An Invitation to a Wedding

by lisavegas420 42 Replies latest social relationships

  • rebel8
    the invitation is written to only me....not Mr and Mrs...not even Lisa and guest. So can I bring my huband, or does it really me just me?

    Also on the R.S.V.P.

    it said....instead of a gift, ....the couple have their hearts set on a trip to Hawaii for a honeymoon and would like a gift of money to help defray the cost of the trip....... that normal? I've never heard of that before...... I don't have a problem with that, a money gift is fine , but how much would I give?

    I studied quite a bit of etiquette last yr and own a few etiquette books. BOTH of those things are against etiquette.

    A husband and wife are considered a social unit and are to be invited together to couples-type events. If she can't afford to entertain both of you, then she should have invited neither. You could give her a call and say, "Hi so and so, I was wondering if you forgot to put my husband's name on the invitation?" Then you're in a bind if she says it wasn't a mistake. Or you could just decline the invitation (and BTW no explanation is needed for why you're declining).

    Gifts are not mentioned on invitations to social events. That is because no gift is required by etiquette. (Tradition is a different matter.) Therefore, mentioning gifts is considered against etiquette because it comes with the presumption that gifts were expected, when they weren't. As to how much to give, you give whatever you feel like giving, keeping in mind the closeness of the relationship you have with her and your budget. If you are not giving a gift and are fairly close to her, you may want to give a card. A card would be appropriate etiquette-wise if it were a wedding, and it would be considered a social snub if no card was given. If a gift is given, that takes the place of a card.

    I know in todays world it dont seem much but I always give a mere$50.00

    LOL. I got married last yr and almost everyone gave us $50.

  • lisavegas420

    I had pretty much decided not to go. I work with this girl in a tax office. I'm the manager, and she is one of the employees. Last night, we had an update class, and I ran in to 7 others from my office. They asked if I had sent in my RSVP, when I said no. They all looked at me like thisThen wanted to know why? WHY? I didn't know what to say, I was kinda embarrased. So, I sent in the RSVP and said from MR and MRS Lisa (party of 2 )

    I did find out that they are having a Traditional Hawaiian Ceremony.<------this might be interesting??something new??? Also,..... The woman is Samoian and is from Hawaii. Most of her family still lives there, I'm not clear if they are coming here for the re-wedding or if that's why she wants to go there.

    So...I'm going because, I don't have anything else planned for that day, it may be educational and interesting......... AND because practially the entire office gave me this look last night... and it made me feel bad...(so a little guilt thown in)


  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    well if you are going nothing says you HAVE to give $$$. You could still buy a gift and leave it at that

  • Es

    Hey there, thats kind of weird to just invite you. I know myself on my invites i have invited partners and for those single i said bring a friend.

    As for the money heaps of people do it now, we are, we put a little piece of paper saying gifts in enevelopes towards our honeymoon much appreciated. We have everything we need we are is the best thing for us


  • Euphemism

    I agree, the social rules on gifts and money have changed... for weddings. Asking for gifts on a renewal of vows, OTOH, just seems tacky to me.

  • Jeannine

    Not only does this coworker disregard the fact that you have a HUSBAND that should be invited, but she then asks you for money to support a vacation she wants to take with her husband of an entire decade? What the hell? Does she also want you to make their mortgage payment for them also? These people have had 10 freaking years to save up for a vacation. I would not go to the "wedding" or give them a dime. I wouldn't even respond to the extortion......I mean...invitation. I know that times are changing and people have relaxed traditional manners. But, this girl is really taking it too far. I absolutely cringe when an invitation mentions a gift or money. I don't do gift registries either. The nerve.

  • Euphemism

    Not confrontationally, just out of curiosity, I have to ask those who object to gift registries... what's wrong with them?

    Personally, I much prefer know that I'm buying someone a gift that will actually be useful to them, and that they like, rather than have to guess at their needs and taste.

    And frankly, registries are traditional now. When my wife and I were planning our wedding, people asked us where we were registering before we even sent out the invitations.

    Of course, we made sure to have a range of items in the registry, including inexpensive ones. And when we sent invitations to out-of-town guests, we didn't include the registry information unless they were particularly close friends or family, so that people who weren't coming to the wedding wouldn't feel pressured to send a gift.

    But as long as those basic courtesies are observed, is there really anything wrong with registries?

  • unbeliever

    Gift registries make shopping for the couple so much easier. Even better if you can look it up online and saves me a trip to the store.

  • Jeannine

    I don't like gift registries because I am an old fashioned person. I just don't believe that any mention of a gift should be made because it implies that the inviter was expecting a gift. I know that gift registries are popular and becoming very acceptable. Yet, there are many things that are becoming popular and acceptable in this day and age that I will never agree with or be comfortable with.

    I also understand that gift registries make everything easier for the person buying the gift. I believe that if you don't know someone well enough to be able to choose a gift that they would like, then you can always give money. In fact, if you don't know a person enough to select an appropriate gift for them, why would you be invited to the wedding in the first place? I guess I am not all for the 300+ wedding guests list where the happy couple hardly knows 30% of their guests. I have been invited to weddings by people I barely know with a reference to their gift registry. I cringe. I would NEVER want people I barely speak to during the year to feel pressured to buy me a gift that I SELECTED from the store that I CHOOSE. The job of the wedding couple is not to make gift giving "easier" for their guests. No, that is not their job because nobody should be expecting gifts to begin with. Instead, the wedding couple's job is to make sure that the guests attending the wedding are comfortable and have a nice time. Most people, including myself, will always bring a gift or money in a card. I always give money because that is what I find to be "easier". I don't need the bride telling me (through a registry) how to make my gift giving "easier". I can figure that out myself. If the bride/groom wants certain gifts at certain stores, then they can take the money I give them (under no pressure) and go shopping after the wedding. This is simple, and it doesn't rub some people the wrong way, like gift registries do.

  • jillbedford

    My opinion is you should never miss a wedding or a funeral.

    Go, bring a guest. Don't be judgmental. Make gift donation to their Hawaii hopes. What comes around goes around. Throw yourself in the positive spirit and gain energy from it.

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