My 4-year-old son was in the car with his dad, who happened to be listening to a frank Sinatra CD, when they got home my son had got one of the songs stuck in his head and began singing it??I get no kicks from champagne??I get a kick into you?!!!!
Posts by pudd
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22Let's hear some funny sayings that kids come out with !
by hubert inthanks, rabbit, you gave me the idea.. kids will come out with the funniest sayings, even though they themselves are serious when they say them.
like my grandaughter, whose 8 years old:.
while i am driving my "new " toyota she says to me, "grandpa, in a few years, are you going to get another car and get rid of this one"?
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9
Single Woman
by pudd insingle woman
a woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb.
can of coffee, and a 1 lb.
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pudd
Some have told me that I do not have a sense of humour. However my best brined and I have the ability to find ourselves falling on the floor laughing uncontrollably while others look on in confusion just not getting the point! Humour is a strange thing!
My husband and I do not share the same sense of humour at all but he once told me a joke that had me giggling for days; A man walks into a bar??.. and said ouch!!
This joke about the single woman was funny for the same reason; it plays a trick on the mind. I in no way think that ?ugly? woman are a subject to make fun of, I am no oil painting myself.
Hope it didn?t cause ant offence!
Pudd xxx
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Single Woman
by pudd insingle woman
a woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb.
can of coffee, and a 1 lb.
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pudd
Single Woman A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was equally intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off her drunken observer to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?" The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."
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nag nag nag!
by pudd inan attorney got home late one evening after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for a client, named wilbur wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight.
his last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling tired and depressed.
as soon as he got through the door his wife started on about, "what time of night do you call this?
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pudd
An attorney got home late one evening after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for a client, named Wilbur Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight.
His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling tired and depressed. As soon as he got through the door his wife started on about, "What time of night do you call this? Where have you been?" and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a very large whisky and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub... pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks.
While he was in the bath the phone rang, which the wife answered and was told that her husband's client had been granted his stay of execution after all.Realizing what a day he must have had, she relented a little and went upstairs to give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door she was greeted by the sight of her husband's rear view as he bent over naked drying his legs and feet.
"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.The attorney whirled around and screamed hysterically, "For crying out loud woman, don't you ever stop?"
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Jesus in the cafe
by pudd inan irishman in a wheel chair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee.
the waitress nodded, so the englishman said to give jesus a cup of hot tea, my treat.. .
" the waitress nodded, so the redneck said to give jesus a cold glass of coke, on his bill.. .
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pudd
An Irishman in a wheel chair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress
nodded "yes," so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.
The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?"
The waitress nodded, so the Englishman said to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, my treat.
The third patron to come into the restaurant was a redneck on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered,
jesus in a cafe"Hey there, sweet thang, How's about gettin' me a cold glass of Coke!"
He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Redneck said to give Jesus a cold glass of coke, on his bill.
As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed."
The Irishman felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.
Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Englishman felt his back straightening up, and he rose up his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.
Then Jesus walked towards the redneck. The redneck jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me! I'm drawin' disability!" -
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Bush joke!
by pudd ingeorge w. bush meets with the queen of england.
he asks her, "your majesty, how do you run such an efficient government?
are there any tips you can give to me?".
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pudd
George W. Bush meets with the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"
"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"
The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligence riddle."
The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"
Tony Blair walks into the room. "Yes, my Queen?"
The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, "That would be me."
Yes! Very good," says the Queen.
Back at the White House, Bush asks to speak with vice president Dick Cheney. "Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," says the vice president. "Let me get back to you on that one."
Dick Cheney goes to his advisors and asks every one, but none can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall.
Dick shouts, "Colin! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Colin Powell yells back, "That's easy. It's me!"
Dick Cheney smiles. "Thanks!"
Cheney goes back to the Oval Office and to speak with Bush. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Colin Powell."
Bush gets up, stomps over to Dick Cheney, and angrily yells into his face, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!" -
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Newbie here.. am looking for JW friends.. anyone??
by sister jen inhi im jen.. if anyone wan't to be my friend, even through emails or chat you will really be appriciated.. here's my email add.. [email protected]
thanks.. well i guess you'll just be seing me around here..
jah bless!!
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pudd
welcome to the board Outflow!
LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING MORE FROM YOU SOON.
PUDD
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Newbie here.. am looking for JW friends.. anyone??
by sister jen inhi im jen.. if anyone wan't to be my friend, even through emails or chat you will really be appriciated.. here's my email add.. [email protected]
thanks.. well i guess you'll just be seing me around here..
jah bless!!
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pudd
Hi sis jen
As you may have worked out by now, most people on this forum have either left ?the truth? or have serious concerns over it. We are actually a friendly bunch and you will be welcomed here but I don?t think this is the kind of place you thought it was. I wish you well and hope you stick around.
Pudd
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67
Crazy JW Superstitions...
by Confucious inhey!
ok, we all know of this uncanny word play about not saying, "you were lucky," and not saying "bless you" after someone sneezes.
but this is a bizarre one i heard.
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pudd
Some JW's believed that you could pray to Jehovah to give you a certain "sign" to help you make some decision that you couldn't come to on your own.. If something did or didn't happen, then that event (or non-event) would be Jehovah's answer.
Hangs head in shame,
I actually did that! I was taught it during my bible study and every one I knew believed in it sooo......!!!
It still amazes me how I just gave up any rights to my own life, including making basic decisions such as which part time job i would take, or should i visit a non- witness friend (bad association or chance to witness?)
still find it hard to make decisions now.
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67
Crazy JW Superstitions...
by Confucious inhey!
ok, we all know of this uncanny word play about not saying, "you were lucky," and not saying "bless you" after someone sneezes.
but this is a bizarre one i heard.
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pudd
Not to buy things that are second hand as you do not know where they have come from and they could be demon possessed!