Posts by dubstepped

18

Conditioned responses: Have you been conditioned to feel judged, or guilt etc that has spilled over into your exjw life?

by Diogenesister in

this youtuber, an exjw and psychologist, may be familiar to some of the old guard.. i'm posting for newer members really.

yet still, despite being out some time, it was a shock for me to realise that some of the crippling guilt i have felt over so much of my life, even long after being awake, was due to the dominant "conditioned response" i felt as a believer - guilt.. guilt that i could never do enough.

guilt that i was responsible for the life of anyone i didn't preach to...anyone i may have stumbled, anything i did that wasn't caring for the needs of others.. even my job i choose to fit in with trying to expunge the guilt i felt at not meeting the needs of others.

dubstepped

And good for you for realizing where the brainwashing was headed and not going there.

18

Conditioned responses: Have you been conditioned to feel judged, or guilt etc that has spilled over into your exjw life?

by Diogenesister in

this youtuber, an exjw and psychologist, may be familiar to some of the old guard.. i'm posting for newer members really.

yet still, despite being out some time, it was a shock for me to realise that some of the crippling guilt i have felt over so much of my life, even long after being awake, was due to the dominant "conditioned response" i felt as a believer - guilt.. guilt that i could never do enough.

guilt that i was responsible for the life of anyone i didn't preach to...anyone i may have stumbled, anything i did that wasn't caring for the needs of others.. even my job i choose to fit in with trying to expunge the guilt i felt at not meeting the needs of others.

dubstepped

@SIAR2 - I'm blanking on her name, but I think the author does the podcast called Happier. I never read the book but I took her quiz and listened to some of her episodes on the different archetypes. She isn't trying to put anyone in a box either, that's why they're called tendencies and not absolutes. I liked how she gave credence to the fact that we likely have all of the four in different areas of life, but one tends to be more present.

18

Conditioned responses: Have you been conditioned to feel judged, or guilt etc that has spilled over into your exjw life?

by Diogenesister in

this youtuber, an exjw and psychologist, may be familiar to some of the old guard.. i'm posting for newer members really.

yet still, despite being out some time, it was a shock for me to realise that some of the crippling guilt i have felt over so much of my life, even long after being awake, was due to the dominant "conditioned response" i felt as a believer - guilt.. guilt that i could never do enough.

guilt that i was responsible for the life of anyone i didn't preach to...anyone i may have stumbled, anything i did that wasn't caring for the needs of others.. even my job i choose to fit in with trying to expunge the guilt i felt at not meeting the needs of others.

dubstepped

It's easy to only see our experience and our side of anything and to think we had it worse. If you want to discuss that start a thread and I'd be happy to do so. In the end I don't think any of it is necessarily more, just different.

My dad was an asshole with zero empathy. Not a "sensitive type of man" like I am more of, and even he felt guilt. So much so that he could not take us fishing on a Saturday morning ever because he'd feel guilt if he wasn't there to lead the group in service. That's just one example. But you don't have to have a certain emotional makeup to feel guilt.

As a kid I felt guilt when I had to lead a group of older and smarter women out in the ministry just because I was a guy. I had so many expectations on me as a brother to be an example, to give x amount of talks, to show progress, to "reach out", etc. Sometimes people think that because we brothers had power that somehow we had it easy. With great power comes great responsibility, not just responsibility in how it's used, but responsibility as in burden.

In the end, like I said, it's not a matter of who had it worse, we just had it different between the males and females. Women maybe had more familial pressure, men more congregational. It all sucked.

18

Conditioned responses: Have you been conditioned to feel judged, or guilt etc that has spilled over into your exjw life?

by Diogenesister in

this youtuber, an exjw and psychologist, may be familiar to some of the old guard.. i'm posting for newer members really.

yet still, despite being out some time, it was a shock for me to realise that some of the crippling guilt i have felt over so much of my life, even long after being awake, was due to the dominant "conditioned response" i felt as a believer - guilt.. guilt that i could never do enough.

guilt that i was responsible for the life of anyone i didn't preach to...anyone i may have stumbled, anything i did that wasn't caring for the needs of others.. even my job i choose to fit in with trying to expunge the guilt i felt at not meeting the needs of others.

dubstepped

@LHG - Are you saying that the women were made to feel guilty and not the men? Maybe I mistook what you said.

Anyway, absolutely. A life of "never being enough" is to live as a JW. I ended up suicidal thinking something must have been wrong with me because despite my best efforts I couldn't keep up with their expectations.

We all received those messages. It was constant. Do more, be more, give more.

There's a book out now called "The Four Tendencies" and I took the quiz and realized that rather than being a "questioner" I'm actually much more an "oblige". In our business we do great work for our clients but often at the expense of ourselves. I was conditioned not to say no. So guilt led me to do many things that I didn't want to do. We worked today and didn't have to, but we offered out of obligation and guilt.

25

Ex-Jehovah's Witness Recovering Group 3 and This Site

by dubstepped in

jw
friends

i don't remember seeing it ever really talked about here but the facebook group with the namesake of this post shut down at the end of march.

it was archived and they weren't clear as to when or if they would come back.

it seemed to come out of nowhere, and i know a lot of people were disappointed.

dubstepped

If you go to the Facebook group there's some measure of explanation. I believe it was run by a guy named Ruben (sp?) and several mods. They had rules and I think it took quite a bit of work as people didn't follow them. A Facebook group can be as much work as you want depending on the rules you create. They had a vision and carried it out.

