Attn Unbeleiving Mates (ubm's): "I'm a dub! I'm right! Join or who cares!" (page 4)

Check_Your_Premises

Thanks K!!!

I think about you all the time. Whenever I get down or think I have it bad, I think of the lonely decades you have experienced without any support like I have found on this board.

I hope you win the lottery or something. You deserve it!

kls

Same here CYP, i think or your struggles and having small children and i feel the pain you and others are going through, but we will keep up the fight ,,,,won't we

Lottery !!!!!!!! ya me to $$$$$ Deserve it no, but thanks for the thought

I got so fed up I moved out. We had conflict for years and we already had a separation agreement drawn up and signed before I moved out. She was fractional shunning me and hanging out at meetings, service, and on off nights at Witness group member's homes. My Witness son who was living with us just turned 18 and he was shunning me while he drove my car to pioneer. I was pissed.
I absolutely figured the marriage was in the dumpster. I didn't want one more day of that crap. After a few months apart we agreed to go to a marriage counselor apart and then together. The counselor asked her what she wanted and she said a date night. Then the counselor said to me since she got to pick what she wanted I got to pick the night . . . I picked Thursday.
Then she got to pick something she wanted and she picked meetings Sunday and Tuesday meetings, so I got to pick what time and how long she would be away. I picked Sunday morning and one hour. Hew congregation had Sunday afternoons. She kept her bargain and went one hour Sunday morning to a rival congregation.
I rode with a motorcycle touring club and we went on a ride and dinner one night a week . . . Tuesday. For a while she went to her book study and I went on the ride but I think she saw I was having more fun than she was at book study and she started to go with me on Tuesday rides and dinner.
Then we started to tour and camp. We took some big trips. Three weeks. I could see the change in her being away from the Witnesses for three weeks and after every trip she was less of a Witness. Our relationship was better but strained. We went on like that for a year and a half and then in January of 1995 our son left a suicide letter and had not come home the night before we found the note. We really panicked. It took us a half a day and we found him with the Witnesses meeting for service at a group member's house. I asked him if he would come to the hospital with me voluntarily and when he said no, I called 911 and had a 3 day mental health hold put on him. The cops came to the meeting for service and took him to the hospital in handcuffs.
After 3 doctors evaluated him needing medical treatment and longer term hospitalization the mental health board released the hold and the Witnesses took him out of the hospital against medical advise and moved him into a member's house. He was 20.
I was so pissed I declared war on the Witnesses who did that. I took out a newspaper ad and set up a dedicated phone recorded message. I got all the help I could find and I showed my wife everything I had. We were still seeing the marriage counselor and at one of the sessions she agreed to read Crisis Of Conscious and she did. The turning point was my extremely high profile anti Witness activities and showing her how the Witnesses behaved behind closed doors with the audio and video tapes I got from Randy Watters. She never went to another meeting after she saw a video about a girl, Gloria Muscarella, being disfellowshipped by elders, one of them her uncle.
We spent 1995 on her education.
I think what's allowed to continue, continues. I made it easy for her to be a Witness for years. There wasn't any cost to her for doing it. When it came to loosing her home and her meal ticket, Witnessism wasn't so important any more. I don't suggest my course as a good way. It's just my story. I wouldn't want to repeat any of it and no doubt others won't have the same results I had. We still have lots of relatives still Witnesses. In fact, I can't think of one who has left.

Check_Your_Premises

I made it easy for her to be a Witness for years. There wasn't any cost to her for doing it. When it came to loosing her home and her meal ticket, Witnessism wasn't so important any more.

I think about the nuclear option sometimes. I know I make it to easy for her. She doesn't work. I did that before she was a witness so our kids wouldn't be in daycare. I do think how I sure make it easy to be a witness. What would she do if I pulled some rugs out from under her.

That is a big gamble though; It's a double edged sword.

The flip side is that persecution and endurance for the sake of the borg will make her more committed to the borg, and could wreck our marriage.

I will save that one for a later date.

CYP

garybuss

The flip side is that persecution and endurance for the sake of the borg will make her more committed to the borg, and could wreck our marriage.
My marriage was already a wreck. I wasn't trying to change my marriage. I had given up on that. I was trying to change my life. That I had not given up on. A friend told me once, "If nothing changes, nothing changes!". I sure found that to be true.
One thing that pissed my wife off was when I made BIG plans on her meeting night and didn't invite her. I'd go with my friends and have a good time. Once she was getting ready to go to the book study Tuesday night and I asked her to stay home and she said no. I threw my bag on my bike and I was gone for a week and never told her I was even going. Never called her the whole week.

Check_Your_Premises

Jgnat,

I updated the last paragraph

"Maybe you don't know how to approach me. But all I want and all I have to know, is that my thoughts, feelings, and concerns are important to you. I would just like to hear you asking me, approaching me, trying to understand me. Otherwise, I will keep feeling alone in this. And I don't think I should feel that way. This is your marriage too."

Is that specific enough?

Check_Your_Premises

I threw my bag on my bike and I was gone for a week and never told her I was even going. Never called her the whole week.

If nothing changes after awhile, that is exactly the kind of attitude I will adopt. I am just not made for this kind of door-mat garbage. I don't put up with crap very well. And man-o-man am I putting up with some crap. I don't have to tell you folks. I have rationalized it for the time being, but some day I will just quit caring. The day my last kid graduates from highschool will be tough day for our marriage if she is still in.

MJ and I talk about how once we get our wives out, and they full realize the crap they put us through, and resources they wasted, ALL FOR NOTHING, we get to have an affair or start a drug habit or something.

What was that about love not keeping accounts?

kazar

CYP, if I had gotten a letter from my UBM like you wrote your wife when I was a JW, I may not have let the marriage disintegrate and left him.

Check_Your_Premises

Thanks Kazar.

I appreciate you sharing that.

Es

Heya CYP, i think its a great letter, theres no anger in it your simply asking for your thoughts and feelings to be considered to and you have every right to do this. You have a right to get her to consider her actions, as you mentioned you have kids do they go to the meetings too? If not then you have the celebrations to consider your wife will no longer be celebrating birthdays, christmas and all the rest, this will cause a dividing in the family. Let us know how things go wishing you all the best es

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