Wow! Wow! Wow! Guys - you give me such food for thought and such invaluable advice. Where the heck else would I get so many different perspexctives from people of all ages, genders, sexual preferences, countries, backgrounds? I LOVE THIS BOARD so much!
WLG -
taking a more intellectual approach definitely makes sense. Emotionally by taking his late night calls I'm not helping him anyway. Half of me is wondering why I still want to rescue him anyway - after what I've learnt about him.
Mercurious
– you asked if I/sweet tee had ever cheated and been forgiven. Yes is the answer for me as well – I was unfaithful to Mr C very early on in our relationship. I felt desperately awful about it and decided against the advice of my friends that I would tell him and take the consequences – that way if it was his choice whether or not he wanted to continue seeing me. At least he would know the full truth. I’m so glad I did – because he did forgive me – he teased me about it, but he is a few years older than me and had a less black and white perspective about such things. I’ve learnt so much from him in terms of forgiveness – if he were to slip up (depending on the circumstances) I’d be mad but I know I could forgive him.
Anewme
Could alcohol be playing a bigger role in your problems than you'd like to admit?
It can interfere with spirituality and emotions and seeing things clearly and with moving on to maturity.
These are both excellent points – I probably do have more of a problem with alcohol than I’d like to admit and that really does make it quite hopeless for me to be giving advice to my ex about his drug habit. Thank you for passing on to me good advice you have received in the past.
Englishman -
I suspect that this ex of yours will have a major tantrum if you decide to cut him ouut of your life totally. Be prepared for major upheavals, possible late night desperate phone calls, fake suicide attempts, the whole shebang.
This guy is a manipulator extraordinaire.His oh so late confessions are designed to get you thinking about HIM. Pure selfishness of the worst kind.
I made the first move to intercept the late phone calls – he does ring most nights – although I don’t always answer, especially not if Mr C and are asleep. I turned my phone off when I came home from work last night and thats the way I left it. Amongst other things it must be very boring and annoying for Mr C to lose me for hours on the phone whilst I wheedle my ex out of his depression or try to distract from taking anything! I am not being fair to the man I love - who deserves so much better than me - although having said that he's not perfect! ;-)
Happyguy -
You owe Mr. C honesty. If he knew that your ex is proposing that you sleep together, Mr. C would likely ask for this relationship to end
This is true happyguy – but Mr C is no fool and knows that my ex doesn’t ring last thing most nights to hear my views on world politics etc, but I believe he trusts me to maintain the boundaries even when my ex won’t. I think he also feels sorry for him. But there does have to be a limit. A casual amiable friendship would be fine, but this isn’t that really anymore.
Gladiator –
well yes gladiators are fine chaps, but Russell Crowe -well he’s a bit too ready with his fists isn’t he? One of the reasons I had to split with my ex. I think I need to move away from gladiator types – its probably half my problem! LOL!
Cygnus –
I look forward to your JW experience – when you are allowed a new thread!
