Yes Mayflower, I know exactly what you are saying. Even though our logical mind can point out to us the right course, our emotions are still programmed to respond in a certain way--I guess this is the brainwashing part. We were trained to think of people with doubts as being weak and or wicked and we now assume this about ourselves even though it makes no logical sense to us. When I first found this site just a couple of months ago I spent hours (you can see all the posts I wrote) on the computer reading and processing. I needed validation of what I was feeling from others who could understand what I was going through. There was no one else at the time I could talk to, esp not any active JWs. People who haven't experienced life in the Org don't understand it totally either. So I think it's good to connect with sites like this even if we are all out here floating around in cyber-space--it helps the process and gives a certain degree of support that we probably couldn't find elsewhere. The best to you. It is not an easy journey, but it is worth it to find yourself.
cyber-sista
JoinedPosts by cyber-sista
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bad.bad.bad.
by mayflower inanyone else feel down right bad and evil for leaving the org dispite what their heart and conscience and better judgement tells them?
i've been inactive for about....oh....since october anyway and have gradually been letting friends and family know about it.
after every conversation i feel really guilty and selfish and i have to sit down and reassure myself that i'm doing the best thing for me.
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IEmpty feeling
by Ray6 iniam a jw right now, and iam on public reproof.
the problem is: even before i was reproved, i did not feel like i was apart of a loving family, i did not feel or see true love in the org., i felt empty after every meeting, as if i sat in a business recruitment course or weekly business seminar.
i feel a lot of the poeple there, especially the elders are backstabbers.
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cyber-sista
I felt empty after every meeting, as if I sat in a business recruitment course or weekly business seminar.
That is because that is exactly what it is. It is a business--a book publishing company and real estate investment corporation controlling religious cult. I had been out for a bit, but not really knowing everything. I just found this all out a couple of month ago myself--was in shock--angry--feeling ripped off. It has worn off a bit, but still a lot of issues. It's a lot to deal with all at once, but slowly some sense of normalcy begin to creep back into your life. It's hard to leave family and friends behind, but you have to do what you know is right. Sorry Ray, it is not easy, but it is possible and the freedom is worth it. Read the posts here and you will see that many are recovering to one degree or another and that helps a lot. There is a lot of help out there--seek it.
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The New and Improved JWs Now With 3 classes of Christians!
by XQsThaiPoes inthe study articles are amazing.
i can't tell if anyone caught it but they are ground breakingly incompetent.
the have redefined 1914, the anointed, fds and the "evil slave".
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cyber-sista
a little off the subject, but this subject triggered this memory:
About ten years ago there was a JW I knew (an elders wife) who claimed to be of a special earthly class. She claimed there were several who felt this way and they had formed some kind of a group and had figured it out from the scriptures--had something to do with the 3 keys to the kingdom: 1 being the annointed 2. being them and 3 being the great crowd. Anyway, they had it all figured out and felt there was even gong to be a special area where they would be ruling from--maybe near the equator. After the bit "A" they were to be the leaders the god ruled goverment on earth. Sounded weird at the time--sounds insane and delusional now...
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Introduction
by indoubt ini am new to this discussion forum and i wanted to introduce myself.
my story is rather ordinary when compared to other members of this board.. first of, i am still a baptized (irregular) jw.
as many jws, i started having doubts when viewing the dateline show regarding child molestation withing the jws.
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cyber-sista
Welcome Indoubt,
Yikes, I could feel the stress surrounding that upcoming elders meeting. I have been exiting the Org for less than a year now and have been approached several times by elders to "talk" I talked to them a couple of years ago over about a situation that wasn't even their business (I had commited no sin) but I found out how controlling they can be. . Don't let them interrogate you. I know ones who have been up before the elders with similiar situations and the elders want to know all the details (or the ones around here did) questions such as where did you touch her? did you touch her breast or genitilia-- and then made them describe every minute detail of the encounter...It seemed perverted to me and it is dehumanizing to say the least. If you do decide to meet with them and they try to give you the third degree I would suggest you tell them that out of RESPECT to your wife and the sacredness of your relationship you are not into going into the details about such private matters. I believe in the long run she will respect you for protecting her dignity despite the consequences.
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Anyone Here of the Anointed?
by confusedjw in.
has or is anyone here of the anointed?.
i would like to know more about the abba father thing in which those of the anointed "know" for certain without a shadow of a doubt they are chosen as jesus brothers..
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cyber-sista
I've never met one that was on an ego trip.