From what I gather many of the people running it were just getting busy in their own lives outside the exjw community. I know they said that they were taking a much needed break. I guess they can always reopen it. I know one person involved and offered to possibly get involved myself. I don't know that I could run it though. I liked the idea of having the opportunity to find out what was involved. I'm sure it's way more than any of us knows. I know they had issues with dubs coming in and starting stuff or trying to put people. Someone tried to out me. I was already out though.

That's all I really know. I posted there at times to help someone or share my podcasts. I actually ran across old friends there and reconnected. Pretty cool. There's one benefit to more transparency, I guess.

25

Ex-Jehovah's Witness Recovering Group 3 and This Site

by dubstepped in

jw
friends

i don't remember seeing it ever really talked about here but the facebook group with the namesake of this post shut down at the end of march.

it was archived and they weren't clear as to when or if they would come back.

it seemed to come out of nowhere, and i know a lot of people were disappointed.

dubstepped

I don't remember seeing it ever really talked about here but the Facebook group with the namesake of this post shut down at the end of March. It was archived and they weren't clear as to when or if they would come back. So far they haven't. It seemed to come out of nowhere, and I know a lot of people were disappointed. That group has 11,000+ members, and it closed down right around the Memorial no less. I personally thought it was just awful. I remember some other site shut down last year and many people came here missing their "home" online. It has to be kind of traumatic for people that have lost so much already to suddenly have a place where they start to feel comfortable get ripped away from them yet again.

I do a podcast once a month and it's a lot of work. Reaching out to people, scheduling interviews, recording the interviews, editing, getting information, creating posts for my site, notes for each episode, uploading them to my host, uploading audio files, waiting for iTunes to index, writing something to put out as a release for each one at the various places I advertise new episodes, answering questions, emails back and forth with people, responding to comments, putting out things to get interest on social channels and responding to comments there, keeping my site built and getting rid of spam comments and approving good ones, I could probably go on. And that's for one episode monthly.

So now let's get to this site. It's been around for a long time. From what I gather Simon has basically built a lot of this custom himself. He, as far as I know, seems to be the only mod. So you know he gets a ton of messages and problems between people here to deal with. I don't know what he does exactly behind the scenes but my guess is there's some SEO involved and other things to keep up with. Props to Simon for keeping this place open while so many others fold. I think it's cool when someone pops up that posted a decade or more ago and that says "hi" again. Sure, I didn't know them, but it's cool that this place is still around so that people can do that.

It isn't easy being an ex-JW. It isn't easy staying involved in the ex-JW community. Sometimes we all just want to get away from it. Some choose to and just disappear, leaving people high and dry. Others give people time to find a new home but it is still hard. Places like this will always be needed as online homes for people finding their way out. A safe place to unload and find someone that understands when everyone around you is blind and you can't point it out for fear of repercussions.

So thank you to Simon, and to your wife as well who I think does things behind the scenes or just supports you in this (I don't know who does what), because it isn't easy and you're truly helping people. This place was a lifesaver for me. I can still remember how terrified I was to read here the first time, and how blown away I was when I realized that you guys saw the same stuff that I did. It wasn't perfect for me, as I wasn't ready for everything that came at me, but it has become a home of sorts. I can leave. I can go away and maybe come back in a decade. Simon is here through it all. I just wanted to say "thanks", and hope a public message like this lightens the load a bit.

75

Why Are Schools Targets Of So Much Gun Violence?

by Brokeback Watchtower in

why are so many youth flipping out and gunning down fellow students?

is there something seriously wrong with society?

does the public education/indoctrination system need some serious tweaking?

dubstepped

For all of the chatter from the left that the right was separating people by race you'd almost fail to realize how much they are doing it by class/economic status. Neither is better.

75

Why Are Schools Targets Of So Much Gun Violence?

by Brokeback Watchtower in

why are so many youth flipping out and gunning down fellow students?

is there something seriously wrong with society?

does the public education/indoctrination system need some serious tweaking?

dubstepped

I do think it has something to do with the media. Infamous is still famous. You're an outcast kid with what feels like a nothing life, and you can instantly be a "somebody" and leave your mark, however horrific it is. You'll be on TV, the source of discussion possibly for much longer than 15 minutes. People will know your name. If nobody paid any attention to this I wonder what would happen. Of course, it's big ratings, big money, and people are just as hooked on getting every detail of this real life soap opera and wouldn't want some part of it to go away. It's something to talk about, rally around, has become a political point, etc.

16

Cults and extreme belief

by Butyoucanneverleave in

a&e has a new show this season called cults and extreme belief.

the second episode will air on 5/29 at 9:00 pm and jehovah's witnesses will be featured.

hopefully they do a good job exposing them for what they really are.

dubstepped

Crap! I just realized that Playstation Vue doesn't carry A&E, even on their most premium packages. I hope someone records it and puts it up somewhere like rutube. That's how I watched the Scientology series with Leah Remini. Or maybe I need to find a friend to watch it with that night that has normal cable.

32

What’s your favorite "News" website?

by Wonderment in

news in general are supposed to be unbiased.

but given how commercial and political interests get their tentacles around them, finding a fully unbiased news website is not so easy.. here in america some would rather trust bbc or reuters than they do cnn or fox news.

any favorites?.

dubstepped

Facebook. If it's on there you know it's true because now they are weeding out anything that goes against their agenda, I mean anything that's fake.

I avoid the news as much as possible. My life is much happier. If something catches my attention I'll read a Fox report and a CNN report and a BBC and then see all of the obvious biases and try to get to the facts behind the slanted versions given.