Also I don't quite get the Watchtowers connection with the Jehovah's Witnesses, what is the connection?

and what is the "governing body?" is that just the Watchtower peoples??

Sorry about all these questions lol!

Please help me out here,

Thanks

Evanescence

61

Back To School--School Uniforms, Good or Bad?

by horrible life in

jw
friends

we just got back from texas'.

they had their annual tax free weekend.

with hotel, gas, food, and shopping, we spent $1000.00 easy.

Evanescence

the cute Japanese School Girl kind.

I will feel like sailor moon!

My school has school uniform! it doesn't bother me much, but it does annoy others, but you get used to it!

I don't like the really ugly school uniform like a blue blazer with red stripes! ewwwww

My uniform is navy blue.

I just wear whatever is in my cuboard, and that means of cause not the latest fashion either, just jeans and a t-shirt, my clothes arn't all that great at all lol! also my uniform doesn't make me look so fat lol! I am glad n a way that we do have uniform, I am sick of bullying and peer pressure and clothing would just give the bullies another way of targeting you.

Yes its nice to have individuality, but school is for learning work has uniform so does schools, its sort of like a group belonging thing, it also helps the teachers to identify who is from the school and who is tresspassing also the same with exusions, your more likely to identify the students.

lol this is a common dabate topic at school! i had this topic debated in english several times!

Evanescence

7