When I was first df'd, my now x told me he was afraid that I was going to cheat on him (in so many words) now that I had decided I didn't believe in "the truth" anymore. He said that if I didn't believe in God or what the bible has to say, what would hold me back from doing something like that. I gave him an example of an atheist and what holds them back from committing murder, stealing, committing adultery. I said that just because someone does not believe in God or the bible, doesn't mean that they don't have their own set of morals to go on and don't know right from wrong. Besides, there are MANY christians who commit violent crimes in the name of God or the bible. It actually made him think...
confuzzlediam
JoinedPosts by confuzzlediam
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"So you are an atheist. So would you kill me if it were to your advantage?"
by OnTheWayOut ini worked a different shift.
i knew the people i worked with, but not as well as i could have.. anyway, religion comes up.
one guy mentions in front of another that i wrote a book about my religious experience.
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A big hello and thank you
by iwasblind ini just wanted to introduce myself and say a big hello to all of my mentally diseased friends.. i say friends because i have been lurking for some time so it feels like home (us lurkers are a bit scared and cautious so it takes a while).
i won't bore you with too many details, but i am a born in, currently serving as the cobe of a congregation.
my wife and i have pioneered for the last 10 years and were shaken awake by that ridiculous 15th july 2013 wt about the generation and 1914.. my wife who is much smarter than me has questioned for years.
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confuzzlediam
Welcome to our group!! I really don't have any words of wisdom to share with you, other than to say welcome and SO glad to have you here!! I have been df'd for a little over 5 years and while I was trying to get reinstated, for family reasons, I too was shaken over the new changes. Mine was the WT that mentioned those of the anointed who remained here on earth when armageddon came would be taken up into heaven...aka the rapture. I remember leaving the hall that day with a headache and my mind swimming, but also with a greater understanding that this is NOT "the truth". As soon as I left the hall I called my now x to tell him what I had just heard and that I was reeling from it all. Up to that point I had doubts, but after that point I knew I never wanted to be part of it again.
Again, welcome to the forum!!
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My Son is 21 Today!
by yodastar inwell what a great day!
to see my son reach 21 and be a well rounded man free of guilt and fear by not being raised in a cult (well from 5 yrs on) is amazing.
to able to ring your child and wish him happy birthday and congratulate him is a fantastic thing for any parent.
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confuzzlediam
How fun!! My daughter turned 21 last month. I feel the same way about her...she is an amazingly beautiful young woman and I am so proud of who she is becoming. She graduated in March with an Associate's Degree and is going to the local university this fall for her Bachelor's Degree. My x-sil and I took my daughter out for drinks a couple of days after her birthday and had a blast!! She too is free of the guilt that I grew up with and I couldn't be more happy for her!
Cheers!!
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New on here
by Tony Stark inhey so i'm new on here.
just wanted to introduce myself.
in my 20's and was rasied one, and very popular among the jw community.
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confuzzlediam
Welcome to the group Tony!! I have been df'd for 5 years. Not my choosing at the time (long story). I tried to go back several times to get reinstated, but could never go long enough to even turn in a letter. I tried to go back because my now x was still in and his family would not include me in any of their family activities. SO I would go for 2-3 months at a time and would start to get anxiety ridden at the thought of having to meet with the elders. I stopped believing and was only going back for my x's family. My anxiety built because I could not bare to sit in front of elders who wrongfully disfellowshipped me and tell them that I loved Jah and wanted to come back to the org. I knew in my heart that I would have to lie and could not bring myself to do it.
It was difficult adjusting to life outside of the org. I found a GREAT group of friends who helped in the transition. I filed for divorce almost a year ago and have narrowed my social group down even further, since we were pretty close with my x's family and friends.
I started classes at our local community college last fall and am loving every minute of it. Well, except for this week, cuz I am cramming for finals that are due next week!! But I am meeting new people and have even formed new friendships through school.
As far as going back to meetings to get reinstated, you need to do what is best for you. Personally, I am glad that I never went back long enough to get reinstated. I am free to live life as I want now and it is awesome!! Good luck to you!! Hope to see more from you in the future!
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Secret disfellowshipping
by disillusioned 2 ini always thought it was ridiculous that when a person was disfellowshipped they didn't tell us why.
everybody would speculate, but we wouldn't know the real reason.
also i thought they were only supposed to be disfellowshipped if they weren't repentant and wouldn't stop doing the wrong thing.
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confuzzlediam
Stuckinarut2 "What if they just didn't know that person properly, or didn't like or understand them?"
This was EXACTLY the case with my experience. The two elders who "interviewed" us were not in our cong. One was from the cong that shared our hall, the other was a sub CO who lived 2 1/2 hours away. The 3rd elder did know me. I aux. pioneered with him and his wife just a couple of years prior to this happening. Point is, these elder's didn't know anything about my past. They were all younger than me and had no clue who I was.
When an old friend of my dad's, who was an elder in our cong at the time, called me to find out what was going on, he told me that he wished he would have been on my committee because he knew me and knew that I was not the person these other elders were making me out to be.
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confuzzlediam
SafeAtHome YES!! I couldn't agree more! SO much has changed in just the 5 years that I have been out. My parents have even made comments about all of the changes and how disappointed they are. It's NOT the same religion and is becoming almost unrecognizable. The JW.org signs that are on all of the fronts of the KH's now is sickening to me. I told my mom that I feel like they are branding the religion now. She agreed.
