This is probably very immature of me, but (page 2)

Cygnus

I essentially agree with finally-free and sweet tea. I would like to add that while I feel like I could never cheat on my girl, Darwinian baggage sometimes has our genes telling us that to do otherwise when the chemical synapses in our brains start firing cause it just feels so damned good and exciting to be with someone new, and even to be "bad", I have in the past maintained friendships with men who casually cheated on their significant others. Why? Cause I valued their friendship to me. But honestly they are/were calculating, cold-blooded bastards.

I guess all I can say to you is, contemporary morality seems to be swayed towards "if you do have sex with him/her, be protected against disease." I can't argue against that model, but we're hard-wired and then "enlightenedly" programmed by the last few hundred years of "progressive" society for a lot more consequences than that. I think there would always exist an element of distrust, maybe jealousy, between you and he, and I couldn't live with that in a monogamous romantic relationship. Neither could B.B. King or his first wife, it's what killed their marriage.

Crumpet

Thanks for all the comments - even the harsh ones. I did ask for it and I am happy to take it. I could get all defensive and say why I cheated but that'll just be whingey!

Josie

And after 7 years of him being your Ex, why do you care?

Thats precisely what mr crumpet said when I told him this morning. But sweet tee pretty much sees where I am coming from. I don;t really care that he did cheat - after all I did too. I am hurt that he lied to me all this time - like active lying. not just witholding potentially painful information. And that he was so cruel to me when I confessed to him and apologised, and that he has held this over my head all these years.

A good question someone asked and that I hadn't even thought of - why did he tell me last night? He also told me that he would have sex with me when I was passed out, which sort of upset me but then I realise it was my fault really for drinking so much. These two things were not said to hurt I don't think, but because I had been saying how I wished he would find someone he could be happy with like I am (most of the time) with mr c. He said something along the lines of he couldn't replace me and was waiting for me to go back to him. Now I have never had sex with him since we split, nor given him reason to think that I ever would. However last night I said, because I felt it needed to be said in plain English so that he would move on and be happy, that even if I was not with mr c that I would not go back to a boyfriend girlfriend relationship with him, because we weren't good for each other and that whilst I do care for him I would never be with him again.

So maybe he told me those things to hurt me or because now he knows he has lost me for good. So in a way its good, because it means maybe he will move on and get himself someone he cares about. In another way I feel really wounded and want him to know that its no way to treat a friend you profess to love. But now I question whether there actually has been any friendship from his side at all. You asked some great questions guys and really made me think. (especially you sweet tee)!

Mary

What do you think I should do? And don't hold back now - say what you think!

Ahem.......well the answer is so obvious I'm almost embarassed to have to put it in black and white: Phone your local Kingdom Hall and give them his name and say that he's your husband, he's lost faith in his church and he's interested in studying with Jehovah's Witnesses.

Hell hath no fury like a woman lied to.

Crumpet

oh Mary - that is sooo funny! Do you know what - I might just do that!

JustTickledPink

I don't believe relationships based on dating games and dishonesty have any long term future. Or if it lasts it's always dysfunctional.

I've been there, finally got it together and decided to start fresh. But through my 20's I was a dating mess. Once you have a relationship based on mutual love and you are both honest with each other you can't imagine going back to that place.

Englishman

Miss Crumpet...just wondering, you mention Mr. Crumpet, and if I'm reading this correctly, said Mr. Crumpet is not the same fella as the old boyfriend who put you on a guilt trip for all of those years.

So I'm just wondering why you would want to be having these sort of conversations with an ex-boy friend when the apparently so much nicer Mr. Crumpet is playing such a big part in your life?

I do occasionally bump into the odd old girl friend in town, and other than pass the time of day with them for a few minutes out of plain good old politeness, would feel that any heavy and meaningful conversations with any of them such as the one you have just described would actually be a most innappropriate thing for a happily married guy to engage in..

Do you agree or have I got the wrong end of the stick?

Englishman.

JH

I beleive that people should be honest during relationships, and never cheat on one another.

I'm a romantic ever loving rat

luna2

...now I question whether there actually has been any friendship from his side at all

That's the problem right there. Real friendships require trust. How do you trust someone who treats you badly and lies to you over an extended period of time?

wanderlustguy

If your life is better with a person in it, they belong.

If not, they don't.

Pretty Simple.

mrsjones5

I am hurt that he lied to me all this time - like active lying. not just witholding potentially painful information. And that he was so cruel to me when I confessed to him and apologised, and that he has held this over my head all these years.

Crumpet honey,

If you have moved on I dont understand why this hurts you so much. And I think Mr. Crumpet is a saint to not get upset about how upset you are about this. Methinks dear heart you need to let this go.

Josie

This is probably very immature of me, but

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