Husbands! Smack your wife across the mouth!

by PopeOfEruke 51 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Insomniac

  This stuff makes me so sad. When I was a kid, every other witness kid I knew was physically abused. This abuse ranged from spankings to face-slaps to beatings to being burned to getting punched. Many of us were being molested as well. I guess we all figured it was normal, or maybe that things would be better when we grew up and got married.

  Then in my teens, all my friends started to get married. I had to listen to my friend tell me her husband "slapped her around" when she was disobedient, and I couldn't do a damned thing to help her. She was seventeen and pregnant, he was a ministerial servant on the fast track to elder. The elders told her to quit mouthing off so he wouldn't need to hit her.

  One dear lady moved out with her two young children when her husband's beatings put her in fear of her life, but the elders told her she still needed to "render him his due." So she'd have me watch the little ones when hubby stopped by for sex. She moved back in with him when she got pregnant again. I have no idea if he hits the kids, but I expect he does.

  Another friend told me to put off getting married, because the man is entitled to sex whether you want to or not, and any resistance, or even reluctance, is grounds for him to use force, which her husband did. When I told her it sounded like her husband was raping her, she said it's only considered rape if you're not married to the guy. An elder's wife told her so.

  Another friend went to her parents for protection after two month's of marriage to a wife-beater. They put her in their car and delivered her back to her husband. Along the way, they lectured her on obedience.

  Anewme, should I go on? I can, you know; there are plenty more examples I could give you. Are these a few isolated incidents, or does it seem more like an atmosphere of tolerance for abusers? Pretending it didn't happen is an insult to the people it happened to.
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  PopeOfEruke

  My relative is an idiot only in that she has been brainwashed for over 62 years by Jehovahs Witnesses.
  
  Yes thats right, this sister has been in "the truth" for over 62 years. And this is what she has been learned week in week out, meeting after meeting, since the early 1940's.
  
  She said to my wife "Wouldn't you be glad to have received a smack across the face if it meant you got the chance for everlasting life?".
  
  My wife and I just looked at each other and said "It's so sad....." So we didn't escalate the situtation, just kindly pointed out that physical abuse is wrong in every case.
  
  Violence as a solution ("God will kill all the non-JW's at Armageddon") is the very basis of all JW belief. Force and violence to accomplish the evil God's demands.
  
  Pope
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  stillajwexelder

  disgusting - I have never hit woman in my life and I never would
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  simplesally

  The wife can only 'separate' from her husband for abuse, not divorce him. During the separation, she and he must work towards getting back together in order to not 'tempt' the other to go and commit fornication.

  Slapping would not even be considered grounds for abuse. It must be life threatening.......... heard the words from an elder himself and it's in the WT, in print.
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  Had Enough

  I am so glad to read the last few comments made on this thread. They indicate to me a recognition of a problem of significant importance.

  Insomniac:

  The experiences you related are bone-chilling to say the least. These are but a few of the multitudes of cases that are out there in JW land....the 'once pristene, safe-haven from the nasty worldly life', that was the sum-total of my world. These things just could not happen in my mind when I was growing up in the "truth". Abuse belonged in the dark, dank sub-terranian levels of the 'world'....not in the clean, antiseptic, godly type of life only we JW's were privileged to know.

  Insomniac, you said:

  Anewme, should I go on? I can, you know; there are plenty more examples I could give you. Are these a few isolated incidents, or does it seem more like an atmosphere of tolerance for abusers? Pretending it didn't happen is an insult to the people it happened to.

  Right on the money....Insomniac. How anyone can deny the existance and extent of this problem, once confronted with the facts, is totally beyond my comprehension. I hope that "anewme" and any others trying to downplay this problem and 'explain away' is existence will stand back and take a long hard look at reality staring them in the face. It's there and it won't go away.

  PopeOfEruke said:

  Violence as a solution ("God will kill all the non-JW's at Armageddon") is the very basis of all JW belief. Force and violence to accomplish the evil God's demands.

  That seems to be the crux of the whole problem. This mindset pattern is set for every new JW from the beginning of their indoctrination..whether they are 'born into the truth' or from their first study as a non-believer.

  This thread carries alot of importance in that it is informing everyone of a little-known or acknowledged problem. Those who are interested-ones studying with JWs and also JWs who are uninformed of this existing problem....this is for you!!

  This problem EXISTS and won't go away as long as the 'powers that be' in the law-making, book-printing big house are making the rules that guide this religion.

  My hope is that anyone in this situation will recognize that this is NOT RIGHT and seek outside professional help. I repeat from my previous post......NO MAN HAS THE RIGHT TO HIT A WOMAN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES ....and visa versa.

  Had Enough
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  oldflame

  That sounds like it was a trick to get him arrested for domestic abuse.

  I would never hit a woman under any circumstance and sure would not hit a man unless he was trying to harm me or my family.

  That is disgusting, and I hate violence.
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  gaiagirl

  I have personally seen brothers in good standing threaten their wives with physical violence. Once, when returning to our cars after field service, a 20-something brother raised his voice and loudly told his wife "SHUT UP OR I'LL KNOCK YOU INTO NEXT WEEK!". She meekly APOLOGIZED to him for making him angry!! This family eventually moved from Corpus Christi, TX to Kansas City, MO, where he was soon made a MINISTERIAL SERVANT.
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  Reefton Jack

  My first introduction to Domestic Violence was when I got involved with the JWs - quite an experience for a seventeen year old!

  In this particular case, an elder's advice to the husband was, to quote "That he should clobber her."

  Unfortunately, I believed the BS that this same elder offered i.e. that the wife in this case was "new in the truth" and that she "got her hours in" - so this couple were all-right to "associate" with:

  - Whereas my own parents, who did not "go to meetings" were not!

  That the problem is widespread in JW land was borne out by a physcho-therapist friend a few years ago. She said that many of her clients were JWs - and that the abuse of women was very common amongst these.

  When I think that the WTS brought out a book in the late 1970s called "Making your Family Life Happy" - as if they would know the first thing about that!
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  luna2

  When I think that the WTS brought out a book in the late 1970s called "Making your Family Life Happy" - as if they would know the first thing about that!

  Another fine example of the difference between the printed word and the real counsel given. There is nothing overt in the literature that would point to a tolerance of wife (or husband) beating except the odd paragraph explaining that violence doesn't give one grounds for a sanctioned divorce. But always such a comment is followed by politically correct words about how a husband wouldn't want to be domineering and harsh with his family...blah...blah...love his wife as his own body...blah.

  The actual JW policy is made known via word of mouth, by the counsel delivered by elders to those seeking help, and by the lack of action taken against abusers in the congregation.
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  Andrea Wideman

  Fact is that abuse can be prevalent regardless of faith. Especially in high control groups. My sister who is Catholic married a Lutheran at age 17. He abused her for years and she is still with him. You talked to the priest and they would say to stick with him. Many may deny it now but that was the attitude back then and depending on which priest you spoke with could be the same opinion you would get today. It wouldn't surprise me to find out that it could be the same with elders. I would have to say that some husbands might take the attitude of headship a little too far. They could use it as an excuse to abuse their wives or their kids.