William Penwell I was very sad when they stopped using live piano players in the KH for the kingdom melodies. I loved the personal touches that the pianists would put into the music. Playing at a convention would have been awesome!!
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Average Age of this Forum?
by Garrett inheyo!.
i'm quite interested in knowing the average age of those of us who use this forum.
i made a quick strawpoll that you can find at the following link: http://strawpoll.me/4340636 just pick an age and click "vote" if you wish to participate.. admins: if this breaks any rules, i apologize in advance..
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confuzzlediam
I am 44 and have been on here for about 5 years. -
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Hello, just introducing myself
by Miss Behaving ini've just signed up two days ago, but i've been lurking for about a year and a half.
here's my story if you're interested:.
my parents converted when they were in their first semester of college.
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confuzzlediam
Welcome to the forum Miss Behaving!! Your post brought me to tears. SO proud of you for standing up and having the courage to say something!! Such a brave thing to do! Reminds me of the song "Brave" by Sarah Bareilles.
I was wrongfully disfellowshipped 5 years ago, filed for divorce from a 25 year marriage last summer and started back to school at our local community college last fall. Isn't college fun?? OH MY GOSH!! I LOVE learning! Can't believe I waited till I was 43 to go back! I am a straight A student, something I honestly had no idea was in me. If you have the opportunity, look to see if your college offers a Critical Reasoning class. I am taking it this quarter and it has been life changing for me. I am also looking at taking a Comparative Religion class in the fall, with the same teacher as my Critical Reasoning class.
SO happy that you have a MUCH earlier start than I had. I am giving my kids (ages 17 and 21) that early start as well. They are both in college and living lives outside the org. Life is good out here! LOL
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Secret disfellowshipping
by disillusioned 2 ini always thought it was ridiculous that when a person was disfellowshipped they didn't tell us why.
everybody would speculate, but we wouldn't know the real reason.
also i thought they were only supposed to be disfellowshipped if they weren't repentant and wouldn't stop doing the wrong thing.
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confuzzlediam
My case was a bit different. I was being accused of being a drunkard after a LONG investigation into a night out with some in the congregation. There were elders who came in from other congregations, some as far as 2 hours away to meet with the various brothers and sisters in the group whose conduct was in question. By the time they got to interview my then husband and I, many had told the elders that both my husband and I had been drunk on the night in question. We went to the meeting armed with info from the watchtower and said we were not drunk that on the night in question. I made the mistake of saying that I knew I was not drunk that night because I did not throw up. Well, apparently that was the wrong thing to say. They then began to ask me how many times I had thrown up from drinking, when was the last time I had thrown up from drinking and what was I going to do to correct it. The "interview" then turned into an impromptu judicial committee meeting as there was a third elder in waiting.
LONG LONG story...but I refused to give in and say that I was a drunkard when I clearly did not have a problem with drinking. All of my friends and family were willing to vouch for me, even my kids! I was 39 and while I had been drunk in the past on occasion, I was by no means a drunkard. It was when they asked me if I felt stabbed in the heart like David did for going against God's laws, I said yes I do feel a stabbing, but it is not in the heart, more like in the back by my "friends". They also compared getting drunk with committing adultery. Just one time of committing adultery was a sin, so therefore getting drunk just one time was also a sin and needed to be taken to the elders. After being asked what I was going to do to make sure I didn't get drunk again, I said before I answer that, let me ask you, how much is too much to drink? I asked why they drank and wanted to know at what point in drinking that I needed to stop before I had sinned against God.
Needless to say, they disfellowshipped me. I was considered unrepentant because I would not admit to my being called a drunkard. That was 5 years ago this last January. We appealed it, to no avail. My friends and family were in shock as they all knew me. Letters were sent into the WT headquarters by my parents and other friends, only to be either unanswered or were told that there was nothing to be done about it.
SO I guess what I am trying to get at, is sometimes people are wrongfully disfellowshipped. It was that I was not what they were accusing me of, so I didn't feel the need to repent for it. I questioned them, which I found out the hard way, that you do NOT do!! All in all, there were 6 who were publicly reproved because they admitted to being drunk on the night in question, 3 others were DF'd for various other reasons that came up in their interviews. Only 2 of the 4 who were disfellowshipped were reinstated. Myself and my x-SIL are still disfellowshipped and are still best friends!!
Would I change the way I reacted?? NOPE!! Not at all. No regrets. I am a much happier person now. I am finally free to think for myself and not how they want me to act or think. I am NOT the bad person that they labeled me to be. I am actually a good person and I am finally living the life that I always longed for.
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confuzzlediam
This actually makes me a little sad. There was a time where, even though I was not 100% in, I loved my brother's and sister's in my cong and would have LOVED to have experienced something like this. I LONGED for things like this to happen at the kingdom hall. I would hear about other church's that had live music and thought that would be SO COOL to have. Something to brighten up a hum drum meeting, something to make me WANT to go and take my kids to.
Don't get me wrong, I am VERY happy to be where I am NOW and will not ever go back. But I remember a time when I was happy as a witness and I guess I miss my friends and family that I experienced those happy times with. sigh....