Hello, just introducing myself

by Miss Behaving 62 Replies latest jw friends

  • Miss Behaving
    Miss Behaving


    I've just signed up two days ago, but I've been lurking for about a year and a half. Here's my story if you're interested:

    I'm a born-in. My parents converted when they were in their first semester of college. They dropped out to pioneer because the end was so close in the 80s. Dad became an elder, and they raised a family, of which I'm the youngest.

    I was baptized at 10. My parents wanted me to wait until 16, but I was a strange, religious little kid and they let me. I'd pioneer every summer, commented and gave talks, although it seemed like the better I got at them, the less I was assigned.

    If you ever meet me in person, you'll find I don't talk much. Instead of socializing and watching tv, I spent almost all of the time I wasn't preaching, reading. I read through every publication we had, the bible about 6 or 7 times (I'd track starting and ending dates do 5 chapters a day and finish every 8 months) the Insight Books, All Scriptures Inspired, and some of the older ones like, Babylon the Great has Fallen, The Harp of God, and The Nations Shall Know that I Am Jehovah. As you can see, I clearly wasted my childhood.

    I found this site when I was trying to find out what the new publication were. I used to be very excited about the new releases. I used to wonder, will this be the year I'm finally able to understand the whole bible? I was especially interested in prophecy, and was very disappointed when the new books about Jeremiah and the minor prophets were only about behavior modification.

    Anyways, when I found this site, and first I felt smugly vindicated, like everything the society said about apostates were true. They were bitter, hateful, lost, and unhappy. With the confidence that my divine knowledge would protect me, I began reading a thread every once in a while. It was strangely exciting to be doing something so taboo, and I became an apologist in my head, refuting each accusation against God's organization.

    Then one day a post directed me to JWfacts, and in a week of devouring the contents of that website, my entire faith fell apart. I couldn't refute the clear logic and facts that were presented. I obtained Crisis of Conscience, and Combating Cult Mind Control. I would destroy each page as I read them so my secret wouldn't be discovered. After that, every meeting and publication only confirmed what I had learned, and I began reading through this forum with a little more respect and humility.

    I don't really want to talk about what happened next because the memories are still fresh and painful. Basically, I wasn't able to pretend, I'd feel physically ill before each meeting and I stopped service. I finally told my parents, and submitted a letter of disassociation. Instead of working with me, I became a problem they just wanted to go away. I became homeless, I lost my friends, my entire family, and my fiance. After a very difficult year, I'm now finishing my first semester of community college, working two minimum wage jobs and sleeping in someone's hallway.

    It's been hard. But what I'm discovering is that the world I had been taught to hate can be incredibly kind. I'm learning the extent of my ignorance. I hate what happened, but I wouldn't trade my new freedom for anything. The freedom to think and believe whatever I wish is very precious to me now. I also feel damned lucky to be young enough to make a different life for myself.

    Well, I guess that's all. Hope it was helpful for someone.

  • cofty

    Hi and thank you for sharing such an inspiring story.

    Welcome to the forum.

    You have made a clean break and I'm sure it hurt a lot but that has enabled you to begin rebuilding.

    Congratulations and best wishes for the rest of your college course and career.

    I wouldn't trade my new freedom for anything

    This ^^^^

  • Doctor Who
    Doctor Who
    Welcome to the board. I a happy you found freedom. I wish I found what you did at your age. Unfortunately, I am in my mid 40's stuck with all this bs. Good luck on your life's journey!
  • PlatinumFix
    Thank you for sharing your story.
  • OneEyedJoe

    Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear that you've had such harsh retribution taken out upon you for the sole crime of daring to live an honest life with integrity. It's such a shame and is treatment that no one deserves. If you ever feel like talking more privately, feel free to message me for a listening ear. I'd love to help if I can.

    It's stories like yours that serve to remind everyone just what this cult is. It DOES destroy families. It DOES cause people immense pain. It's not the harmless, benign group that they love to paint themselves as and it causes very real pain to thousands (maybe millions) every day.

    I hope you can take solace in the fact that you're by no means alone in what you're dealing with, and there are many here that have been through what you're in now and came out the other side. You'll make it through too. Just keep going and start building your new support network and your new life. The possibilities are endless from here on out!

  • flipper
    MISS BEHAVING- Welcome to the board, Nice to have you here. Although I'm sorry that you've experienced the shunning and ill treatment for only wanting to think for yourself- I'm glad that you cherish your freedom of mind. That's how I felt back in 2003 when I stopped attending at age 44 after being born and raised in a very devout JW family as well. And I was the youngest child of 4 of us kids too. LOL. I'm the only sibling that escaped ! Please know that we are here as a support system for you and many of us here do understand. We've lived it and many still are. But we are survivors of a mind control cult. We have our minds intact and our freedom. What more could we ask for ? Hang in there my friend, it will get better in time. Take care and congratulations on getting a college degree ! You are to be high fived and given kudos ! I'm proud of you
  • freemindfade
    Welcome. I can assure you that once you get things together. Being on this side of it is not a bitter. Hateful. Unhappy place. It's because it's only when we revisit what imprisoned us anger comes up. And thor things may manifest. But really. I can't tell you how much happier and peaceful a person I am since breaking my mind out. When I run into things like my spouse and family acting crazy towards me. It makes me very sad. But it's part of the mechanics of the org. So I'm a not butter towards them. Or hateful. I try to be a good example of an "apostate" and hopefully some will see its not the monstrosity we've been made out to be. Again welcome
  • Splash

    JWFacts strikes again!

    New light - JWFacts is the enemy that sowed the field with weeds.

    Welcome Miss B!

  • Syme

    Miss Behaving,

    You have a very touching story. Lots of people here can understand you, and have gone through similar trials.

    I am very surprised that you quickly made a clean-cut stance on the issue. I myself haven't made it to the last step (DA) yet, so I know you did something really brave.

    Welcome to the forum, and keep posting :)

  • Alive!

    You are courageous - and today you inspired me.

    You are so right regarding the wonderful qualities and self sacrificing acts of kindness that can be experienced outside of "congregation".

    Bless you.

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