The general rule seems to be that it's a most humbling experience, and leaves it's mark.I have seen different in some cases. At one time we had a handful of annointed ones in one of my previous congo--mostly sisters in their 40s and a couple of brothers who moved in and out. One sister commented to me that she always observed over the years that these younger annointed ones didn't have good marriages and felt that escaping to heaven was one of their only options to get away from their spouses (this was a sister who was always getting herself in trouble for thinking "out of the box"). Others in the congo did seem to cater to these ones and from what I observed they did become rather puffed up with their positions--always had a lot of advice to offer about what movies we should and should not watch, etc. Seems like many took their advice seriously, because after all they were going to be ruling over them in heaven one day. Hard to think that this wouldn't cause some visions of grandeur among these special "chosen" ones
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nightmares
by in a new york bethel minute ini grew up having nightmares about armageddon, satan and, most of all jehovah.
i am 25 now and i still get nightmares, and they're always about these same things.
i was wondering if my brain is overactive, or if other people on this site get nightmares about things they learned as a witness.
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cyber-sista
I just had one last night. I was going to a the memorial at the KH, but I didn't want to at all and I was feeling horrible being there like I was trapped, but then I said to myself--remember you don't have to do this for anyone else. Later in the dream I was back at the KH and feeling horrible again--this time it was kind of all disconnected--the hall was rather dusty and I was having another disconnnected conversation with a group of sister about saw dust or woodchips--basically about nothing--I felt bored and frustrated in my dream and wanted to get away from this irratating conversation. I woke up feeling depressed and have had a headache most of the day...
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touched by a circuit overseer
by in a new york bethel minute inhi im new here... this is my first new post.. first off, ever notice how packed the hall gets when jesus i meannnnnn the circuit overseer comes to visit?
why do people try so hard to impress him?
can he get our dead relatives out of purgatory?
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cyber-sista
The bros here could only wear solid colors shirts--not designs whatsoever even subtle and in the best of taste--solid and light colored was the rule.
Had one touchy feely elders aways patting me on the back or give you the old coach-like punch in the arm. I don't mind being touched, but this old punch and pat routine felt rather age inappropriate as I am a woman and not a kid. Otherwise, the bros were a pretty stiff bunch.
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Why I don't celebrate Easter. Warning: pity party going on in this thread
by CeriseRose ini think back to when i was a kid...a non-jw one.
easter was the time of new dresses, chocolate bunnies (you had to bite the ears off first to make sure it was the solid kind), ham with the little cloves stuck right in it, and peaceful family time.. during my jw years i didn't 'celebrate' it, but it slowly but surely became a 'family' time.
my flesh and blood sister (jw) and all my step family (non-jw) would congregate at the parents' place and we'd play games and eat and laugh.
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cyber-sista
I am feeling rather emotional after reading this because my mom died about 7 years ago while I was still a JW and I have thought of that a lot lately since I have exited the Org. I don't think she ever forgave me for being a JW and not celebrating the holidays and all the family gatherings we could have shared all those years. We didn't have a great relationship as it was, and throw the whole JW thing into the picture for the 20 years of my adult life and we never had a chance to heal anything as a family as I had to remain separate from her in many senses because of my selfish religion. I wanted it to be right for all of us, but just didn't know how and thought the religion would heal this, but it just caused more pain in the end.
It is never easy for anyone to lose their mom no matter what the circumstances. I have many regrets, but need to carry on as I know if my mom were here and we could have healed together she would've wanted me to be happy. The loss of faith is another big one, which I am presently dealing with too, so I understand what you are saying there. It is a loss--a big one and much like a death and with all the complications surrounding it. So, at present I join you in your pity party--wish we could sit down and share a cup of tea sending you a cyber cup with and hugs
cybs
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~Something special for all of you at JWD~
by FlyingHighNow ini was listening to this song on my way home from work today.
it's a beautiful song.
i had not really listened to its lyrics since i had been set free from the org.
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cyber-sista
Thank you..love it...going to look for this one in my Cd catalog....I need to recapture these sorts of feelings again--I used to have them a long time ago...
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Dubs and marijuana
by gumby inyears ago, drugs were classified as "pharmakia"(greek for druggery).. the watchwer did a good job in convincing others that since the pagans used drugs in their spiritistic practices......then drugs were bad......marijuana included......... they invited demons.
recently i heard comments from dubs that medical use of marijuana would be permissable since it wouldn't be breaking the law.. the question is......why the change in classification if this is indeed true?.
gumby
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cyber-sista
It always bothered me that I knew so many JWs who were stoned out on prescription drugs and yet you would be Dfd in a minute for marajuana. I am sure that this is still the case in many congos. From what I have experienced it doesn't always matter what the society says--it is the elders in the congo that have the final say on things. If you are in a congo with elders who think that marajuana attracks the demon hoards, it is most likely they will not allow it despite the medical reasons or laws. I wrote a letter from the society on another issue and received one back in my favor, but the elders still refuted it and continued to follow their own inclinations (through the leadings of the holy spirit they said)