Welcome to you. Try to enjoy this forum and speak to some who really know a lot. Pose questions if you suffer some doubts. People will not hurt you here and you will be answered. I feel very sad for you. I also feel that there is nothing wrong with "love", no one on this earth has any right to tell you how to love or whom you should love. Please don't cave in to the awful man made doctrines that have distorted any message that Christ left for us. If you prefer.......call him Buddha, Fred, Eric........whatever..Just don't forget that the old laws were done away with because of the excessive burdens added to the Jews of the day.
Try to find those who will speak to you and try not to despair. That is pathetic, of course you will despair. Just make sure you are safe and warm when you do it.....xxx