I need some help/advice :-(

by rr8483 32 Replies latest jw friends

  • rr8483

    Dear Friends,

    I'm sorry for barging in like this, but I really need some advice. I am not JW, but my boyfriend is. Or at least, he says his family is JW and that he was brought up in that religion.

    He said that when you are old enough, you can decide whether or not you want to be baptised into it or not, and he told me that he has not been baptised. However, I think he still practises the religion but am not 100% sure. I'm really worried because he seems to be very secretive about it and doesn't tell me anything about it, and sometime I think he has even lied to me about it. I'm also worried because I know that JW are not supposed to ''relate'' to a non-JW in a romantic way. But is this true if he has not been baptised?

    I do know a lot about JW because I have quite a few family members who have joined. I was wondering if anyone would be so kind as to help me out here in how I can get him to talk about it a bit more openly, because I am a very open-minded person and would like to find out more. Also, would I be accepted by his family members?

    It would be great if someone could help me out here as I feel sort of clueless in a way.



  • Ellie

    Hi rr8483, firstly, let me just welcome you to the board, secondly, you are right, Jehovahs Witnesses, even those not baptised are encouraged not to have a relationship with a non JW, however, if he was practising and really practising I'm sure you would know as he would have little spare time and it would just be obvious.

    My advice is talk to him about it, maybe hes just attending the odd meeting to keep family members happy.

  • blondie

    First, welcome, RR.

    Second, even if he is not baptized his family may expect him to adhere to basic behaviors or they won't associate with him. He would be called "bad association" and could contaminate their "spirituality."

    One of those behaviors is not dating/marrying a non-JW. It has been called being involved with a "corpse" by the WT because non-JWs are doomed to die at Armageddon.

    His family will be pressuring him to get baptized and dropping you as a hindrance.

    Also, if you are having a sexual relationship, that is strictly forbidden by the WT and I'm sure he is trying to have his cake and eat it too.

    If this guy is not being truthful with you and has not really left the control of his JW family, you will have to let him know that you need him to be truthful or think about ending the relationship. There is a lot of pain getting involved with someone raised a JW who hasn't come to terms with their JW family.


  • jgnat

    Welcome, RR. I would say your instincts are dead-on. I would be very surprised if his family would accept you. Here's a whole collection of threads on "I am in love with a JW". Happy reading.


    Getting him to be more open? Call him on it.

    • Ask if you can attend a Sunday public meeting at the Kingdom Hall with him.
    • Ask him why he's holding off baptism.
    • Does he think the religion is the "truth" and if so, if the rest of us are living a "lie"? Why?
    • Give the illustration of a man sneaking around to see his mistress behind his wife's back. Is it a healthy relationship when one of the partners hides things from the other?
  • rr8483

    Thank you so much for your reply. It's really upsetting me that he thinks that he can't talk to me about it :-( It's like he feels that he is embarrassed and I don't know why :-(

    I personally, have no objection to JW although I do find some of the beliefs hard to take in. Can you tell me more about the sorts of things tha JW are supposed to take part in. Apart from meetings?

    I think it's best if I find out more first and then I can try to understand better!


  • under74

    Hi there, Welcome to the forum.

    Yes, even if he's not baptized so long as he's still practicing it's not good that he's dating a non-JW. I was never baptized but when I left when my mom did many family members cut me off.

    As far as being accepted by his family....I think it depends on how deep they are into the religion. Most might accept you for a while but in the off chance that you could be converted.

    Others will post that might have more to offer than me. Again welcome to JWD.

  • Ellie

    No, you are right, its not just the meetings they are expected to take part in, even though they are very time consuming, there is field service (door knocking) too, plus all the assemblies.

    The thing is, if he is a witness and you do stay together, you will barely spend time together as ontop of the meetings he will probably feel obliged to do pre-study and probably be encouraged to spend time socially with other witnesses.

    It really is a very time consuming religion.

  • rr8483

    His parents live in another country where he comes from, he now lives in the UK. I have never met his parents, but they do know about me. He doesn't mention what they say about me. I met his sister once though.

    I guess I just have to talk to him about it and get the truth out of him. We have a very active sexual relationship.


  • under74
    Can you tell me more about the sorts of things tha JW are supposed to take part in.

    I think there are more things JWs are NOT to take part in. Like- Saluting the Flag, Voting, Military, Holidays, dating without the intent of marriage, sex before marriage, skirts above the knees, talking to worldly people, sports, college...the list goes on and on.

    As for your boyfriend acting embarrassed...it's hard (especially when you've been raised in the religion) to talk to people who haven't had the same experience. I'm just speaking from my point of view. I was out for a long time but it's only been recent that I've been able to talk to people outside my family about it.

  • under74
    We have a very active sexual relationship.

    ummm..........................and so....anyway

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