Just like you, I had no idea and just like you I didn't like my parents ways ... full of NO and YOU HAVE TO or you CAN'T and Striking, and that was true in belgium too (a kind of step familly but they were not JW's).
Not only they were not able to follow me everywhere and of course I was doing whatever I wanted as soon as I could and I let them know only if they asked : Did you ... ?
So I didn't want to waste my time with my kid barking NO, YOU HAVE TO and YOU CAN'T or Striking in knowing that I wouldn't gain anything with that, but just bother my son who would have to do everything he wants in my back for then lying or telling me anyway .
I've thought a lot about that ... and what helped me is to remember what I was especting from my parents (especially my mother) I wanted her to believe in me ... And I hated everybody's way to just bother with motherf*cking rules that I took some pleasure to just doing the reverse just for this purpose (they didn't want me to) because "I" didn't see anything wrong or that I fell I had the right to ...
So what I did is put half the burden on his shoulder (I'm lazy) ... I've only put basic rules : don't lie to me (be honnest I can help you even if you are wrong) do not dissapoint me (wich include the first rule and means prove me I can believe in you and you'll be totally free, and I'll be proud of you) ...
After a stormy story related to video games and (supposed) friends (too long to tell) that helped me to introduce the subject he was about 8 when we had this conversation, I do remember that day very well ... His eyes was all lighten up before (his face switched into OMG Am I able to ?) he realised the real burden, the necessity to think for good about every action on short to long run to not acting too stupid (LOL) ... So I added : you can ask me any questions, you can talk about anything with me ... I'll help you as much as I can. So instead of being a barrier and an arbitre I became a concellor and a friend and I like those positions way better you get way more information to take care if needed.
But as a mother you can't escape THE FEAR and I needed to know : for instance the first times he began to go out I've never acted like I had any decision to make on that but I've only asked : WITH WHO ? Then ; if something happen to you, will they take care of you (that makes you thinking for good before, while and after for the next time) ? WHAT ? WHEN ? HOW ? WERE ? Then : depends of answers that means that you have to take care of that, that and that.
The most important was for me and him to be well informed, aware, ready just in case ... Then go baby go, I believe in you - have fun but be smart and thanks for the job (LOL)
That being said :
If I had a tiny girl I'm not sure I would have fell so confident about the matter from A to Z - I've been lucky here too.
