This is probably very immature of me, but

by Crumpet 46 Replies latest jw friends

  • sweet tee
    sweet tee
    but when a woman has sex with another man the man is through with her ---even if he does not have the nerve to tell this to her face. Yes, he sees the unfairness of it all, but he cant help his feelings. He will never love that woman again. In fact he calls her a "bitch" in his heart. Unfair, but true.

    This may or may not be true. You shouldn't make blanket assumptions about the opposite sex. People are individuals after all and some have more compassion than others, and larger hearts to forgive (not that it matters with this guy anyhow).

  • anewme
  • Mecurious?

    It is much more common for a woman to forgive a man a sexual sin, than for a man to forgive a woman. Just ask the men, (if they will answer honestly). I've already done my homework on this. Have you ever cheated on a man and asked his forgiveness? M'

  • sweet tee
    sweet tee

    I hear you anewme - and more than likely that is true, it is more common for a woman to forgive which doesn't rule out a man forgiving a woman completely.

    Have you ever cheated on a man and asked his forgiveness? M'

    I'll answer that one, M: Yes, I have, and he has . I NEVER thought I would cheat on the man that I love. But like my grandmother used to say "don't say what you won't do, say what you haven't done!" (sweet tee of the 'shame on me' & 'd*mn I hate true confessions' class)

  • scotsman


    Having sex with you while you were passed out is... vile. Ditch the friendship.



    I can tell that you have not yet found the right man. These boy’s you have known will always leave you disappointed.

    Perhaps you should find a real man who can handle the competition that you attract so easily. Do you like Gladiators?

  • Cygnus

    lol. do you like movies about gladiators? lol.. couldnt resist.

    not to trivialize crumpet's problem, but isn't it amazing that we can sit halfway around the world and offer advice to her. Unheard of to our ancestor of yesteryear!

    Added off-topic: 25 replies is not enough for me, and the board is unwilling to let me start a new topic. It says I just started one 40 minutes ago. 40 minutes ago I wan't home! I had a JW-like experience today I am dying to share, but I have nowhere to share it 'cause I don't want to hijack anyone's thread. :((

  • Crumpet

    Wow! Wow! Wow! Guys - you give me such food for thought and such invaluable advice. Where the heck else would I get so many different perspexctives from people of all ages, genders, sexual preferences, countries, backgrounds? I LOVE THIS BOARD so much!

    WLG - taking a more intellectual approach definitely makes sense. Emotionally by taking his late night calls I'm not helping him anyway. Half of me is wondering why I still want to rescue him anyway - after what I've learnt about him.

    Mercurious – you asked if I/sweet tee had ever cheated and been forgiven. Yes is the answer for me as well – I was unfaithful to Mr C very early on in our relationship. I felt desperately awful about it and decided against the advice of my friends that I would tell him and take the consequences – that way if it was his choice whether or not he wanted to continue seeing me. At least he would know the full truth. I’m so glad I did – because he did forgive me – he teased me about it, but he is a few years older than me and had a less black and white perspective about such things. I’ve learnt so much from him in terms of forgiveness – if he were to slip up (depending on the circumstances) I’d be mad but I know I could forgive him.

    Anewme Could alcohol be playing a bigger role in your problems than you'd like to admit?

    It can interfere with spirituality and emotions and seeing things clearly and with moving on to maturity.

    These are both excellent points – I probably do have more of a problem with alcohol than I’d like to admit and that really does make it quite hopeless for me to be giving advice to my ex about his drug habit. Thank you for passing on to me good advice you have received in the past.

    Englishman -

    I suspect that this ex of yours will have a major tantrum if you decide to cut him ouut of your life totally. Be prepared for major upheavals, possible late night desperate phone calls, fake suicide attempts, the whole shebang. This guy is a manipulator extraordinaire.His oh so late confessions are designed to get you thinking about HIM. Pure selfishness of the worst kind.

    I made the first move to intercept the late phone calls – he does ring most nights – although I don’t always answer, especially not if Mr C and are asleep. I turned my phone off when I came home from work last night and thats the way I left it. Amongst other things it must be very boring and annoying for Mr C to lose me for hours on the phone whilst I wheedle my ex out of his depression or try to distract from taking anything! I am not being fair to the man I love - who deserves so much better than me - although having said that he's not perfect! ;-)

    Happyguy -

    You owe Mr. C honesty. If he knew that your ex is proposing that you sleep together, Mr. C would likely ask for this relationship to end

    This is true happyguy – but Mr C is no fool and knows that my ex doesn’t ring last thing most nights to hear my views on world politics etc, but I believe he trusts me to maintain the boundaries even when my ex won’t. I think he also feels sorry for him. But there does have to be a limit. A casual amiable friendship would be fine, but this isn’t that really anymore.

    Gladiator – well yes gladiators are fine chaps, but Russell Crowe -well he’s a bit too ready with his fists isn’t he? One of the reasons I had to split with my ex. I think I need to move away from gladiator types – its probably half my problem! LOL!

    Cygnus – I look forward to your JW experience – when you are allowed a new thread!

  • ballistic

    Crumpet, there's certainly several interesting points here. I don't think it's possible for everyone to stay in touch with ex-partners (for example I myself often find it too painfull), so it would be inconcievable for someone to go through their life and expect every ex is going to be able to maintain that kind of relationship. What I am saying is that you yourself may be able to, but not all the others may be able to reciprocate as much as they would like to.

    The point about the alcohol, well, I don't think alcohol ever solves problems. It's certainly not helped me over the last couple of days, which at the moment feels like I just went through a massive black hole in my life.

  • Crumpet

    True ballistic, alcohol just causes other problems if you over indulge or indulge too regularly - and as Mr C keeps gently reminding me that it is a depressant! So actually the worst thing you can do when you're feeling low is drink.

    I hope you can pick yourself up though and that the "black hole" becomes a rainbow.

    crumpet x

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